Ali G Quotes

Came across this - hilarious stuff.

Ali G: I has rights, you have rights, even animals... has rights

[On Dangerous Drugs]

Ali G: Which drugs is class A?
Professor: Class A are mainly the heroin and cocaine types of drugs.

Ali G: Does class A guarantee that they is better quality?
Professor: [annoyed] No. Nothing to do with quality, you can have absolute crap.

Ali G: For real, which is the acid that actually make you fly?
Professor: No acid makes you fly but can make you think you fly.

Ali G: Cuz me mate Dave said said he took this type and he flew all around the room and his mum told him to get some ciggies from the shop, and he flew there down Egham street and flew back and he was back in five seconds or whatever but he'd forgotten the ciggies.

Professor: Well, there's the answer, isn't it? you think you can fly but your feet never leave the ground, and if you're not careful you may trip up and hurt yourself.

CIA
Admiral Stansfield Turner about the CIA.

Ali: "So, Mr. Stansfield, what does the CIA stand for?"
AST: "Central Intelligence Agency."

Ali: "So does it help if you was intelligent if you wanna get in?"
AST: "Yes, to get in you need a college degree..."A

li: "Ain't that a bit racialist though that you have to be intelligent?"
AST: "Isn't that a bit?"

Ali: "Racialist, that you won't allow in thick people? Could I ever work for the CIA?"
AST: "I would certainly think so, you seem intelligent."Ali: "Thank you very much, I has got two GCSEs."

Ali: "So let's talk about spies now because the CIA has also got to do with spies, innit? Is it true that you have certain female spies that you put a camera in their punani?"
AST: "..."

Ali: "What uniform to the CIA spies wear?"
AST: "They don't wear a uniform, they have to be as incognito as possible. Now look, you go over to a foreign country, we have a CIA person goes to country X, and in that country he finds... Joe, who is willing to give us information."

Ali: "Who is Joe?"
AST: "Joe is a member of country X, he is a citizen of country X."
Ali: "Is it not dangerous that you is saying his name because this maybe on the telly."

Ali: "What about landing a man on the moon, did it actually ever happen?"
AST: "Of course it happened, I've actually shaken hands with the first man on the moon."

Ali: "How do we actually know that Luey Armstrong was actually stood on the moon?"
AST: "It was Neil Armstrong."

Ali: "Whatever."


Professor J. K. Galbraith about the economy.
Ali: "What is supply and demand? Is it like with me Julie? I supply it and she demand it."
JKG: "Supply and demand is an old economic expression..."

Ali: "Is it like in me school? Everyone was well into Tashid Vegi because she was all well fit and had nice skin and whatever and you had to spend 75p even for a touch and Zoe Lewis who was a bit dodgy, looked a bit rough, she was 25p for fingers and thumbs."

Ali: "So what notes do you have here?"
JKG: "Dollars, five dollars, ten dollars."

Ali: "Would it not be more convienient if instead of having like just a ten dollar bill and a twenty dollar bill you had like a five dollar nineteen cents bill or like a twelve dollar forty-eight cents bill or like a forty-eight dollar five cents bill or like a seventy-eight dollar three cents bill or like a two hundred and sixty-seven dollar fifty-four cents bill or like a three hundred and eighteen dollar nine cents bill, then you could pay for everything with one note, innit?"
JKG: "I have no hesitation in saying that would be so complicated that only you and a few other people would understand it."