Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Update on Skrtl's inury!

Rumours coming from the hospital claim he refused anaesthetic..as he claimed it was for wimps. He then operated on himself with a tin opener, whilst the surgeon held a candle so he could see.Aftet the procedure it was found they had operated on the wrong knee without anaesthetic. Martin Skrtel didn't flinch but asked them to hurry up and get the other one fixed so he could go for a jog today.As he requested before arrivial his hospital bed is made of nails and sulphuric acid and yesterday a LFC spokesman stated what everyone else already knew "Liverpool football club would like to confirm that this injuy proves that the only person hard enough to injure Martin Skrtel,
is Martin Skrtel.



Above is a picture of Martin Skrtl charging himself before a match.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The Unwritten Laws of Football

Before kick-off
— Any player being filmed leaving a team bus must ensure that he is wearing headphones and carrying a small Louis Vuitton wash bag.
— Players who once represented the same club must stop and chat animatedly to each other in the tunnel as they wait to come out, even if they never really spoke to each other when they played together.
— On the day of a cup final, players must walk on to the pitch in their club suit approximately 1½ hours before kick-off and touch the turf to make sure it is just like all the other grass they play on every week. At least one player must pick some and throw it in the air to gauge the wind direction even though it is May, very still, and, therefore, very unlikely to affect anything.
Scoring
— If a player mishits a good chance, he must look down and carefully examine the pitch, maybe even treading back in some turf, so that everyone knows he got a bad bounce. If it is a televised game, he should continually blow mucus out of his nose as the camera tracks him back to his own half.
— When a player makes a great assist only to see a teammate tap the ball in, he must stand well away from the celebrating players and wait for them to come over and individually congratulate him.
Corners and throw-ins
— All throw-ins must be taken at least ten yards farther up the pitch than where the ball went out. The referee is allowed to tell the player off, but only when he has exceeded ten yards.
— All corner takers must push the corner flag to one side, regardless of whether it gets in the way. They must also raise a hand before taking the kick, irrelevant of where they intend to send the ball.
Free kicks
— Two or more players should always dispute who will take a free kick, even though they have spent an entire week on the training ground working out who will take them.
— When a player has conceded a free kick, he must pick up the ball and run several yards before dropping it behind him without looking. When a free kick is awarded and the referee places the ball in the required spot, it is essential to pick it up and place it down again at least six inches further forward, ideally with a backspin motion.
Offside
— When a player is judged offside and still shoots but doesn’t score, he must pretend he knew it was offside all along and didn’t really try to score at all. On the other hand, if he does score, he must act “outraged” and “robbed”.
— Any striker who is more than five yards offside must still either wag a finger or launch a tirade of expletives at the flag-bearing official.
Substitutions and injuries
— A player leaving the pitch on a stretcher must always be applauded, while players with equally serious injuries who are helped off by the physio must be booed.
— When water bottles are thrown on to the pitch while a teammate is receiving treatment, players must always squirt some out on to the grass before taking a sip.
— Players warming up along the touchline must always put their hands behind their backs and kick their heels up to touch them, even though they never do this in training or at any other time.
Goalkeepers
— Before kick-off, goalkeepers should always hang from the crossbar to check it does not have any cracks in it.
— Keepers must use the special adhesive power of saliva by spitting into their gloves as much as possible during games. They should also kick the soles of their boots against the post at least three times in each half.
— Goalkeepers should sprint into the opposition penalty box for injury-time corners, even if they have never connected with a header in their life.
Managers
— Any manager facing lower-league opposition in a cup game must describe the team he is facing as “well organised”.
— Assistant managers must be equipped with a blank piece of paper on which they can pretend to show substitutes the opposition’s tactical formation. In addition, assistants should shout and gesticulate in exactly the same way as the manager, only two seconds later.
Officials
— The referee must only blow for full time when the ball is in mid-air after a long goal kick.
— The fourth official must always check a substitute’s studs before he comes on, even though none of the studs of the players on the pitch were checked. It should be noted that no substitute in the history of football has ever been caught wearing “inappropriate studs” and no substitute has ever been refused access to the field of play because of a “stud check”.
— Fourth officials should always be of a smiling disposition when trying to calm infuriated managers back into the dugout.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Peter Andre gets PWNED!
Jordan sounds like a good mother.



In 10 years that fat c**t is going to be a celebrity strolling round with dolly birds on his arm puffing cigars and drinking champagne.
but we will have the last laugh when he smacks off a lamppost



Labels: humor
Thursday, May 03, 2007
'You must be Strong!!!'

NOTE: The following report is from SKYNEWS, The S*N's parent company. We at this.is.anfield do NOT encourage you to read this disgraceful publication run by c*nts - as not only is it full of shit, their front page coverage of Hillborough printed number of lies about the disaster, causing outrage and anger among not just the victims's families but also Liverpool's residents (and football fans all over the world). Read the bit about Hillsborough on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_S*n
Liverpool hero Jose Reina feels his strength is helping him on his way to becoming a 'great' goalkeeper.
Reina's two saves in Tuesday's penalty shoot-out against Chelsea took Liverpool into a second UEFA Champions League final in three years.
His spot-kick prowess also helped The Reds to win last season's FA Cup final, although Reina puts his record down to 'luck'.
However, the Spaniard believes his mental toughness is playing a key role in establishing him as one of the game's top keepers.
"My penalty record is down to luck, but you have to like football too," said Reina in The S*n. (WTF)
"The more you watch games, the more information you learn. Ahead of the Chelsea game I didn't do too much different than I would normally do, but it is important to know what their players do at other moments.
"It depends always on the situation of the game. There are many things. But I won't say too much more because that is my secret.
"To be a great goalkeeper - and that is what I am trying to be - you must be f*cking strong. Excuse me for using that word.
"Your mistakes are magnified and, at a club like Liverpool, more so. Every one is seen as the end of the world and you have to be very strong mentally to ignore that.
"But throughout my career I have had to be strong. The start of this season was like that and when I had to leave Barcelona for Villarreal it was the same. I learned a lot from that experience." SkyNews
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Bye Bye Mourinho...

