this.is.anfield: 14 May 2006

Babe of the Day: Lucy Clarkson

Lucy Clarkson

Q: What's red and white and goes beep beep beep?

A: Arsenals open top bus reversing back into the garage..

Liverpool to blame for Arsenal's defeat

Samuel Eto singled out Liverpool Football Club as the inspiration behind Barcelona's fantastic Champions League final comeback in Paris on Wednesday night. Although its hardly a comeback, by our standards, from a goal down against 10 men.

"If you look at Liverpool's spirit, you know you have to fight to the end and, God permitting, you can win."

"You can't allow doubts to creep in in a final like this. When we came out after half-time, we heard our supporters and remembered the spirit of Liverpool's players a year ago."

Congratulations to Barca, and a big well done to le' arse, and their supporters, for coming this far and fighting till the end when the chips were down. What could have been a fantastic final was ruined as a contest by the referee. But Arsenal still did everyone proud by not folding like a pack of cards and making it indeed very difficult for Barcelona.

You'll never walk alone!

HIGHLIGHTS:

FA CUP Victory Parade Pics & Videos

CLICK TO DOWNLOAD THE STEVEN GERRARD 2ND GOAL WALLPAPER

FA Cup Parade Video 1

FA Cup Parade Video 2

World Cup Stereotypes

The Good Ol' USA!

Here's more

The new chav princess?

F*ucking hope not! A couple of weeks ago, nobody had heard her name. Now it looks like she'll be a millionairess before the World Cup kicks off in Germany next month!

Meet Melanie Slade, the latest 'footballers wife'. Or girlfriend. Atleast she's a bit on the educated side and seems intelligent, so we won't have to go through that fat minger Colleen and her 'shopping' exploits again!

Some jokes sent in by our readers

Q: What's small, falls out the sky and makes your girlfriend wet?

A: Me with a parachute

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A guy comes to his doctor and says "Doc, my peepee hurts"

Dr. says, you've got chinese crabs, we gonna have to cut it off.

He goes to another doctor, and the other doctor tells him the same thing.

So he's completely freaked, he goes to a holistic healer, shows it to him, and asks the guy, "Do we have to cut it off?"

Healer says, "Of course not."

So the guy, massively relieved, thanks him.

But the healer says, "It'll fall off by itself!"

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Two guys are pushing their shopping trolleys around a store when they collide.

The first guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going".

The second guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate".

The first guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like"?

The second guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, big breasts and is wearing short shorts and a tank top. What does your wife look like"?

The first guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

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What do you call a woman with two c**ts?

Mrs. Neville

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A rich man has three girlfriends, but can't decide which one to marry. To decide he comes up with an idea.

He gives them each £1000 and tell them they can do with the money what they wish.

The first woman goes straight out and spends the money on shoes.

The second woman goes out spends half the money on shoes and gives the other half to charity.

The third woman goes out and gives the whole £1000 to charity.

So, which one do you think he marries?

The one with the big tits.

You too, can contribute to this blog by sending in any jokes, photos, articles or any random crap to dan.thisisanfield@gmail.com

World Trade Center: The Movie

The trailer for the World Trade Center movie is out....! Some serious moustache action going on!

WTF of the day - Japanese Variety Show

Where have you seen this before?

Woohoo, it appears that the official Liverpool FC site is getting its design inspiration from somewhere not too far from here!

Things that will inevitably happen in the World Cup

A commentator will say "Oh, how England missed Rooney's finishing skills there..."

They will mention how 'cool' Sven is. And how passion-less he is when we inevitably go out to someone better than us

Captain Beckham will inspire no one

When England score, Beckham will be the first to arrive, jumping on the goalscorers back while ensuring the his hand is on the goalscorers face ensuring the camera is on him. All the time.

Metatarsals will break by the dozen. Most of them will be English

Commentator: "This is Beckham territory" when England get a free-kick 30 yards out.

England will get knocked out - losing on penalties. And this will be said "To be fair we lost to a great team"

3 England fans get into a minor scuffle with a Policeman in a town square. Sky News will show the 10 second footage on a non-stop loop for the rest of the day in an attempt to make it look like a mass riot has taken place.

