Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Holidays

Wishing all our friends a

I aint no dodgy russian billionnaire so I can't really send all of you presents, but what I can do is post your present here:

Football Babes 1
Football Babes 2
Football Babes 3
Football Babes 4
Football Babes 5

Before you click, some of the pictures on these are NWS, so if you get sacked, you can't blame me.

And can I just say, big up the main man Gareth Williams

for sending in each of these lovely photos,

207 in total! Gareth, you are a superstar!

Hope you have a good one guys! Let us know how you get on or if there are any interesting/ridiculous/funny stories you wanna share with the rest of us!

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Miracle of Istanbul...

On a night of drama, Liverpool produce a remarkable comeback to defeat Milan on penalties and win fifth European Cup

The Liverpool fans came to the European Cup final as sore-footed pilgrims, forced by road blocks to trudge at least a couple of miles to the Ataturk Olympic stadium. They were on their way to a trial of faith. With their side 3-0 down to Milan, the eye-witness reports were of occasional sobbing at the interval, and those who sang You'll Never Walk Alone cannot have been sure whether they were launching a rallying cry at the Istanbul skies or merely consoling themselves.

There are no reproaches because doubt was a duty. This was the inconceivable victory and the final will remain unique no matter how long the tournament endures. "I never thought in the entire game that we were going to win," said Steven Gerrard. The candid words are woven into the paradox of the night. It was puzzling of the captain to claim that he was all the while resigned to defeat even as he did more than any other individual to overthrow Milan, but after this explosion of a game there were only the fragments of an explanation to be found among the debris.
Continue Reading

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Babe of the Day - Katrina Kaif

Thanks to SC Pete for this excellent Katrina Kaif Gallery

Survive the Office Party

How to walk with head held high after boozing with your boss.

Office parties can enhance relationships among colleagues, give the whole office the chance to wind down and reflect on the successes of the year, and cement the bond between management and staff. Yeah right! Office parties are an orgy of drunkenness and inappropriate photocopying that can ruin friendships, finish marriages and put careers back by years. Here’s how to survive yours with honour - and liver - intact.

Drink Like A Fish...

…and by “like a fish”, we mean take plenty of water with it. We’re not suggesting that you should poop the party by nursing half a shandy all night – it’s Christmas, after all. But avoid the worst alcohol-induced excesses by mixing up your rounds with glasses of water, and dipping into those stomach-lining snacks at regular intervals. Remember: everything that can go wrong at an office party has its origins in excess. Everything that can go right, like snapping the boss snogging the office junior and sending it to everyone in your email address book, has its origins in moderation.

Once A Boss...

A common mistake at office parties is to assume that – just because he’s splashed the petty cash at Bargain Booze – the boss is now your best mate. Remember, anything that you say in boozy confidence at the office party can and will come back to haunt you, whether in the cold light of a January day, at your next pay review, or when you’re handed your P45. Like elephants, bosses never forget, and like Pit Bulls, they’re liable to turn nasty when you slap them on the back, spill cheap lager on their expensive suit, and wonder out loud how you ever managed to work for such a clueless git.

Be Nice

Everyone likes to have someone to look down on, and luckily the complex hierarchy of most offices means that just about everybody does. Don’t let the boozy, matey atmosphere of the office party tempt you into abusing the underlings, however. They may get paid less than you, but the only thing that stops your working life descending into anarchy and chaos is the tireless labour (between tea breaks) of post boys, cleaners, IT staff and office juniors. Don’t believe us? Throw a few cruel jibes their way after one too many at the Xmas bash and see how many reports go missing, invoices get lost and computers beak down in January.

Sex Crime

The office party seems like the perfect time to make a move on that cutie from accounts...but is it? Before finding yourself in sweaty clinches in the stationary cupboard, ask yourself these important questions:

1) Are you after a one-night stand?
If so, remember that the person you are about to use and then spurn will still be sitting ten feet away from you in the morning, will happily tell half the office what a useless lover/feckless swine you are, and might even spend the next six months attempting to surreptitiously sabotage your career.

2) Do you feel sick?
Kissing couples are ten-a-penny at office parties. Couples who throw up on each other mid-snog, on the other hand (and in full view of company bigwigs), will enter office folklore and be immortalised in emails and on message boards for as long as the company exists. “Laughing stock” doesn’t even come close.

