How to spot a 'desi' (Asians, in UK slang)

Your dad is some sort of engineer or doctor.
Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
You know what's going to happen in every Hindi movie before it happens
You're father and grandfathers have hair on their ears
An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
You either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want to stay away from it
"You want a stereo! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
Your family owns a tennis racquet.
You buy corn oil by the gallon.
Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal.
Everyone in your family has pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the Airport.
You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.
There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
You hide everything from your parents.
Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
Everyone is a family friend.
You know no one who has studied music.
You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
Your best friend got married at the age of 16.
You like the meat well done.
You eat onions with everything.
You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
You say you hate Indian films but secretly watch them with your parents.
You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
You secure your baggage with a rope.
You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of...the royal family.
You're parents would freak out if your sister wore a crop top baring her midriff...but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not
Your parent are panicking if you aren't married when you turn 25
Either you really like desis of the opposite sex or you can't stand them
Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
A horoscope must decide your wedding date
Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"
Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried
You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried
You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to...anyone YOU know.
Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try
and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your parents always talk about work and business.
The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start talking...about them.
Every few months your parents say when they're moving back to India
No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
You're proud to be a desi - and you pass these jokes on to all your desi friends!