Theo Walcott will be overwhelemed by the pressure and faint during the national anthem in england's biggest game in 40 years, against Trinidad and Tobago.

Any touch of the ball Walcott has that isn't spectacularly incompetent is overhyped, overstated and overscreened.

Theo Walcott's missus will be in all the tabloids. Topless. Hopefully.

Vegetable-related headline when England face Sweden

Hargreaves nonsensically substituted on despite a clear need for an offensive change

Ian Wright will do his usual impression of a gurning penis.

Everytime Wayne Rooney gets the ball in the opposition half the commentator will scream ROOOOOOOOONEY and ejaculate.

Someone will say Crouch has good feet for a big man

John Terry will handle in the box.

Lampard will score off a shot that will take a deflection off a defender's arse

Rio will have rubbish hair. He'll also be England's chief skinner-upperer.

John Motson will go on and on about how we need Emile Heskey

Beckham will do something to make us all hate him again.

Men around Britain will laugh at the Iranian national anthem

The United States will last longer than England.

An England centre back will have a goal disallowed

England will be drawing 1-1 with 15 to go, on comes, not Lennon, not walcott but yes, Jenas and Hargreaves.

David Beckham will miss his penatly

England will suffer at the hands of a referee

England fans will behave themselves, and the Sun will pay some locals to dress up in England attire and smash a café up, and go on about it for weeks.

Spain will be referred to as perennial underachievers and will do their inevitable balls-up in the second round.

The broadsheets will watch England's games with the Paraguyan community, the Trinidad and Tobago community and the Swedish community in London.

The Sun or The Mirror will have a headline with a Second World War gag in it. The most likely is "For you Fritz, the Cup is Over" if the Germans get knocked out in the group stages.

The camera will find and focus on a fit brazilian bird with big tits dancing in the crowd. The picture will next day appear in the Sun with the heading 'We put the bra in brazil'

A commentator will spaff his pants over Ronaldinho's skill

A small African team will be labelled as "naive" mere seconds before going one up against Brazil.

After said African team has scored, commentator will describe them as the brightest prospect in world football and hark back to Pele's words saying an African team will win the world cup. Eventually.

At least 3 Brazilian players will get together and do a little dance after scoring a goal. And the commentator will talk about samba magic

The commentator will mention Brazil playing to the 'Samba beat'

Commentator: 'Ronaldinho always plays the game with a smile on his face''

Fat Ronaldo will be top scorer, and look surprisingly thin and mobile after being away from madrid for a month. He will then go back to being fat.

The Germans will get to the final by playing shit football

Henry, for no apparent reason, will stop performing like a world class player.

Christiano Ronaldo will cry when Portugal get knocked out

An Argentinian will have awful hair

Saudi Arabia will get thrashed, while letting in 5 in one game.

Trinidad & Tobago will get complemented for the 'atmosphere' their fans bring to the competition

Holland's fans will blind the players with a sea of orange

George Boatang will be repeatedly called George Bo-e-tang

Stern John will be named player of the tournament in the disabled tournament

Arctic monkeys will be played atleast once in a stadium

Ruud Van Nistelroy will get into a punch up with CRonaldo, resulting in handbags and a portuagese throw-in.

USA will defy the laws of the game and will do well

Drogba will play better than he does for Chelski

A referee from a developing nation will make a big mistake during a vital game and the English pundits will say that they shouldn't have been allowed to referee such a high profile match.

Some muppets will riot. They won't be Japanese though, they'll clean all the stadia, in another bid to gain FIFA brownie points.

Aussie fans will get very very drunk and say they are just happy to be there no matter the results .

The Australian media to forget about the cup as soon as Australia is knocked, and shove it 15 pages back in the sport section with a 20 word column in the middle of the racing section

Each and every counrties national anthem will be absolutely butchered by the 'house band'.

Someones national anthem will appear to be played on the kazoo.

Brazil will win it

South Korea will do better than expected

Iran and the USA will not meet however much you want it to happen.

