Old but funny Jokes (Some may be offensive)

Man goes down on a woman and says 'f**k that stinks!'
Woman says 'its arthritis.'
He says - 'what - in your c**t?'
She says 'no, in my shoulder, I can't wipe my arse!'



A little girl comes home from school and sees Daddy standing in the kitchen.
'Daddy Daddy guess how old I am today??' she asks.
'Well well...You're 8 years today sweetie!' answers Daddy.
'Yayyy thats right' she says and goes into the living room where grandpa is watching the telly.
'Grandpa Grandpa guess how old I am today'
'Come here' says grandpa, and puts his hand up her skirt, sticking his finger up her cunt before he takes it out and and then licks his finger. 'You're eight today' he says.
'How did you know???' the little girl asks.
'I heard your dad', replied Grandpa.



Q: Whats black and screams?
A: Stevie Wonder answering the Iron



Q: Whats green and hard
A: a frog with a flick knife



Q: Whats a foot long and slippery ???
A: a slipper



Q: What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe ?
A: Roberto



Two cows in a field, one turns around and says:
"You hear about this mad cow disease going around?" ,to which the other replys:
"Yeah its terrible, Thank God I'm a dog"



Q: What's the difference between acne and Gary Glitter?
A: Acne waits until 13 before it comes on your face



Q: What's pink, slimey and falls out of a tree?
A: Monkeys Miscarraige.