Handy Tips
1) If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
2) Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3) Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
4) Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.
5) Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt, a dog turd and a used condom into the bath.
More Handy Tips
2) Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3) Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
4) Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastards.
5) Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt, a dog turd and a used condom into the bath.
More Handy Tips
posted by Dirty Dan at 7:09 PM
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