A German whore will get murdered.

At least 3-4 relatively unknown players from random countries will have unfeasibly good tournaments, resulting in a decent run for their countries. These players will then move to the Premiership in big-money deals and within a month everyone will realise they're actually gash.

Someone will get another yellow/red card and miss the next and most important of all games, thus letting down their side and nation.

A player will take his shirt off and be booked the second time and sent off

A big team will draw with a very little team

There will be numerous astonishing refereeing decisions involving diving and offsides.

A match will finish 4-3. Meanwhile you will have been watching the game that finished 0-0 on the other channel.

At least one player will call his coach a tosser in the media, get sent home, apologise and be allowed back in time for his team to get knocked out. He'll then blame the coach.

I will be late / fall asleep several times during the tournament and will be a pale, gaunt, unemployed man by the end of it.

Oh and Jose will still be moaning about the goal in last season's CL semi-final.

Priceless cockup by the beeb!

A CABBIE was mistaken for an IT expert he was sent to pick up at the BBC... and ended up being interviewed live on TV.

Watch the classic moment, where the cab driver realises that he is on air, and being mistaken for someone else, here. It's beyond classic: it's priceless.

Read more

Here is Guy J Kewney's blog where he mentions the incident.

Babe of the Day: Youko Matsugane

Youko Matsugane

Question of the Day

Is Pepe Reina Rafa's secret lovechild!?

Bitter, bitter Mancs!

Who remembers that infamous thread on the Chelsea forum the night Liverpool made history in Istanbul? Here's something similar, only this time its the sad mancs.

THE BEST FA CUP FINAL EVER?

Match Highlights

Gerrard's 2nd Goal

Liverpool lift the Cup

'Lampard v Gerrard'

Imagine the scene.. a big worldcup night, a pressure cooker of a game, your team is down, nearly out....

Lampard (and terry for that matter) go missing....

Gerrard, steps up to the plate, scores one and wreacks havoc winning a penno in the process.

IMO he's a better player not just cos he scres goals that aren't deflected but also because he comes up with the goods at the most vital moments.. as displayed today.

In summary, Gerrard pisses on Fat Frank from a very very great height.

Who's had the better season, us or Man USA?

QUICK SEASON REVIEW:

League:

2 Man Utd P38 W25 D8 L5 Pts 83
3 Liverpool P38 W25 D7 L6 Pts 82

FA Cup:

Man Utd - 5th Round (lost to Liverpool)
Liverpool - Winners

League Cup:

Man Utd - Winners
Liverpool - 3rd Round

Champions League:

Man Utd - Finished bottom of their group.
Liverpool - Topped their group; went out in the last 16.

In my opinion it was Liverpool.

Man Utd held their end of season party in February so they had no distractions in the league and still only managed to finish 1 point ahead of Liverpool.

Liverpool went further in the Champions League whereas Man Utd embarrassed themselves.

And finally, Man Utd won a mickey mouse nothing competition whereas Liverpool won the greatest domestic cup competition in the world.

Keep.it.simple

WOMAN'S DIARY:

Saturday 13th May 2006.

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me,and that he had found someone else...

I cried myself to sleep.

MAN'S DIARY:

Saturday 13th May 2006.

Liverpool's won the FA cup - bastards have had a better season than ours even though we finished one place higher!

Oh well. Got a shag though!

This.is.TechWatch: Top 10 Strangest Watches

Want to keep track of time but hate wearing bulky watches? Check out Timeflex, this nifty self-gumming watch sticks to your skin/clothes and can be rolled up like paper when not in use. Based on flexible screen technology, you control the menu via touchscreen. It’s powered by ultra small batteries that are invisible to the naked eye.

Top 10 Strangest Watches

Kill some time: Flash Games of the Day

Polish your football skills with this addictive game

GTA type game where you can go on missions or just run people over...

The Singhsons!

What The Simpsons would've been like if they were from India

Jessica Simpson's Saggy Tits

Well its official now, her body's falling apart. Its more or less certain when your nipples start pointing to the ground! I suppose Nick sure must have seen this coming!