Make life easier at work

I know a lot of you work in offices. So what do you do to cover your back or make your life easier?

One i always do is make sure i never book a day off the same day as the boss. Its like a free day to do nothing.

Another most important thing in work is the angle of monitor so that it cannot be seen from any entrance door into your office, once you get this right everything else falls into place.

Take a long relaxing newpaper reading dump when your boss is out to lunch, but take your lunch after he comes back.

Sleep your way to the top. Its much more fun.

Incriminating photos of the boss from the Christmas party that you threaten him with every now and again just to show him who is really the boss.

Make sure you have a desk where you are facing the office and therefore no one can see your monitor screen.

Never do work if your boss isnt in yet, wait for him to see you do it.

If you are a secret work shitter, take a few random pieces of paper (preferably printed copies of my posts) and a pen with you, to give the impression that you are actually going for a quick meeting. This will guarantee you a good 15 minutes or so in the chod-bin.

If you've promised to send something off in the post but haven't managed it yet, just go to the franking machine on the day you were meant to send it and take a franked sticker. Then you can post it late and it'll look like it was held up in the post.

An obvious one, if you work abnormally late or at a weekend, make sure someone above you gets copied in on a relevant email. People always look at dates and times of emails.

If you're going to make a long distance or lengthy personal call, do it from someone elses phone.

Befriend someone in HR and IT. Geeks are underrated.

Copy and paste, articles/blogs/funny stories/text crap you've found on the net, into an new email. Hey presto, it looks like you're reading something work related, as opposed to being online.

Press the windows + m keys together to minimise all open windows at once. This is a life saver. Or right-click your task bar on a free bit (where there isn't a window) and select 'show the desktop'. This is less conspicuous than quickly pressing two keys and doesn’t arouse suspicion from passers by…

If youre go out skiving take a report/important piece of paper out with you and leave your jacket on the back of your chair

Open lots of word and excel files, take a screen shot of your desktop and then save it as your backround.

If you have forgoten to send an important e-mail.. change the clock on your PC's bios, and system clock.. to the time you were supposed to have sent it.. outlook will flag it as sent at that time.. then just blame IT for it arriving late..

If your planning a kaizer souza disappearing act eg. at 2pm on a friday simply dont bring a jacket, that way no suspicions are raised when you act like a tom & cruise. If its mid-week, wear a jacket of little value & leave it on the chair, then simply HEAD OFF, the same should be done with your reading spec's.

If your not doing work then if its possible get yourself out of the office as much as possible, go to HR, IT, print room, workshop etc. You do not want your boss to see you doing fuck all.

Always CC your boss with any work mails.

Take your lunch break the hour before your boss, he goes off & you put the feet up to digest.

Never tidy your desk.

Walk & talk when your on your mobile to your mates.

The most crucial is turn off your screen saver. You don't want your boss to know how long you have been away from your desk..

If you have an important piece of paperwork on your desk that you've forgotten to process on time, it goes without saying that the best way of dealing with it is to file it in the bin via the shredder & say you never saw it. If you process it late you will look like a slacker piece of shit, so bin it and take a 50/50 on persuading your boss that you never got it in the first place. My boss usually sighs, and then blames it on the permanently-stoned marketing department.