Saturday, July 09, 2005

Strange things guys do in the bathroom

If you are female, there is a lot of things you probably don't know about guys' bathroom habits. Guys do lots of weird things in there and I wanted to compile a list of all of them. Any suggestions, post them in 'comments' or email me or keep it for yourself so you can add something extra when plagiarize this article in your blog.

1. The urinal buffer zone - Guys will often stand one urinal away from the next guy when going in a public bathroom. Is it because we are scared we may look over at another guy's johnson or do we not want to get the urine of others splashed all over our pants? Nobody knows.

2. The race - Sometimes I will flush the toilet right as I start to pee. I try to race the toilet to see if I can finish peeing before the water completely flushes.

3. The porcelain mute - While peeing, if you aim for the porcelain inside the toilet instead of the water, it makes a lot less noise. Does everyone do this or am I just weird?

4. The soap puck - When peeing in a urinal that has one of those pink soap bars at the bottom, it is fun to pee on the edge of it to make it move. I don't know why.

5. The little kids ass - Usually little kids don't know how to use the zipper or the little hole through underwear, so they'll pull their pants all the way down to their ankles when using a urinal. So often times, you'll walk into the bathroom and get an eye full of some little kid's ass.

6. Watering the plants - When peeing outside near a plant, I don't usually pee just around the plant or at the base of it. For some reason I feel a strange urge to cover the entire plant in urine... no idea why.

7. The melt - When peeing in a urinal that has ice in it, it is (for some reason) fun to see how much ice you can melt before you're finished.

Guys you've met in the Men's room
Has been posted before but a classic still.
Excitable - Shorts half twisted around, can't find hole, rips shorts.
Sociable - Joins friends and pisses whether he has to or not, figures it doesn't cost anything.
Cross-eyed - Looks in the urinal on the left, pisses in the middle, and flushes the one on the right.
Timid - Can't piss if someone is watching. Flushes and comes back later.
Indifferent - All urinals are being used, pisses in sink.
Clever - Look Ma, no hands! Fixes tie, looks around and pisses on floor.
Worried - Not sure if he has been in lately, stops in for a quick check.
Frivolous - Plays stream up, down, and across urinals, tries to hit a bug on the wall.
Childish - Pisses directly in the bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
Absent-minded - Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
Sneak - Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows guy in next stall will get blamed.
Patient - Stands very close for a long time waiting, reads a newspaper with his free hand.
Desperate - Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
Tough - Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.
Efficient - Waits until he has to crap, then does both.
Fat - Backs up and takes long shot at urinal, pisses on his shoe.
Drunk - Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
Disgruntled - Stands waiting for a long time, gives up, walks away.
Conceited - Holds two inch dick like baseball bat.
The Goose - Takes a piss while staring at ceiling only to find out he has pissed all over his shirt that was hangin down when he thought he had hold of it

Which one are you then??


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