Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Babe of the Day - Jessica Alba

Lets all support Benfica tonight...

as they take on Manchester United in Lisbon in one of the biggest games in recent history.

The match may be a Champions League group game but the ramifications may be costly if the club fail to get the result they need to reach the last 16.

The prospect of missing out on the knockout stages and £10-15m is likely to severely dent the finances of a club taken over in a £790m deal in June.

Vodafone also recently ended its lucrative sponsorship deal with United.

The Old Trafford club need a victory to guarantee their progress while a draw would leave them hoping that Villarreal beat Lille.

2006 Players Rich List

1. David Beckham (£75m)
2. Dennis Bergkamp (£37m)
3. Michael Owen (£30m)
4. Robbie Fowler (£28m)
5. Sol Campbell (£26m)
6. Roy Keane (£25m)
7. Alan Shearer (£22)
8. Rio Ferdinand (£20m)
Ryan Giggs (£20m)
Ruud van Nistelrooy (£20m)

England captain David Beckham is the highest earning player in the 2006 rich list of British football with an estimated fortune of £75m.

Arsenal ace Dennis Bergkamp (£37m) is the Premiership's richest star ahead of Newcastle's Michael Owen (£30m).

My Sex Games

Joke of the Day

A guy goes into a bank, walks up to the cashier and says, "Nice tits darling, I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I beg your pardon?" said the curvy cashier.

"Listen you stupid bitch!" screamed the man, "I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I'm sorry sir," said the cashier, "but I can't help you if you are going to talk to me like that!"

The cashier then walked away, went to the bank manager and told him what had happened. They both then returned to the cash desk.

The bank manager says to the man, "What seems to be the problem here then?"

"There's no fucking problem," replied the man, "I just won 10 million pounds on the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking bank account!"

"I see sir," the manager quickly said, "And this cunt's giving you a hard time is she?"

From Badger [NWS]

Beer Troubleshooting!


Don't we lads!?

Chelsea are disgraceful cunts, specially this man

You'll know what I'm on about if you had seen last night's

Essien the cunt's studs raked into Hamann just below the knee as he went over the top for a loose ball, with no intention of getting to it. And Hamann did not hide his disappointment afterwards. "That is the worst tackle I have ever received," he said, "and he has not apologised either."

It happened just in front of the dugouts and the Liverpool bench were on their feet, furious that the referee didn't punish it. And thats when Mourinho, the dickhead then tried to defend Essien's tackle and started making idiotic faces and gestures telling the Liverpool assistant coach to sit down.

Watch Essien the Animal's horror tackle on Didi Hamann

How graceless is this man and his team? At the end of the game, he comes out with an Arsene Wenger style 'I didn't see it' but he did say that despite him not seeing it, he thinks that 'the Liverpool bench were crying all the game'.

Correct me if I'm wrong but has English football ever seen a more whining cunt than Mourinho himself? To this day he cries about Luis Garcia's goal in the Semi last year and believes that Liverpool didn't 'win' that game. What a grade 'a' cunt.

Same old Chelsea, a team gets on top of them and they either fall down injured (Drogba/Cole) or take some horrible cunt out of his cage to try and break someone's leg (Essien/Lampard on Alonso last season).Cock sucking, snake licking bunch of cunts. If they don't win, or heaven forbid, if they lose as they did against Liverpool in the CL semi, they'll never give due credit to their opponents, instead they'll find something to whine about.

A team to be proud of.

The best movie mistakes

Yoda Dog


Monopoly: Desi Edition

Monopoly For Desis (British Asians)

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Lindsay Lohan Boobie Bounce!

The Lindsay Lohan Boobie Bounce (before she got all skinny). [via]

Monday, December 05, 2005

Babe of the Day - Alessandra Ambrosio

I'm feeling a bit generous today so here's FOUR of Alessandra Ambrosio's fantastic photo galleries.

Alessandra Ambrosio Photo Gallery I
Alessandra Ambrosio Photo Gallery II
Alessandra Ambrosio Photo Gallery III
Alessandra Ambrosio Photo Gallery IV

Ad of the Year? Close!

LOL you gotta check this out.

Whats that smell!?

Link of the Day - Ualuealuealeuale

Ualuealuealeuale. Nothing more to be said.

Watch it here

Life in the middle ages

1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and
still smelled pretty good by June.

However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers
to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when
getting married.

2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of
the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons
and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies.
By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

3. Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and
other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became
slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence
the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a
sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds
came into existence.

5. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor."

6. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the
winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep
their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until
when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of
wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

7. In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle
that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.
They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day.

Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in
the pot nine days old."

8. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon."
They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit
around and "chew the fat."

9. Those with money had plates made of pewter.
Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food,
causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes,
so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

10. Bread was divided according to status.
Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and
guests got the top, or "upper crust."

11. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.
The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days.
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for
burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and
the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they
would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

12. England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places
to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
"bone-house" and reuse the grave.

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch
marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.
So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it
through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone
would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift")
to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was
considered a "dead ringer."

FA Cup Draw

The FA Cup 3rd round draw was annouced yesterday, (or was it the day before? I'm losin me head here) and Liverpool are up against the mighty Luton Town FC.

Luton's manager is former Everton striker Mike Newell, a boyhood Liverpudlian who was once on the books as an apprentice at Anfield.

He guided the Hatters to promotion from League One last season and they are currently fifth in the Championship at the time of writing.

The tie evokes memories of the 1986-87 season when Liverpool lost on the then plastic pitch at Kenilworth Road in a second FA Cup 3rd round replay.

The tie will be played over the weekend of January 7/8 2006

Full FA Cup 3rd round draw

In other news, Rafa has
distanced himself from reports linking him to a move to Real Madrid, after the Spanish giants sacked their 5th coach in 3 years.

Wenger looks most likely to be on his way to Madrid, after Real's Vice President Emilio Butragueno mentioned his name as one of the 3 likely candidates, with Mourinho and Rafa Benitez being the other two.

Things guys wish girls knew

1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.

2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.

3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.

4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.

5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.

6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.

7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.

8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.

9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.

10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.

11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.

12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.

`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.

14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.

15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.

16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.

17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.

18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.

19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.

20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.

21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.

22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.

23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).

24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.

25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.

26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.

27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.

28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.

29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.

30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.

31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.

32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.

33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.

34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.

35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.

36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.

37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.

38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.

39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.

40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.

41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.

42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.

43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.

44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm

45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.

46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.

47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.

48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!

49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.

50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.

The Official Drugs Dictionary

We all know what charlie or A-bomb is, but do you know whats a Bazooka, or Buddha? In drug terms that is. Find out hundreds of street names for common drugs

Hide them hotties!

You've got a slick crib, and it's filled with ladies who all want an up close and personal tour. Hide them in your pad before their fathers arrive demanding their safe return. If you forget where you hid the hottie, or worse, return the wrong daughter, you get your butt kicked by daddy!


Sunday, December 04, 2005

Vote Crouch for Sports Personality of the Year!!!

Bloggers, lets do this!

From the Sunday Times, UK:

Liverpool supporters are either loyal or do a good line in irony. The BBC has been bombarded with votes for Peter Crouch, the striker, to win the Sports Personality of the Year award next week. The forward has been mocked this season, having failed to score in 18 games for Liverpool and three for England, but a campaign to rig the BBC’s annual poll is apparently bearing fruit. Crouch is rumoured to have overtaken Steven Gerrard to lie second in the poll behind Andrew Flintoff, the England cricketer. The BBC said that any duplicate votes would be discounted.

Apparently the evertonions are voting like mad for Peter Crouch,
cast your vote too would be fucking hilarious

Babe of the Day - Yes, its Britney

Yes I understand that sudden urge to pick up a baseball bat and rearrange her face but there are times, and admit it, there have been times when you've wanted to rattle that. Everyone has. Here's some more quality photos.

Pubes....flammable buggers

another link for ya

check out his
girly screams (NWS)

Celebrating Stupidity

The Stella Awards are named after 81-year old
Stella Liebeck... who spilled coffee on herself
and successfully sued McDonald's for millions.

This years runners up are:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas. Won
$14,500 after being bitten on the arse by his
neighbour's beagle. Mr Williams was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun at the time.

Amber Carson was paid $113,500 by a Philadelphia
restaurant after she broke her back from slipping
on a soft drink... which she had just thrown at
her boyfriend.

Kara Walton of Delaware sued a nightclub and
won $12,000 after falling from a bathroom window
and knocking out her two front teeth. This
occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak
through the window in the ladies room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge.

But the winner is:
Mrs Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma who purchased a
brand new 32-foot Winnebago. On her first trip,
she drove on the freeway, set the cruise control
at 70 mph and went out back to make a sandwich.
She crashed. Then sued for the manual not
advising her not to do this.

The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor
home. The company then changed their manuals
on the basis of this suit.

