Saturday, July 02, 2005

Babe of the Day - Kristin Kreuk

She's the delicious little minx Lana, from Smallville and also Eurotrip :: Gallery

Marky Mark / Weekend Offering From Me

As it is nearly the weekend, I present a compilation of only the best chat up lines that should NEVER be attempted, no matter how drunk one is.
Have a good weekend!

1.) I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.

2.) You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

3.) Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

4.) Bond, James Bond.

5.) Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.

6.) Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!

7.) If you were a duck and I were a moose, and we had sex, we'd make a duckmoose, and it would sound like this:[make the wierdest sound you can].

8.) I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking you out.

9.) Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!

10.) I have only three months to live. ..

11.) There are 265 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more?

12.) I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

13.) I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

14.) Babe! you look so fine i could drink your bath water!

15.) Gee, for a fat girl you sure dont sweat much

16.) Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

17.) (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

18.) I have a six inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears. (only chat-up line here that may actually work!)

19.) Do you live on a chicken farm (girl says no) well you sure know how to raise cocks

20.) Does this cloth smell of chloroform to you?

Coincidence? Or a monumental cockup by the Navy?

In the news this week: A fault in an undersea cable has crippled many of Pakistan's internet and mobile phone links overseas. The fault has been traced to a point in the Arabian Sea 35km (21 miles) south of Karachi and technicians from Dubai are travelling to make repairs.

Also in the news this week: Joint US-Pakistan Naval Excercises took place in the Arabian Sea, during which maritime security operations including anti-submarine, anti-surface, anti-air and blue water exercises were carried out.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Feed Lindsay - because we'd all rather see the left hand picture than the right hand one.

[A Welsh View]

How not to take a photo of your cat

US ARMY: Top Secret

US ARMY reveals their latest secret vehicle for use in Iraq.

A Welsh View

Joke of the Day

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got for Christmas?

He felt his presents

Benitez swoop for 16 year old can today confirm Rafael Benitez has swooped to take Lincoln's highly-rated teenager Jack Hobbs on trial for a week with a view to a permanent move to Anfield.

The centre-half will spend a week at Melwood, starting on Monday, and if he impresses he could secure a dream move to the European champions.

Worrying Signs

According to the BBC, the key elements of narcissistic personality disorder - the condition that led a 19-year-old boy to bludgeon his parents to death - are as follows...

* Grandiose sense of self-importance
* Preoccupied with fantasies about unlimited successes
* Believes self to be "special"
* Requires excessive admiration
* Has a sense of entitlement
* Is interpersonally exploitative
* Lacks empathy
* Is often envious
* Displays arrogant, haughty behaviour

Has Jose Mourinho been diagnosed yet?

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The American Traveler's Guide to Britain

This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. By all accounts it was taken seriously by a lot of people...

The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser" - he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

British cuisine enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week (rest assured that a British meal is worth interrupting your afternoon wank for).

Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her Majesty's seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE). When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss.

Once the waiter realises you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite British wines. If he does not, you should order one anyway. The best wine grapes grow on the steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia - try an Ely '84 or Ripon '88 for a rare treat indeed.

When the bill for your meal comes it will show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine there again, in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will understand that he should run a tab for you.

Public taxis are subsidised by the Her Majesty's Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell "I think not, you charlatan!", then grab the nearest policeman (bobby) and have the driver disciplined.

It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since bus drivers are required to make detours at patrons' requests. Just board any bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-coloured coins are "pence"), and state your destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: "Please take me to the British Library." A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by pretending he doesn't go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you're not so ignorant!).

For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman. Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians.

Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disturb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement "Mind the Gappe!" is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of transportation.

One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization-the "shin" stands for "shalom"). As savvy travelers know, this little white lie will assure you priority treatment as you make your way through customs. Safe travels and Bon Voyage!

Romantic Happenings at Glastonbury (NWS)

Bunny Suicides

It made me laugh
Rest of them here

Babe of the Day - Estella Warren

Proves yet again that you don't necessarily need big boobs to win this title.

Here's the full Photo Gallery

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Joke of the Day

Three blondes are walking through a jungle when they come up to some tracks.

First blonde says - 'They're deer tracks'

Second blonde says - 'No they're not. Clearly they're too big to be deer tracks. They're bear tracks.

Third one goes - 'Oh shut it you two, they're moose tra...'

And then a train hits them

I've got fans too you know

See how they declare their undying love for moi.

click to enlarge

click to enlarge

Make loads of cool and real looking postcards at LetterJames

Slightly Disturbing Image Of The Day

Caption Competition - Leave yours in 'comments' below!

