Best of Homer Simpson Quotes

Homer Simpson's philosophy of life:
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."


Homer Simpson on thespianism:
"Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively."


Homer to Bart, on losing Santa's Little Helper:
"Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog."


Homer Simpson questions his son's latest investment:
"A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michaelmelangelo?"


Homer Simpson on his wife becoming a cop:
"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie Police Academy."


Homer Simpson's secret to success:
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."


Homer Simpson on work:
"If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."


Homer Simpson's survival techniques:
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

Thanks to The Goose