Sunday, July 10, 2005

More of the Simspons

I'll never get tired of these...

Bart Simpson Quotes

Bart: There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

Bart: What'd you do? Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus?
Homer: All the time. It was the title of our second album.

Bart: Well, I'm flunking math and the other day I was a little attracted to Milhouse.

Rupert Murdoch picking up phone: Hello, Murdoch here... 10,000 dollars? You've saved my network!
Bart: Wouldn't be the first time.

Bart: Please make me write something on the chalkboard a thousand times.
Ms. Krabapple: We got tired of that blackboard thing years ago.

Bart: Wicca's a Hollywood fad.
Lisa: Thats Kaballah, you jerk.

Bart: I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Bart: Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Bart: Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.

Bart: Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

I will not torment the emotionally frail
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not spin the turtle
This punishment is not boring and pointless
I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I no longer want my MTV
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
Sherri does not "got back"
I have neither been there nor done that
I will stop phoning it in
Substitute teachers are not scabs
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I will not surprise the incontinent
The nurse is not dealing
Science class should not end in tragedy
Network TV is not dead
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
I will not scare the Vice President
Nobody reads these anymore
The giving tree is not a chump
This school does not need a "regime change"
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

Bart's Prank Calls
IP Freely
Jock Strap
Al Caholic
Oliver Clothesoff
Seymour Butts
Heywood U Cuddleme
Mike Rotch
Hugh Jass
Bea O'Problem
Amanda Hugginkiss
Ivona Tinkle
Ura Snotball
Maya Buttreeks
Anita Bath

Homer Simpson Quotes

Homer: "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

Homer: "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

Homer: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

Homer: "I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh,good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

Homer: "Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

Homer: "Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."

Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Homer: I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Homer: Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Homer [Looking at a globe being Uruguay] :Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'

Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things!

Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

Homer: "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"

Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. lie dectector blows up.

Homer: They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce and Lance and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that
word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!

Homer is staring at Carmen Electra's chest
Carmen Electra:
Homer, my face is up here.
Homer: I've made my choice.

Homer on Family

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

Homer on Religion

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Homer on Work

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

Moe Szyslak Quotes

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Joey runs out of the bar sobbing
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!

Moe on Lie Detector
Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! *buzz* Alright, maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him. *ding*
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. *buzz* A date. *buzz* Dinner with a friend. *buzz* Dinner alone. *buzz* Watching TV alone. *buzz* Alright! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. *buzz* Sears catalog. *ding* Now would you unhook this already, please! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*

Moe: Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today.

Apu Quotes

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I work, I work.

Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

Please do not offer my god a peanut

Bart and Lisa are reading a magazine at the Kwik-E-Mart]
Hey, hey, this is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down or I'll blow your heads off!

This is how you talk when you learn English from pornos.

And........ Milhouse!

Milhouse: I can't go to Juvie! They use guys like me as currency!

Related posts
Best of Homer Simpson Quotes
The Real Simpsons
More Simpsons Quotes from the F365 Forum
Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Sentences


Anonymous scientist dan said...

hehehee...i can't believe i just read all of those.

Blogger Dirty Dan said...

I'm glad someone did! it took bloody agez! lol

how you been dan

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i came to ur site cause it had simpsons quotes and simpsons rule anyways Manchester United is better than Liverpool and guess who which 4 teams got into the champions league (and u guys just won it and u guys r not in it)

Blogger Dirty Dan said...

erm.. you're not exactly mister current affairs are you anonymous - we're in the champions league.

Oh and by the way, if you ever wanna see the cup that Manchester United won in the Champions league in 99, come down to anfield where it now permanently resides.


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