Today's Football News Roundup

A round up of the major football stories at 8:06 am GMT Tuesday June 28th 2005

Gerrard puts pen to paper
Steven Gerrard arrives yesterday at Anfield to immediately
put pen to paper, as Liverpool are back in training for their UEFA Champions League qualifier against TNS to be played at Anfield on Wednesday 13th July 2005 with kick-off at 7:45pm.

TNS Confirm Venue
TNS have
confirmed that they will play the second leg of their UEFA Champions League tie against Liverpool in Wrexham.

Juventus want Gerrard
Reports out of Italy are today claiming that
Juventus real transfer target this summer is Steven Gerrard.

What money cannot buy...
JOSE MOURINHO suffered a double snub last night as two more transfer targets slipped through his grasp. Lyon told Chelsea that midfielder Michael Essien would not be sold while Atletico Madrid fended off an inquiry for striker Fernando Torres. And Blues owner Roman Abramovich will have to fork out £22million if he wants to land Manchester City ace Shaun Wright-Phillips.

Mourinho has failed with moves for Barcelona striker Samuel Eto’o, Inter Milan hitman Adriano and AC Milan’s European Footballer of the Year Andriy Shevchenko.
The Sun
Crespo in line for Chelsea return
Chelsea may order striker Hernan Crespo back to Stamford Bridge from his loan spell at AC Milan.
Arsenal star Robin van Persie has been released from custody in Holland, two weeks after being arrested over allegations of rape.

For the latest Football News, please visit:

Football 365 - The best football news and humor BBC World News

Anonymous Comment

Anonymous said...

I see no detailed accounts of attrocities commited by terrorists on Americans and other nationalities. Please provide the same depth of coverage on torture, humiliation and slaughter commited by the terrorists as you provide on American treatment of "detainees".

This is a comment left on a previous post.
Anon, Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate you taking the time to make a valid request (even though you haven't left your name). But I think you're missing the point here.
America is a nation that prides itself on its human rights values and on civil liberties.
Terrorists don't.
America has a legitimate government chosen democratically by its citizens.
Terrorists and their actions are illegitimate. Fact.
I think nobody in their right mind would condone the atrocities committed by the terrorists on innocent civilians. They are barbaric and they do not represent any religion, despite claiming otherwise.
But when a civil government and a democratically elected president gets down to the same level as the terrorists, its just not on. Tell me anon, if a dog bites you, do you bite it back?
The detainees held at gitmo haven't been tried for any of the 'crimes' they allegedly committed. Many have been released in the past few months after it was discovered that they were pretty much innocent bystanders, really. How do you return 2-3 years of their lives that have been taken away from them for no reason? You can't. And their not allowed to sue either. Thats just taking the piss, don't you think?
I'm sure you can find 'detailed accounts' of the atrocities the terrorists commit in most newspapers and TV. What you don't see is detailed accounts of atrocities committed by governments such as US, Israel, Pakistan, in the name of freedom and democracy.
I do hope I've answered your question (if it was one) and deeply regret if any of my posts have offended you. I hope you will keep visiting and letting us know if there's anything that bothers you. Thanks Anon.

Monday, June 27, 2005

This post brought a tear to the eye...

Israel's policy of murdering foreign journalists & activists

"Maybe it's stupid to do something like this and throw myself in so deep — as deep as I can,"
Tom Hurndall wrote in his diary on April 5. "But it's something I want to do. It isn't so much fear that I'm feeling now as a deep sense that things won't turn out so well this time." The next day, the 21-year-old British peace activist left Jerusalem for the Gaza Strip to act as a human shield to protect Palestinians from the Israeli army. And his premonition came true. On April 11, the unarmed Briton was shot in the head by an Israeli soldier, as he shepherded Palestinian children from an area under fire from Israeli tanks in Rafah.

He was wearing a distinctive bright orange jacket worn by activists.

Londoner Raphael Cohen, 37, who went with Hurndall to Rafah, says he was among a group of peace activists heading for the front line, intending to pitch a tent. As they were en route, Israeli gunfire began hitting a narrow passage where children were playing. Hurndall, wearing the fluorescent orange vest of a noncombatant, twice went to help the children, the second time to bring a little girl out. "As he was turning to do that, he got hit in the head," says Cohen, who claims there were no shots from the Palestinian side. "If there had been resistance fire, we would not have been there. We don't get involved in crossfire."

The Israelis tried for months to avoid having to bring the soldier to trial for Tom's murder, make up false claims such as he was shot by Palestenian gunmen etc. They have
lied in the past and they tried to lie to the world again but this time, the reaction was strong enough to force them to investigate Tom's murder.

