Sick Jokes

What's worse than finding half a maggot in your apple?
Getting raped.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife is dead.

Did you hear about the man with five penises?
His pants fit like a glove.

What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.

What's the definition of a clunt?
Someone who runs away from a chinese chip shop without paying.

Had me first blow job today.
Fucking five whiskeys and I still can't get rid of the taste.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She choked.

What's blue and sticky?
Smurf cum.

What's got four legs and goes woof?
Piper Alpha.

If a girl is uncomfortable watching you wank, is it because:
A. She is a prude
B. You don't know her well enough
C. You should have sat somewhere else on the bus

If you have a donkey and I have a rooster and your donkey eats the feet off my rooster, what do we have?
2 feet of my cock in your ass!

What do elephants use as vibrators?
Epileptics

What's hard, 6" long and fun to play with in the toilet?
A Nintendo Gameboy.

Did you hear about the nostalgic gynecologist?
He went back to his hometown to look up an old girlfriend.

What's got eight legs and one eye?
Two chairs and half a pig's head.

What's a leper's favourite chocolate bar?
Flake.

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