Your feelings on Hallmark Day?

Welcome to my second least favourite day of the year. I f**king hate Valentine’s Day, corporate bullshit Hallmark-invented wank. If you love someone, you should treat them like the god or goddess they are every fucking day of the year, not just when you are told to do so. The whole thing makes me sick.

What the f**k is the point of Valentine's Day anyway? If you've got the horn for someone, just f**king tell them. Are there really people out there who get all loved up in January but hold off for 5 weeks, just so they can express their feelings through the medium of a mass produced bit of cardboard with a blushing f**king teddybear on it?

Love is supposed to be special, individual and spontaneous. The glorious combination of two souls combining, two hearts intwining, two people finding each other in a crazy, crazy world. It is not, and I can't stress this point enough, it is not something that needs to be co-ordinated by a f**king greetings card company. Surely that just cheapens everything?

Have you ever been in a restuarant for this pissingly awful evening? Couple after couple, desperately papering over the cracks in their disintergrating relationships with a badly cooked steak and a creme f**king brulee. Brand new couples feeling all self-conscious about how far society dictates that they display their affections in public. It's a f**king shitshow and no mistake.

Thanks to some grey-hearted suit, locked away on floor 56 of Castle Clintons, we all have to play the f**king game otherwise none of us will get our oats for a punitive two month period. It's a f**king shite state of affairs.

Slipperduke.

Previously on Velentines Day

And here are some VALENTINE'S DAY POEMS contributed by the F365 crew.

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue
I've bought you some Vaseline,
Cos' I'm trying trap two!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've boned a few large women
Cos fat bitches need lovin too

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Screw you and
Have a poo

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're fucking ugly
But your dog will do

Roses are red,
sometimes they're pink
You love my dick in your flange,
and my thumb in your stink!

roses are red
violets are blue
may as well say yes
or i'll rape you

Roses are red
Zidane is black
Bend over bitch
and lube your crack

roses are red
sometimes they're white
since your in playschool
i hope that your tight

roses are red
oh yes they are
i'll give you a sweety
if you get in my car

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm going to fuck you
And your mum too.

roses are red
violence is black and blue
cook me my tea
or i'll show you

roses are red
voilets are blue
give bellamy a shag
or he'll punch you

Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over bitch
You're about to be fisted!

Roses make me laugh,
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And you love it up the shitter!

Roses are red
Women are from venus
but no matter what
i ain`t touching no penis.

roses are red
daffy's are yellow
get on your knees
and suck on this fellow

i don't like valentines
its an american fad
why buy you presents
when i'm fucking your dad

roses are red
and so is your face
when kick you all over
and spray you with mace

roses are red
Valentines is a farce
i've spent so much money
so can i take you up the arse

roses are red
this thread is bumped
i havent bought anything
think i'll get dumped

Roses are red
Barts poems are rather dark
I've been wondering though
Does he work for Hallmark?

roses are red
violets are blue
people like you
belong in the zoo

dont worry
i'll be there too
standing outside
laughing at you

roses are red
todays is about greed
i'll give what she wants
and make her heart bleed

roses are red
and i'm doing rhymes
if did all the above
i'll serve four life times

hallmark are cunts
they'll rob you blind
i don't work for them
are you out of your mind?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Even though I have a bad memory
Happy Birthday to you.

Roses are red
Violets are blue...
Fuck that.....come here love ant let me cunt you in the bastard

Roses are Red
Violets Are blue
If you fucking reject me I will get my mates to gang rape your whole family and your cold lifeless body will never be found so you cant be buried and die a shitty death after I torture your worthless smelly ugly fat ass. You Bitch.