Sexist Jokes Time!

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.



What does a woman make best for dinner?
Reservations.



A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack your things! I've just won the lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just pack your stuff and fuck off!"



Husband: Put your coat on love, I'm going to the pub.
Wife: Are you taking me out for a drink?
Husband: Don't be silly woman, I'm turning the heating off.



What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman!



What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.



The wife found her husband sitting on the back porch crying. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Do you remember when we were dating and your father told me that if I didn't marry you, he would send me to prison for 20 years?" he said. "Yes", she responded "So what". "I would have gotten out of prison today", he sobbed.



How can you tell if a woman is happy?
Who cares?



Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract.



What do you call an intelligent woman in America?
A tourist.



What do you call a woman who has lost her mind?
A widow.



A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.



Don't be sexist. Birds hate that!



Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.



A businessman, an intelligent woman, and the Easter Bunny get into an elevator. There is a £10 note lying on the groud. Who picks it up?
The businessman; the other two don't exist.



What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.



What's the first thing a woman should do after coming home from the battered women's refuge?
The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.



What's the difference between a woman with P.M.S. and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.



How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to change the bulb and the other to suck my dick.



What's the most intelligent thing to have ever come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's cock.



Whats the difference between a women and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.



What do women and computers have in common?
You don't appreciate them until they go down on you.



Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet.



Why do brides wear white?
So that they match the other domestic appliances.



Why are women not good skiers?
There's no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.



Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that - why did she leave the kitchen?



How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None, she should've opened it already.



What do you do if your wife comes out the kitchen nagging?
Shorten the chain.



Why do they call P.M.S., P.M.S.?
Mad Cow Disease was already taken.