3) Is he or she your superior?
You might think that a bit of drunken fumbling with someone further up the company ladder is a sure way to enhance your career prospects. You’d be wrong. To the boss, your awkward smile across the photocopier next morning is nothing more than an unwanted reminder of a momentary lapse in the professionalism that got them to their exalted position in the first place. In other words, if you want to be persona non grata for the next 12 months, snog the boss.

4) Are you attached?
This is one for your own conscience, but remember, everyone in the office knows you are, and several of them may well of broken a bread stick or two with your spouse/partner at the office picnic in August. More worryingly, the IT guys have access to your email address book.

Mrs. Santa

Santa may be an old man, but even he likes to get his groove on with pretty ladies. The old Mrs. Santa had to make way for a younger model and my god is she a piece of work. So, boys and girls, if Santa is a little late this year in delivering you your presents the reason is he is trying to get his leg over with the new and improved Mrs. Santa. I know what I’ll be putting on my X-mas wish list next year and it involves the words ride, but not sledge.

Thanks to

Chav Nativity

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.'

Mary's totally gobsmacked.

She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? to have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh?

Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

From: The Convict

Reds bring festive cheer to kids

The Liverpool squad once again brought some festive cheer to kids who will spend Christmas in hospital this year when they visited the Alder Hey children's ward in Liverpool.

Why it sucks to be a Penis

10. You've got a hole in your head.
9. Your master strangles you all the time.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water.
6. You never get a haircut.
5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
4. Your closest neighbour is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy.
2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.

And the number one reason why it sucks to be a penis:

1. Every time you get excited, you throw up.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Babe of the Day - Kristianna Loken

A little bit of mix'n match - We'll alternate between our regular BOTDs and Bollwood BOTDs here for now as I can't find any good photo-galleries. Infact, if you know any good photogalleries for your favourite Bollywood babes, do email them to me.

Meanwhile, meet today's Babe of the Day,
Kristianna Loken

T.I.A Awards - Mother of the Year

Work v Prison

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell

At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

In prison you get 3 meals a day.

At work you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.

At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.

At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison a guard locks, unlocks...opens and closes all doors for you.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all doors yourself.

In prison you get your own toilet.

At work you have to share.

In prison they allow you to visit family and friends.

At work you can't even speak to family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.

At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.

At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can enjoy many programs which you can leave at anytime.

At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic and psychotic.

At work we call them managers.

Merry Lynxmas!

TIME: The Year in Photos [2005]

Things you didn't know about Chavski

Petr Cech- lost his virginity before his dad did.

Paulo Ferreira- He does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Paulo Ferreira goes killing

John Terry- He once had cancer, but drank a galss of Sprite, and burped it out.

William Gallas- You will never see him have a bad game, in fact if its at night you won't see him at all.

Azier Del Horno- His tears cure AIDS. Too bad he has never cried

Wayne Bridge- BUMMed will Young

Claude Makelele- He once walked down the road with an erection. There were no survivors

Frank Lampard- In a bid to re-create little red riding hood, he dresses up as a wolf and killed all grandmothers in a twenty mile radius.

Michael Essien- He is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Arjen Robben- He doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Didier Drogba- He is shit

Joke of the Day

Q: What did Santa say to the three prostitutes?

A: ho ho ho!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Dear Santa...From The Neviller

We take a peek at The Neviller's (totally made-up) Christmas wish list. Santa had better deliver, or you know he'll go and tell Sir...

* Malta to have a more prominent role in world affairs. As an honorary Malteser, I would be ambassador to the UN and NATO and BHS.

* Facial hair.

* A tuck box (Narnia or King Kong) so strong that not even greedy guts Wayne can break into it.

* A personalised captain's armband and badge, with gold lettering.

* Sven to pick no dirty scousers (except Wayne) for the World Cup. My dream World Cup team Santa is: Robinson; G Neville (captain), Ferdinand, Brown, Richardson; Beckham, Smith, Scholes (I'll ask him), Chadwick; Rooney, Crouch (he can stand next to me in the team photo). NB. No Phil, ever ever ever.

* A new bedspread (too many sex wees) from the best football club in the whole wide world ever. With matching pillow cases, curtains, lampshade, rug, wallpaper and doilies.

* The Gary Neville Soccer School (Malta) to become the official Manchester United Academy.

