Out of the mouth of - Footballers

Footballers and football managers have, over the past few months, said a lot of wonderful and utterly stupid things. Here's a collection of some of the most memorable quotes from the past few years.

"You will laugh when I say this, but I did not see the incident"
Arsene Wenger

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win"
Vinny Jones

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league"
Mark Viduka

"We all speak English, but Carragher talks very strange English"
-Stephane Henchoz

"When an Italian says it's pasta I check under the sauce to make sure. They are innovators of the smokescreen"
Alex Ferguson

"Paul Scholes - the most complete mental player I've ever seen"
Ben Thornley

"Some of these players never dreamed they would be playing in a Cup Final at Wembley, and now here they are fulfilling those dreams"
Lawrie McMenemy

"I think Sheffield Wednesday are a very poor football team. They are like a man who's got diarrhoea who can't get his trousers down"
Rodney Marsh

"I've never been thoughtful in my life and I'm not about to start now"
Alan Shearer

"Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's. Movement and positioning"
Ron Atkinson

"Dani is so good-looking I don't know whether to play him or f*ck him"
Harry Redknapp

Some absolute gems from the England Captain, David Beckham

"Pele was a complete player. I didn't see him live obviously, because I wasn't born"
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"
"I remember so clearly us going into hospital so Victoria could have Brooklyn. I was eating a Lion bar at the time"
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"
"We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion!"
"I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite - dark

And the here's the best of Bill Shankly - The greatest manager in the history of the game.

"You son, could start a riot in a graveyard." (to Tommy Smith)

"If you are first you are first. If you are second you are nothing."

"Some people think football is a matter of life and death.... I can assure them it is much more serious than that."

"When I've got nothing better to do, I look down the league table to see how Everton are getting along."

"If Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I'd draw the curtains."

"Aim for the sky and you'll reach the ceiling. Aim for the ceiling and you'll stay on the floor."

"It's there to remind our lads who they're playing for, and to remind the opposition who they're playing against."
Notes: on the 'This is Anfield' plaque

"I know this is a sad occasion but I think that Dixie would be amazed to know that even in death he could draw a bigger crowd than Everton can on a Saturday Afternoon."
Notes: at Dixie Dean's funeral

"Don't worry, Alan. At least you'll be able to play close to a great team!"
Notes: to Alan Ball, who'd just signed for Everton

"He has football in his blood," the disappointed scout complained. "You may be right," Shankly said, "but it hasn't reached his legs yet."
Notes: after a scout told Shankly about a young player who he'd given a trial at Liverpool

"A lot of football success is in the mind. You must believe you are the best and then make sure that you are. In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside, Liverpool and Liverpool reserves."

"Take that poof bandage off, and what do you mean your knee, it's Liverpool's knee!"
Notes: to Tommy Smith after he'd turned up for training with a bandaged knee

"Just tell them I completely disagree with everything they say."
Notes: to an interpreter regarding excited Italian journalists

"Sorry, boss, I should have kept my legs together.", said Clemence. "Wrong, it`s your mother who should have!", replied Shankly.
Notes: after Ray Clemence had let in a fluke goal between his legs

"For a player to be good enough to play for Liverpool, he must be prepared to run through a brick wall for me then come out fighting on the other side."

"Although I'm a Scot, I'd be proud to be called a Scouser."

"When you get the ball, I want you to beat a couple of men and smash the ball into the net, just the same way you used to at Bury.", said Shankly. Lindsay replied: "But Boss that wasn't me it was Bobby Kerr." Shankly turned to Bob Paisley and said: "Christ Bob, we've signed the wrong player."

Some more Shankly Classics

So... What's the most memorable quote you've ever heard from a Footballer? I can be something daft (which more often than not, it will be) or it could be something inspiring. Leave em in the comments.