Real Men...

... never wear pink. No, it doesn't mean you're comfortable with your sexuality, it just makes you look f**king gay.
... like old school rock
... can eat extra hot vindaloo without complaining about the chilli content
... sleep naked
... never drink WKD, or anything with 'DIET' in the name
... don't wear trainers
... read Thomas Hardy
... drink Guiness
... smoke full fat Marlboro Reds (or Bensons)
... never get a 'cold' (only Flu)
... dont spend more than 30 seconds doing their hair in the morning.
... dont moisturise
... drive real cars. not smart cars, hybrids, bmws or mopeds.
... eat meat, and lots of it.
... have hands that look like they've actually done a days work in the last 20 years.
... have eyes that look like they have 'seens things'
... play competative sports.
... dont drink anything that isnt brown or black, or vodka!
... could drink a horse under the table.
... can change a tyre.
... grip a cigarette, not caress it with two fingers like a pu*sy.
... own one air of jeans.
... sing at the match.
... get into fights over nothing and come away still feeling they were right.
... are not afraid to get 'dirty'
... have never eaten a korma. they only order curries that make them sweat profusely.
... is a great 80s comedy with Jim Belushi and John Ritter
... use the tradesmans entrance at B&Q
... make up the best man speech as theyre delivering it
... dont need satnav. ffs!
... drive manual.
... can cook better than women but never let on.
... only recongnise 9 colors. red, yellow, pink, green, orange, purple, blue, black and white.
... do not carry 'man bags' or satchels.
... have at least one scar on their person.