Thursday, June 15, 2006

Silly Things Women Say Part 1



Here's a starter for daft things women say about football. My best mate, she's blond, thought that offside was when the ball went OFF the SIDE of the pitch.
Paul Clarkson, Everton

..."I don't understand why everyone is so excited, there wasn't this much fuss last year" - A stunner called Cara Walker, so I kept my mockery to a minimum.
Charlie Longe, London

...The Local Oz Bar Maid during Saturday's friendly commented:

"That fella's not trying very hard!"

Only feeling embarrassed and going bright red when the Old Boy at the bar pointed out it was the Referee.
Scotty

....From my lovely lady - "I'll let you watch the World Cup this year, but you have to promise me you won't watch all the World Cup matches next summer."

But this one was my favourite: "What division are Jamaica in?"
Jose

...She: "So Who's the England goalie then?"

He: "Paul Robinson."

She: "What, the one from Neighbours?"
Steven Spinola

...'But surely if Rooney's injured we can put Thierry Henry in instead and he's good isn't he?' - Courtesy of Anna Wheeler
Anon

...My Australian wife (Caz Ball, consider yourself named and shamed!) asked how they decided who played the first game in the World Cup. I explained that it was usually the holders but it is now the hosts.

She thought for a second and asked "Well, how do they decide who plays in the last match?"
Ted Ball
...Over lunch with a colleague, this week:

American woman: "So whose playing in the first game of the World Cup - Barcelona and who else?"

Me: "Germany and Costa Rica."

American woman: "So who are Barcelona playing against?"

Me "Barcelona is a city in Spain, not a country. It's a tournament for national teams."

American woman: "Right, right. So who are Barcelona, Spain playing against?"

No word of a lie.
Richard Marshall

...Overheard at a restaurant on Sunday in Co.Cork, Ireland:

Wife: "Are we in the World Cup?"

Husband: "No, we didn't qualify"

Wife: "I'll be shouting for Barcelona then."
Denis Hurley, Co. Cork

...My mum started early this year in her pretending to be interested in football tomfoolery. After the Champions League final she asked me who won, I informed her that Arsenal had lost and Barcelona had won, she replied ,"Does that mean England aren't in the World Cup now" Numpty!
Darren Curtis

...Just last night after I came home with a brand new England white shirt for my little brother, my girlfriend asks me why I have bought the 'home' kit. To which I reply 'eh?'. Her witty comeback is a classic! "Well, silly, the World Cup is in Germany so England won't be needing the home kit will they? You should have bought the red one." Silly me.
Ben Chelton, Welling

...On overhearing a discussion at work between some of us non-Americans about the tournament starting in two days, a young American lady added "The World Cup, that's tennis, isn't it?"
Sean Kinnear, English in the USA

...I was asked by an anonymous female friend why there were five teams in our group and yet four in the others. She was disappointed when I pointed out that Trinidad wouldn't actually be playing against Tobago in the tournament!
Richard Saxton

...How's about this for the silly things women say?!? Sat watching telly with my girlfriend last night she said the following:

"I've got a hair appointment in town at 2.30 this Saturday, would you mind dropping me off and picking me up? I'll treat you to tea somewhere..."

Sorry love, you can walk!
Chris Jordan, LUFC, Hull

...Since we've been together, my girlfriend Julie has fully embraced my passion for football with enthusiasm but has come out with some good ones. Here is a small selection:

1. In the pub last night, a mate said he'd seen the film United 93. Julie said: "I'm getting fed up of all this football talk."

2. We were watching MOTD when Jose brought on Duff, Cole and Robben when chasing a game at the end of last season. Julie wondered why Motty said: "Chelsea started the game without any but now they've got three white men on the pitch". The concept of wide men hadn't landed on planet Julie yet.

3. MOTD were showing Citeh when Shaun Wright Phillips was in the team, who she knew about. The commentator then referred to Bradley Wright-Phillips, and then showed him on camera. Julie said, "Are they related?"