* 'For Club and Country: The Hunt for European and World Cup Glory' - the best book ever (except for the bits about Phil). I get it every year from mummy.

* Red face paint to make me look more like Sir.

* Silly Billy Philly to get relegated with Neverton (ha) along with Manchester Sh***y into whatever league comes below the Premiership (is it the SPL?)

* Aftershave like Sir's (I think it's called Teachers).

* My own set of yellow and red cards so I can step in when the referee isn't doing his job properly. They would also be useful at home for mummy.

* More facial hair.

* David's 2006 calendar (March is dreamy).

* A new midfielder for the best club in the whole wide world ever. You can take Darren with you for scrap, Santa.

* Sir's new phone number.

* Bratz Rock Angelz (don't tell anyone).

Bollywood Babe of the Day # 2 - Aishwarya Rai

Even though I've had NO response to the first Bollywood babe we posted (scroll down), here's another one for you ungrateful sods!

Aishwarya Rai: More Photos

Peter Cech - Gay??

Tara Reid = Chav

The Semiotics of Smoking

Monday, December 19, 2005

Google Search Tips

After reading a thread on Digital Point, I realized that a lot of people still don’t know about all the Google Operator commands. This list will help you control your Google search. There are a few more commands out there, but these are the ones I find most useful… feel free to add your own in the comments.

spell: - Does a spell check of any given word
maps: - Is a shortcut to do a google maps search.
phone: - Searches for anything that looks like a phone number.
allinlinks: - Searches only within links, not text or title.
allintext: - searches only within text of pages, but not in the links or page title.

Here's a few more

'First, let go of my thighs'

What the good, the bad and the far from ugly said in 2005 about everything from breeding to balls

Eat, drink ...

It is simply wrong-headed for the government to tell the entire population that it cannot be trusted to drink after 11pm.
Tessa Jowell, Culture Secretary - ignoring police advice on the need to avoid round-the-clock drinking

I don't mind the odd locust - it tastes like a prawn - and the secret of drinking blood is to get it down quickly.
Bruce Parry, former Marine, looking back on living with remote tribes in 2004 for a series of BBC documentaries

I'm moving towards being a vegan. When I crack an egg, I think 'could that have been a baby?'
Actress Heather Mills McCartney

I would rather die than let my kid eat instant soup.
Actress Gwyneth Paltrow

What seems incredibly kitsch and amusing in a photoshoot ends up looking like some German porno star gone mad when you see it on the page.
Nigella Lawson on posing for a photograph with fruit

Doing things sober is no way to get things done. I've tried to explain that to ministers but they just don't get it. Turn up in the morning pissed. You might cope a little better, love.
Louise Casey, Tony Blair's chief adviser on anti-social behaviour, at a local government conference

Toff's corner

God forbid that the wrong drop of blood should get into their Labradors. But their children marry everywhere.
Princess Michael of Kent, allegedly descended from Charlemagne, claiming that the British only take breeding horses and dogs seriously

To be honest, it's just that bit less classy. I've seen a few people here who aren't even wearing ties.
Cleveland Henry, seasoned race-goer, commenting on Ascot's controversial and temporary move to York

Fond of gardening and a bit of rough and tumble.
Will Self, writer, on the British aristocracy

Six hundred and ninety seven years.
Sir Thomas Ingleby's accurate answer to a question on an official form, asking how long the family had lived at the present address

Time travel

Darling, that is a long way in the future. It is too far ahead for me to even think about.
Cherie Blair - asked if she would miss her role as Britain's first lady

I was able to juggle two or three mistresses at a time. But Diana chose men who were horrible to her and would not take any comfort from me.
George Melly, writer and singer looks back on his open marriage

Britain faces a pensions time bomb which for too long has been swept under the carpet.
Michael Howard

Considering that the first moon landing took place more than 30 years ago, I rather thought we might have managed to colonise it by now.
Patrick Moore, astronomer

How can you tell your wife that you are popping out to play a match, and then not come home for five days?
Rafael Benitez, Liverpool's football manager - bewildered by cricket

Way of all flesh

We want you to get up the arse of the White House and stay there.
Sir Christopher Meyer, former ambassador to Washington, recalling advice he received from Jonathan Powell, the Prime Minister's foreign affairs adviser, when he took over the embassy in 1997

