Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Another Yank on Football

RON MORGAN: Soccer popularity still not very high in the United States

From what I understand, the world’s most popular sporting event is taking place right now. I’m just not sure what that is. Let’s see. Is it Zarqawi hunting? Is it the French Open tennis tournament? Camel races in Saudi Arabia? The World Freestyle Swim across the Rio Grande? Oh yeah, I remember now. The World Cup soccer matches are going on.

From what I hear, there have been 173 people across the country tune in to watch it. The Nielson folks reported that three people in Corsicana watched it. Why is the event so wildly popular in the rest of the world but such a flop in the U.S.?

By all rights, it should be a big hit here. After all, there are more kids playing soccer than there are playing little league baseball. Young soccer players are indoctrinated at earlier ages than any other sport. They get them at about age 3.

Who did the experts say determined the last three or four presidential elections? Does the term soccer mom ring a bell? So, why aren’t these millions of kids and their moms watching the World Cup?

For one thing, the soccer folks run it in the ground. They start kids, literally in some places, at age 3. They play two seasons a year. In between seasons they bring in English experts to conduct soccer camps. I’d say, that could spell burnout. By the time a child is 12, they’ve been overexposed, and they’re looking for something new.

Soccer moms? Most aren’t really fans. They’re looking for something for little Bobby or little Sally to do. Kids aren’t allowed to be kids anymore. They don’t get to invent their own entertainment today. They don’t get to organize their own sandlot games. Those SUV driving presidential electors orchestrate daily activities. Summer camp, art camp, space camp, swimming lessons, ballet lessons, junior cheerleading lessons, karate lessons and more crowd the child’s free time. Did I say free time? That’s an anachronism.

Most soccer moms don’t care about the sport. They just want to watch their baby play. The dads don’t get much choice. If he wants to watch the Cowboys, he’d better pray there’s not a soccer game that day.

But, you say, people pay thousands of dollars to get their kids on “select teams.” That’s an ego thing. It has nothing to do with a love of the game. They’re just trying to keep up with the Joneses. The Joneses drive a new Tahoe. We drive a new Tahoe. Their son plays for a traveling soccer team with an English coach. Little Johnny plays on a traveling team with an Irish coach.

Here are my top 10 reasons that soccer hasn’t come close to the NFL, the NBA, Major League Baseball, NASCAR, the PGA or professional bowling.

10. The rest of the world thinks it’s football. We know what football is.

9. If the French are good at it, can it really be a sport?

8. Sports bras aren’t really that sexy.

7. It came on at the same time as Dr. Phil.

6. They use the metric system to measure fields.

5. Red cards? We don’t need no stinkin’ red cards.

4. Big time for soccer players is when they become NFL kickers.

3. Senegal is a world power.

2. Goooooooooooal? Whooooooooooo caaaaaaaaaaares?

1. Terrorists play soccer.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

"1. Terrorists play soccer."

What a fucking cunt.

Ah fuckit.... was about to start on a massive rant on hypocrisy but its 18:20 on a Friday night and its time for some debauchery!

In closing... what a ballbeg.

Anonymous Noel said...

yeah....that fuckin' punk-ass bitch....arrghh, I seriously am pissed, especially since I'm in the "FOOT"ball mindset with the world cup and everything!
I would, without a doubt, beat that guy senseless if I ever saw him.

Anonymous Werner Burckard said...

Typical coming from a fuckin yank.

Blogger Timmy said...

Exactly why soccer/football/whatever never fails to draw a crowd here in the U.S. I'll never know. Some would say it because there are too many more other sports to compete with (baseball, basketball, the other football, hockey, boxing, etc.), but I'm not sure if this is the case or not. In any event, there are a few of us over here who follow it religiously (and are pissed at how shitty the overrated U.S. team performed)...


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