4. When watching a game in the pub, the ads were on the telly at half time. She looked up and saw the bloke in the wheelbarrow on the Wickes advert. She thought the second half had started and they were taking an injured player off in a barrow.

There have been others, but I can't remember them at the moment. As we head into the World Cup, I am looking forward to posting any further gems.
John Smith, Handforth, Cheshire

...Looking through my World Cup 2006 sticker album (yes I know I'm too old, but it's tradition!) my dear fiancée asked just how Ruud Van Nistelrooy could play for Holland when he was still a Manchester United player. Now bless her for listening to my rants about how sad it will be for Ruud to be sold this summer, but she hasn't really got to grips with the club and country aspect - unless they're English...

Fiancée = Laura Louise Watson - still the love of my life.
Alex Alderson

...When I was in Italy I bought a hat which had INTER written across the top of it. One of the birds in my class goes "what happened to the W?"
Johnny Q.

...During the recent England v Jamaica friendly, my lovely girlfriend Lori remarked "I thought David Beckham played for Real Madrid?".

Oh dear.
Chris Davies

Ok...not a World Cup one but pretty stupid none the less:

Back in '96 when I was doing my A levels and Liverpool were on their way to the infamous cream suit cup final fiasco with the Mancs we had drawn the first game, maybe the quarter final I can't remember which now. Anyway, the replay was a midweek one and as we were finishing our last lecture of the day this girl Emma overhears me and the lads planning that night's boozy footy viewing and shouts over:

"Dave, what are you lot up to tonight?"

Me "Watching the game, it's the FA Cup replay tonight."
Emma: "Replay? Why are you watching it when you already know the result?"

Cue the lads and half the girls falling about laughing and a very stern-faced girl giving us all dirty looks. She still hasn't forgiven me for that ten years later....
Dave Walker

...This is going back to Euro 2000, but a female colleague at work had just learned that Dennis Bergkamp was Dutch. She pondered for a moment, and then asked "So, what happens when Holland play Arsenal?"
Rob Johnson, Bristol

...Me and my mentally challenged missus Rachel were watching the 10:30 news last night, I was quite surprised actually as she did not open her mouth and embarrass herself once all day - Until about 10:50. The 1966 ENGLAND World Cup winners classic masterpiece that was recorded in 1982 for the World Cup was on the news. In the clip it went round all the players singing about themselves in which Martin Peters was zoomed in on. Now I don't know why she said this and I don't really want to challenge her mind as to why it came out, but she said about Martin Peters, "He's Scottish isn't he?".

I just looked at her in disbelief. Granted, she is Welsh, but I thought she was different, Jesus Christ it had a big heading at the bottom saying "England 1966 World Cup winners" - Nevermind!
James Dunn

...Along the lines of stupid things that women say about the World Cup, I have a cracker...

I organised the office sweepstake for the World Cup, and being the only bloke this was never going to be easy. After I had cut out team names and kits and put them in the bag ready for the draw the girls I work with played a prank on me and replaced some teams from the draw with the likes of 'Vatican City', 'Disney Land' and 'Antarctica'.

How very amusing!

Anyway, one girl walks over to see what we are doing, looks at the piece of paper with Antarctica written on it (which has now been removed so I could proceed with the serious draw) and promptly says the following: "Antarctica! I didn't even know they were in it. A load of Eskimos running around on the pitch! Ha Ha! They haven't got a chance blah blah blah'

I mean, seriously, give me strength.
Mr. Bash (I got Togo and Ivory Coast in the draw)

...Two Welsh birds sat behind me on the Easyjet flight from Barcelona to Gatwick on Sunday morning:

Bird One: "Hang on, David Beckham's English but he plays in Spain. Who's he going to play for in the World Cup?"

Bird Two: "Good question, I really don't know."

As if that wasn't bad enough, the one in the seat directly behind me then proceeded to vomit for the rest of the flight. Going British Airways next time.
Moles

1 Comments:

Anonymous Jarod said...

Pretty helpful piece of writing, thanks so much for your post.
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10:47  

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