The bloke who kicked me in the head was one of the nicest blokes in the company. It was just Marine humour.
Ray Simmons, the Royal Marine knocked unconscious in a naked initiation rite captured on video

He is very depressed about being middle aged. It's a downhill slope to gum disease, wheelchair rides and death.
Sue Townsend on her creation, Adrian Mole, who is now 38

All the illusions of grandeur you have about me are wrong. We're going to sit and talk, but first of all you must disengage your fingers from my thighs.
Leonardo di Caprio to a passionate fan at an airport

I'll stop sleeping with boys.
Michael Jackson, just after his acquittal on charges of child abuse. He was talking about sharing beds platonically

When you have to decide whether to spend money on a vibrator or a pacemaker, life gets very difficult.
Actress Joan Rivers on the problems of middle age

The Achilles heel which has bitten us in the backside all year, has stood out like a sore thumb.
Andy King, manager of Swindon Town

That's OK then

So many here you know are underprivileged anyway. So this is working very well for them.
Barbara Bush, the President's mother, on conditions for people in the Houston Astrodome after Hurricane Katrina

I don't have the time. I keep listening to music, although I do love fashion magazines.
Posh Spice explaining why she has never read a book

Our outfits are not tacky. They're pure class.
Peter Andre commenting on his outfit when he married Jordan. He wore a shimmering waistcoat of Swarovski crystal and ivory white shoes made of stingray skin

Apart from our eight-bedroomed manor house, the Jaguar, the limousine, the gold pistols, the Dada sculpture and the helicopter pad in the garden - no.
Uri Geller, asked if he had any serious worries

Dishing the dirt

I have investigated slaughter houses cleaner than some hospitals.
Professor Hugh Pennington, Britain's leading micro biologist

Not only has he gone behind my back right in front of my face, but he's lying. Craig Bellamy,
Newcastle United striker, on his row with Graeme Souness the club's manager

Clumsy, insensitive, rushed quantity and wasteful.
The urban taskforce, run by the architect Lord Rogers on John Prescott's plans for an urban renaissance

Keep smiling and don't worry about your hair. It will be full of baby sick for months.
Actress Anna Friel offers advice to new mothers

You may be Jewish, but you're just like a concentration camp guard. You are just doing it because you are paid to, aren't you?
London mayor Ken Livingstone to an Evening Standard reporter who asked questions he did not like

I emerge as a complete and utter hypocritical berk.
Piers Morgan, former editor of the Daily Mirror on his diaries published his year

...And finally

Did Christ come down from the cross?
Pope John Paul II (reportedly) when asked whether his long-term illness would make him resign. He died later in the year

At the end of the day, you've got to have the balls to be feminine.
Susannah Constantine giving advice on BBC 1 on what not to wear

Life without sport is like life without underpants.
Billy Bowden, New Zealand cricket umpire

Israel must be wiped off the map.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran

I'm just a south London oik who has risen above his station.
Ken Livingstone - musing

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Liverpool 0 - 1 Sao Paulo

If you hit the bar twice, have a half decent penalty shout turned down, put the ball in the net 3 times, twice legally, and STILL lose one nil, then you know it's just not your night. Despite playing Sao Paulo off the park for most of the game, Liverpool have lost, thanks to the linesman who ruled 3 goals offside and the referee who denied us a penalty. It was just one of those games where despite how good you are, it aint going in, and Liverpool were good! Match Report

Well done to the lads and well done to Rafa, you made us proud.

Pre match minute's silence.

Relive the trauma of half-time at Istanbul...

as the Reds take on Sao Paulo in the Final of the World Club Championship.

A chance to be heroes

The Champions League final was the football story of 2005. In
this extract from his book, A Season on the Brink, Guillem Balague talks to all the key men in the Liverpool dressing room about what happened at half-time, the men who, in 15 minutes, amazingly persuaded a team who had traipsed off the pitch in despair to pull off the most stunning triumph in the European Cup's 50-year history.

Amazing Stat of the Day

Bolton has scored more Premiership goals at Goodison Park than Everton have all season!

The way its going, that stat might still stand at the end of the season!

U2: in a world of their own

Who would have thought it? Twenty-five years on from his first encounter with U2, Paul Morley joins the band on tour in North America to
discover the ways in which they're still rewriting rock's rule book
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