From Popbitch

Crouch loses his cherry

Crouch has finally opened his account, scoring the the first (and probably second) of hopefully many for Liverpool this season. He should probably get pissed drunk tonight, the lad deserves to celebrate after having to wait 24 hours and 9 minutes for this!


Peter Crouch 1st :: Peter Crouch 2nd :: Luis Garcia

Quality performance from the red men, now taking them to 8 cleansheets and 6 consective premiership wins. Liverpool are now 3rd on the table (2nd for a while, before that), the highest they've been in the recent past and are really looking good. Just how good is Xabi Alonso??! Once again he was immense in last night's game.

There seems to be some
issues with Crouch's first goal. Its been officialy declared as an own goal which is a bit daft really, as it was a goal bound shot which took the deflection and went in after the goalkeeper messed up what should've been a routine save. However, Liverpool FC have confirmed that the goal will be credited to Crouch. I've got a feeling it will probably be reviewed by the committe for dodgy goals.

In other news, The
BBC's Sport Personality of the Year award is being hijacked by Liverpool fans voting for Peter Crouch, despite his non existant goals record (before last night).

You too, can
vote here

The Reason Michael Owen Didn't Sign for Liverpool

August 2005 - Anfield RAFA's Office -
Michael Owen and Rafa in deep conversation discussing terms.

RAFA 'So Michael, such a shame you did not get one of these'

(holds up a CL Medal)

MO 'Yeah well, maybe i can win one for us this year'

RAFA 'Maybe, so how would you like a premiership medal Michael'

MO 'That would be fantastic'

RAFA 'For you?'

MO 'Well yeah, and for the club too of course'

RAFA 'Mmmm, you are a team player aren't you Michael?'

MO 'Of course, anything for the team'

RAFA 'OK, because I have a plan which will win us the title, and it is completely reliant on you to work.'

MO 'what, you bring me back, all is forgiven and I play every game and score 50 goals becoming the top scorer in one season ever in the history of the club?'

RAFA 'Almost'

MO 'Almost? I really am sorry about walking out on you, I do the love it here and will do anything you ask, if you bring me back.'

RAFA 'Anything? OK here are my terms. I want you to miss every chance all season, even penalties. I want you to end the season on 0 goals.'

(MO goes white and gulps)

MO 'no no no no no, I am a goalscorer and it is world cup year'


MO 'I get it, its a joke, hahahaha'

RAFA 'No Michael, I am deadly serious, you score and I drop you.'

MO 'I don't understand'

RAFA 'You said you are a team player yes?'

MO (hesitantly) 'yes...'

RAFA "Imagine it, Michael Owen returns to Liverpool, the biggest signing of the summer, the golden boy of english football, the media darling, englands star striker.'

MO 'I'm with you so far, I just don't get why I can't score any goals.'

RAFA 'You become the story, you take the pressure for the team. You are so high profile that you not scoring will be a far bigger story than our form. We will go on a record winning spree, game after game setting an all time clean sheets record, pipping chelsea to the title, all the time the press ignore the team because you, Michael Owen have not scored a goal all season. The press in this country are that stupid, which will allow your team mates to play without any media spotlight, and bring the trophies home. Do you understand now?'

MO 'I think so - I dont score - we win games - press ignore our amazing run where we win every game and set a record for clean sheets - because they are so focused on me not scoring - therefore allowing our run to continue because noone is feeling the pressure as I am taking it all.'
RAFA 'Exactly Michael, I knew you would understand, think of it this way, this season you well get no goals, but you will get medals, think of this season as demonstrating your loyalty to the club after you abondoned us.'

MO 'But Gaffa, what if I get a penalty???'

RAFA "yes especially penalties, blast them over the bar, the press will have a field day interpreting it as an act of frustration.'

(MO looks sheepish)

MO 'I'm sorry, if it wasn't world cup year coming up, I might consider it...'

RAFA 'In which case I bid you good day, I hope you score lots of goals and win lots of medals at newcastle.'

(Michael Owen walks out Rafa walks him to the door. He then has a thought and turns to his secretary.)

RAFA 'Can you ask Peter Crouch to come to my office straight away please'

RAFA walks back into his office with a sly smile.

History's Youngest Mother

Dr. Gérado Lozada was told by Lina's father that she had been having regular periods since age three, but they had stopped about 7 1/2 months prior to the visit. He listened to the young girl's abdomen with a stethoscope, and heart a tiny second heartbeat. An X-Ray was also performed, after which there could be no doubt… to the doctors' astonishment, five-year-old Lina Medina was about seven months pregnant. More
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