Although Liverpool won the game, were the only team that scored, had another disallowed, hit the woodwork and after 30 minutes had enjoyed 79% possession, I think clearly Mourinho is justified in saying that Chelsea were the better team and were the only ones trying to win the game. What an arsehole.
I think he will leave Chelsea now. Over the last week he's had rants targeted at Liverpool and Man U that were almost childish in their incoherence and as a result he has lost the league to one and been knocked out of Europe by the other. He's definitely lost his aura now. He's just a whining little maggot.
I do feel sorry for the likes of Drogba, Robben and Ferreira though, as the effort they put into some of their diving was truly heroic.

Labels: champions league, chelsea, football, humor, liverpool, mourinho
The COOLEST man at Anfield





Loved watching Rafa on the grass, chillin, calm as fu*k.

Labels: benitez, champions league, football, humor, liverpool
The Agonies of John Terry: Vol 2

Just how sad does he look in this

After the '05 CL semi:
"But at 80 minutes I started to panic and when I saw the clock going to 88 minutes, my eyes started filling up with tears. When Eidur Gudjohnsen's shot somehow went out into touch in the last minute of injury time I can't explain quite how I felt. It was like everything went from my body. We had had one more chance. This was it. And then it was all gone in a split second.
I was distraught after the game. I didn't know what to do with myself. What I couldn't quite comprehend was that for the second year in succession, we had lost a Champions League semi we were supposed to win.
For the second year in succession we had got so close to the final, the match that is the Holy Grail for every professional footballer, and then we had blown it.
I wanted to run straight back down the tunnel when the final whistle went.
But I went up to Stevie Gerrard and Jamie Carragher and told them: "Go and lift it now. Go and lift it for yourself and for your club." It was hard because a big part of me just wanted to get back to the dressing room away from the cameras and the eyes of the crowd and just wallow in my despair.
When you have got grown men on the pitch crying because they have just lost something they have worked so hard for, the rawness of that can be quite shocking. William Gallas was beside himself with despair. A few of us were.
When I heard the final whistle, I broke down. I was crying. People were saying to me that it wasn't our year and our chance would come. But I was in bits. Willie and Eidur were the same. The manager came over and said "No tears again. We will have our time."
Going back to the dressing room was the lowest I have felt in football. I know when I walk in there next time, when we play Liverpool in October, it's all going to come flooding back and I'm already dreading that.
I sat there in the dressing room that night with a towel over my head, just crying.
Nobody wanted to move from their seat. We sat there for an age. No one wanted to look up, speak, move, to get up to get showered or even wanted to get changed. It was an hour and a half before the lads were out of the dressing room.
I kept thinking about something Marcel Desailly once said to me, that in the Champions League, you get one chance at it and if you don't take it, it doesn't happen. That haunted me as we drove away from Anfield".
From his autobiography. Might need an extra chapter or two.
(Thx Kennedy81)
"But at 80 minutes I started to panic and when I saw the clock going to 88 minutes, my eyes started filling up with tears. When Eidur Gudjohnsen's shot somehow went out into touch in the last minute of injury time I can't explain quite how I felt. It was like everything went from my body. We had had one more chance. This was it. And then it was all gone in a split second.
I was distraught after the game. I didn't know what to do with myself. What I couldn't quite comprehend was that for the second year in succession, we had lost a Champions League semi we were supposed to win.
For the second year in succession we had got so close to the final, the match that is the Holy Grail for every professional footballer, and then we had blown it.
I wanted to run straight back down the tunnel when the final whistle went.
But I went up to Stevie Gerrard and Jamie Carragher and told them: "Go and lift it now. Go and lift it for yourself and for your club." It was hard because a big part of me just wanted to get back to the dressing room away from the cameras and the eyes of the crowd and just wallow in my despair.
When you have got grown men on the pitch crying because they have just lost something they have worked so hard for, the rawness of that can be quite shocking. William Gallas was beside himself with despair. A few of us were.
When I heard the final whistle, I broke down. I was crying. People were saying to me that it wasn't our year and our chance would come. But I was in bits. Willie and Eidur were the same. The manager came over and said "No tears again. We will have our time."
Going back to the dressing room was the lowest I have felt in football. I know when I walk in there next time, when we play Liverpool in October, it's all going to come flooding back and I'm already dreading that.
I sat there in the dressing room that night with a towel over my head, just crying.
Nobody wanted to move from their seat. We sat there for an age. No one wanted to look up, speak, move, to get up to get showered or even wanted to get changed. It was an hour and a half before the lads were out of the dressing room.
I kept thinking about something Marcel Desailly once said to me, that in the Champions League, you get one chance at it and if you don't take it, it doesn't happen. That haunted me as we drove away from Anfield".
From his autobiography. Might need an extra chapter or two.
(Thx Kennedy81)
Labels: champions league, chelsea, humor
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Is it a bird? Is it a Plane?

No, its a 15 stone c*nt that goes down quicker than a 2 dollar hooker.






You might also wanna have a look at: Drogba - Hall of Shame
Cheers FunkyOttor