Friday, May 05, 2006
Relive that moment
UPDATE: AS pointed out by YourManInDubai, the files aren't available to download anymore due to a server crash. I'll try and find an alternative - watch this space
- YNWA
- Pre Match
- Post Match
- 6 AM Istanbul Airport
England Supporters: Dutch Branch
A couple of Dutch blokes who want to support England in the World Cup.
But why the Irish hats? HOLLAND FOR ENGLAND
[via]
Sex Talk
Warhol said that everyone can be famous for 15 minutes. Nerve believes anyone can be a sexpert for at least 30 seconds. In this series, we ask a certain segment of the population to school us on various sexual matters.
Advice from a former catholic school girl
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Mourinho: Look at me! Look at me! I'm not happy
Yada yada yada. What an attention seeking twat this fella is. Having just bought their second title in two years and rather than praise the team and the fans, he tries to hog all the attention by first chucking his medals into the crowd (shows lack of respect methinks) and then by moaning about how nobody respects them.
Respect is earnt, ya cunt. Not bought. He's turning into the 'manager version' of David Beckham. Always has to be in the news. Oooh, love me, please love me! Pathetic!
As expected, the medal is on sale here on Ebay.
Only England players have metatarsals?
The curse of the bastarding metatarsal has struck again.
Four years ago it was Beckham at Japorea 02.
At Euro 2004 it was Wayne Rooney.
It looked like this year it would be Michael Owen, only for him to have made a recovery (sort of, anyway).
But no, as if that wasn't enough, Wayne f*cking Rooney, with his team 3-0 down in the last few minutes of the game, goes for an unnecessary challenge and breaks this bastard bone again, possibly taking with him England's hopes for glory.
Why is it only England's top stars that get 'em? Its the weather innit? I aint joking actually, lack of sunshine can result in less vitamin D for your body, which means your bones won't develop as stronger as compared to, lets say, someone from Brazil or Portugal.
Either that, or it is the shoes that they wear these days with less protection to make them really light?
D'you know what. Its probably none of those. Its just that the fat pie-munching blue-nosed bastard's gotten too heavy for his feet.
Four years ago it was Beckham at Japorea 02.
At Euro 2004 it was Wayne Rooney.
It looked like this year it would be Michael Owen, only for him to have made a recovery (sort of, anyway).
But no, as if that wasn't enough, Wayne f*cking Rooney, with his team 3-0 down in the last few minutes of the game, goes for an unnecessary challenge and breaks this bastard bone again, possibly taking with him England's hopes for glory.
Why is it only England's top stars that get 'em? Its the weather innit? I aint joking actually, lack of sunshine can result in less vitamin D for your body, which means your bones won't develop as stronger as compared to, lets say, someone from Brazil or Portugal.
Either that, or it is the shoes that they wear these days with less protection to make them really light?
D'you know what. Its probably none of those. Its just that the fat pie-munching blue-nosed bastard's gotten too heavy for his feet.
Carlsberg Steven Gerrard Advert
Carlsberg Advert: Steven Gerrard
Found these other quality videos on You Tube while looking for the Carlsberg ad. Check em out!
Warnock v Riise: Chewing Gum prank on the bench
Rafa Benitez's views on Cricket (Hilarious)
Riise and his mate in the car with his Champion's League Medal
Phil & Gary Neville - The big girls! (Watch the expression on SAF's face)
Phil & Gary Neville - The big girls! (Slowed down)
The Street with Jim Broadbent
If you're a liverpool fan... actually, f*ck it, if you're a football fan, you'll love this clip
(Unless you're Manure, ofcourse)
(Unless you're Manure, ofcourse)
Breaking News
Osama bids for England job.
Al Jazeera:Friday 28th April
Osama Bin Laden today threw his hat into the ring in a bid to become Englands next manager.
Sources close to the well known Arsenal fan said he was " well up " for the chance to be manager of the England team who are currently placed ninth in the FIFA world rankings.
An aid to Mr Bin Laden said that he watches all the Premiership games on the internet or on Al Jazeeras weekly football round up programme. He also added that Mr Bin Laden speaks very good English and has many contacts in the London area.
Brian Barwick of the english F.A was said to be flying to Afghanistan in the next two days to seek talks with Bin Laden who is probably the only person in the world that the british press could not find.
Barwick has been quoted to have said that given Bin Ladens proven track record in outwitting opponents in all fields up to now he could be the man for the job. "We will be mediating with our friends at Al Jazeera to assist in our bid to secure the services of the next England manager".
The only downside of the appointment if made would be the inability of Bin Laden to travel to the U.K but with modern technology he could be willing to it from the comfort of his cave said to be in the Tora Bora region.
Blog of the Day
Difference between class and scum
From this gem of a blog: Norty Gordy the rude one!
Thanks Prash for sending that in!
From this gem of a blog: Norty Gordy the rude one!
Thanks Prash for sending that in!
Watch Gerrard sink Aston Villa
Gerrards First :: Watch :: Watch :: Watch
Gerrards Second :: Watch :: Watch :: Watch
Download :: 1-0 Morientes :: 2-1 Gerrard :: 3-1 Gerrard
At the end: Rafa, Jamie, kids and, erm, Harry K making David Dickinson look like a ragamuffin
Some more 'World Records'
After them brilliant 50 Weird Guiness World Records, we present some of the sickest world records.
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'C#nt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'C#nt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American who, produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds
Types of 'Sex'
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and You usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and You usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on