Dilbert's Wisdom

Oneliners from the world's favourite comic-strip



I say no to drugs they just don't listen

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane..

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

Born free taxed to death.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

The hardest part of skating is the ice.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

Someday is not a day of the week.

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