It was also revealed that the cunt who shot Tom, tried to
cover up his crime by asking for his commander's permission to shoot an "armed man" moments after he had already fired the fatal shot.

today, ex-sergeant Taysir Hayb was convicted at a military court in Ashkelon for Tom's murder in April 2003. Hayb will be sentenced at a later date.

BBC Reports:
The court was told Hayb fired at Mr Hurndall from an Israeli army watchtower, using a sniper rifle with a telescopic sight.

Witnesses said Mr Hurndall, from north London, had been escorting children away from gunfire when he was hit in the head by a single shot.

The Israeli army initially disputed this account, but under pressure from Mr Hurndall's family and the British government it ordered a full investigation. It later indicted Hayb, a member of Israel's Bedouin Arab minority.

The defendant was led out of the court in handcuffs and tried to attack a number of photographers and cameramen filming him.

Tom's crime? Helping defenseless palestenian children? or having witnessed Israeli tanks firing on unarmed children? Yasser Arafat gave him the Honour of a Martyr. That's exactly what he was.

Tom is not the only foreign peace activist to be seriously injured by security forces in Israel. Days before that,
Rachel Corrie from the US was crushed to death by a bulldozer.

'Rachel knelt down in its way. She was 10-20 metres in front of the bulldozer, waving her hands and shouting for it to stop, the only object for many metres, directly in it's view. They were in Radio contact with a tank that had a profile view of the situation.

They pushed Rachel, first beneath the scoop, then beneath the blade, then continued till her body was beneath the cockpit. They waited over her for a few seconds, before reversing. They reversed with the blade pressed down, so it scraped over her body a second time. Every second I believed they would stop but they never did.'
Eye Witness Account

Rachel's Crime: Trying to stop the bulldozer from demolishing a Palestenian house.

'I do believe it was intentional. I saw it, and I know he saw her, I know he did, and I know he knew she was still under the bulldozer when it backed up without raising its blade. I don't know if he wanted to kill her, or if he was just focused on doing his work and didn't care if he killed her or not, I don't know which is scarier. I don't feel like telling the whole detailed story right now. I promise that for the record I will tell it in detail, but give me a few days. I just want to quickly dispel a few myths you may have heard in the media. She did not "trip and fall" in front of the bulldozer. (
Watch in pictures) She sat down in front of it, well in advance, wearing one of the orange flouro jackets I got in Amsterdam. (By the way, I took the pictures you may have seen of her, standing with the megaphone in front of the bulldozer, and the ones of her friends helping her.)' JOE SMITH EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT

Then there was
Miller, 34, was killed in May 2003 as he filmed at night in the southern Gaza Strip. He was carrying a white flag and shouted to the troops that he was a British journalist. The Guardian reported that when prosecutor general, Avihai Mandelblitt, cleared the unidentified officer of Miller's death last month through lack of evidence, he should be disciplined for misusing his weapon and changing his story several times. But instead the army refused to do so, ruling that he "was operating in very difficult circumstances, including taking incoming fire from terrorists, and concluded that he acted appropriately".

There's also been the case of
Israeli Army shooting at British MP's.

These are just the cases that receive worldwide publicity because there's a foreigner involved while hundreds of Palestenians die every day, un-noticed. Civil liberties group Human Rights Watch last week accused Israel of investigating less than 5% of hundreds of cases of Palestinians killed since 2000. When will the world take notice?

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Liverpool's First Signing of the Summer?

According to reports originating from Greece, Liverpool have signed Bolton midfielder Stelios Giannakopoulos on a two-year-deal.

Speaking only last month, Bolton Chairman Phil Gartside issued Liverpool with a "hands off" warning following intense speculation that we were about to make a move for the winger.

At the time Gartside said: "We are not prepared to let him go. He's on a long-term deal and he is not for sale."

Gartside's words came on the same day that Giannakopoulos said: "All I know is that Liverpool have shown interest in me. I don't want to say anything more as right now I have a contract with Bolton. It's an honour for me and for Bolton to attract interest from Liverpool. We'll see what happens."

The 30-year-old (31 in July) 2million-rated Greek international scored eight goals in 38 games last season. Signed from Olympiakos on a Bosman in 2003, Giannakopoulos has a year left on his existing contract with Bolton. His real name is Stylianos but he prefers to be called Stelios.

The History Of The Interweb

The history of the Interweb is actually very difficult to trace. A select group of uber nerds were suppose to be documenting it but they soon gave up when they discovered Interweb Porn.

Not all is lost as i have managed to track it down, and i can varify that it is all 100% accurate. Click Here

This coincidentally leads to the Link Of The Day.

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

A funny read if you've got the time (it is sunday after all) They are storied provided by travel agents.

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

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