Never having soup again
Soup Facts
Old people eat soup. Old people are boring. Soup is boring. Therefore if you eat soup YOU are boring.
Cut out the middle man and give your tastebuds a well deserved holiday. Pour soup straight down the toilet. Be aware Soup makes a poor lavatory cleaner though.
Oxtail soup does not contain actual Ox Tails, but crushed lungs of cats. This gives a similar taste and consistency.
Packets of soup are a con, they generally contain sand, dead insects and ashes of dead pets.
Soup has been popular since the 18th Century. Back then ladies used to used it as a flavored douche to give their menfolk a treat.
Cold soups like Gaspacho are for people that are too idle to cook.
The word "Soup" is derived from the Afghan word "soop", which literally means "lumpy piss".
Contrary to popular folklore, you cannot put soup in a trap to catch mice, they prefer cheese.
In top restaurants, chefs wank off into soup it to make it more creamy, the better the restaurant, the more chef-wank in the soup.
Welsh people catch rainwater in a bucket and serve it as minestrone soup.
Italians use Parmesan cheese to disguise the fact that their soup tastes like hemorrhoids.
The soup Dragon, from the popular TV Series "The Clangers" used to fart in his soup to warm it up.
Drug addicts have been known to inject soup if Heroin isn't available. Fortunately the lumps of carrot block their arteries and they die.
Cut out the middle man and give your tastebuds a well deserved holiday. Pour soup straight down the toilet. Be aware Soup makes a poor lavatory cleaner though.
Oxtail soup does not contain actual Ox Tails, but crushed lungs of cats. This gives a similar taste and consistency.
Packets of soup are a con, they generally contain sand, dead insects and ashes of dead pets.
Soup has been popular since the 18th Century. Back then ladies used to used it as a flavored douche to give their menfolk a treat.
Cold soups like Gaspacho are for people that are too idle to cook.
The word "Soup" is derived from the Afghan word "soop", which literally means "lumpy piss".
Contrary to popular folklore, you cannot put soup in a trap to catch mice, they prefer cheese.
In top restaurants, chefs wank off into soup it to make it more creamy, the better the restaurant, the more chef-wank in the soup.
Welsh people catch rainwater in a bucket and serve it as minestrone soup.
Italians use Parmesan cheese to disguise the fact that their soup tastes like hemorrhoids.
The soup Dragon, from the popular TV Series "The Clangers" used to fart in his soup to warm it up.
Drug addicts have been known to inject soup if Heroin isn't available. Fortunately the lumps of carrot block their arteries and they die.
posted by Dirty Dan at 6:57 PM
2 Comments:
ugh.. where did you get this from?
on a different note, i just wanted to say that, i really like the images you put up with each of your posts. even if it's a post of about just anything... you manage to find some visuals for it, and take special care to make sure that it's nice and crisply photoshopped! (not many ppl bother doing that, u know)
my eyes want to thank you :)
~ cheeky
Hey cheeky - Sorry for replying late to this - I think the relevant pictures can make your post look funnier or classier or simply, more interesting. I'm glad you like them and will try harder to find even better ones. Tell your eyes, they're most welcome :-)
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