Saturday, June 25, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together

Marky Mark - our new Far East Correspondent who will be reporting from reds-mad Singapore with just over 3 weeks left before our season kicks off. Marky Mark is an Englishman with a Scouse dad and himself grew up as an expat in Singapore. Here's his (highly entertaining) interview:

Which (current) Liverpool player are you most like and why?
Igor Biscan (if you still count him as a liverpool player). Am usually shite, but every now and then i pull a rabbit out of the hat and run pass 5 people and score (exaggeration). It is a similar story in real life. I take the back seat until someone forces me to get off my arse and do something.

It is said a person is judged by the company they keep. Tell us a bit about the people you associate with most.
David- Alcoholic french guy that ive known for 2 years now. He was the first person to get me completely smashed. Smokes like a biatch and has pretty much done every kind of drug out there......when he was 16. Also earlier this year he went on the 14 day straight drinking session. He got pissed every night, either with his girlfriend or with one of us then came to school in the morning and slept. Lots of fun to be around with.Minhaz, Mihir, Ronil- Its the four of us with david that are drinking buddies. Go out every week and meet up with other people and get pissed.

We always end up finding something stupid to do, even in singapore. (we got caught once for throwing a trash can into the Singapore River and kicked out of a bar for downing peanuts,- it was a competition; minhaz won.)Kapil and Shanker- Smoking buddies; live around me. We usually meet up 3-4 times a week and go for a smoke late at night (usually turns into 5-6 smokes). Its nice and chilled at that time, and usually a nice way to waste your night away talking, instead of sitting at home.

What are your secret guilty pleasures (the sort of thing you would rather other people didn't know about but you really like doing...)
Hmmm, guilty pleasure.... Probably have to be chocolate. I love it and eat a lot of it.

Where did you watch The Champions League Final 2005?
The 25th of May was also my graduation night of high school. So everyone went out to the club after the ceremony and got pissed. But not me. I tried to remain resonable sober the whole time because of the final. So at 3 am me and a few more mates left to try to find a place to watch it. All the big places were already closed so eventually we found a little hawker that had a pretty big tv.

It was already one nil when we got there and i was there with two ac milan supporters, so you can imagine the shit i had to put up with when it got to 2-nil and 3-nil. It started raining like a bitch in extra time but because the covered area was too far away from the tv, me and a couple other guys sat in the rained, with out suits on, at 5 o clock in the morning. After the penalty shootout we were jumping in the rain before having are winning pint.

What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
If i could pick out a certain incident in recent memory, it would probably be hoping over a fence to pick up a football during a game at lunch on the astro pitch in school. You see, the fukn astro pitch has a waist level fence all around it, for what i dont know, but it does have a fence for some reason. And because this game was played at lunchtime, every one was watching, a few teachers, the guys, and most importantly, the girls.

So i jumped over this little fence to ge the football but my trailing leg gets stuck when im on the way down on the other side, and as a result i do a half rotation before falling into the drain (oh wait thats what the fence is for). And remember this is infront of EVERYONE. (Thank You Sasha for atleast moving towards me to help me up) Oh the embarrassment though....It was so embarrasing that even my mates didnt diss me about it. Luckily it nots the kind of thing that stays with you long term.

Continue reading...

Babe of the Day - Heather Graham

Benny C's first BOTD:
Heather Graham

Anecdotes of Stupidity

Overheard this on a London bus:

First Woman: "I don't know what to get Fred for his birthday."
Second Woman: "Why don't you get him a book?"
First Woman: (after a moment's thought) "Nah, he's already got a book."

The following call came in at 7:30 this morning:

Me: "Hello?"
Some Woman: "Mannie?"
Me: "Ma'am, what number are you trying to reach?"
Some Woman: "Mannie, y'all get up now, cause y'all are goin' to Sunday School, okay, sweetie?"
Me: "Ma'am, I am not your sweetie. You have a wrong number!"
Some Woman: "Okay, sweetie, see you soon!" (click)

My doctor's office gives each patient a card with the date of the next appointment. One lady came in with her card on August 23rd, and here's what happened:

Lady: "My card says to be here on the 28th at 10am, and I'm here!"
Receptionist: "But, ma'am, today is the 23rd."
Lady: "No it isn't, my card says the 28th!"
Receptionist: "I know your card says the 28th, but that's next Monday."
Lady: "No, my card says to be here on the 28th, and I'm here!"

I was working in a photo store, which specializes in restoring old photographs, when a lady brought in a old picture of a man sitting behind a cow, milking it.

Her: "Can you fix this picture for me?"
Me: "Sure. What would you like us to do?"
Her: "Can you move the cow?"
Me: "Move the cow?"
Her: "I want to know what my great-grandfather looked like. That's him."
She pointed to the feet sticking out under the cow.

Me: "I don't think we can do that."
Her: "Just move the cow over, and we'll be able to see his face."
Me: "I'm sorry. We don't have the technology to do that."
Her: (getting huffy) "Well, I guess I'll just take this somewhere else."

In my high school civics class the air conditioner didn't have the vents to direct which way the air would blow for most of the first semester, so everyone who sat in the back of the class would freeze, while the people sitting in the front were always hot. One day, somebody in the back decided to take a stand against the teacher and declare the class to be cold. He stood up and said, "Mrs. Barnes, it's cold in here. We need to turn the air off."

Since this was a class that always had to argue, someone else said "Turn it off?"

The first person, being the exceptionally bright student that he is, retorted, "Yeah, off. O - F."

Then one of our other geniuses decided to pipe up and said, "I would have laughed so hard if you had spelled that wrong."

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"

At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

A friend of mine was showing me a little fold-away phone number list that he kept in his wallet. The way it worked was that the piece of paper with the telephone list is glued to two magnets the size and shape of a credit card. The paper folded up accordion-style and was secured by the two magnets sticking together.

Me: "Wow! This magnetic telephone list is cool!"
Friend: "What? That's not magnetic."
Me: "Umm...yeah, it is. See, these two things on the end are magnets, and they stick together."
Friend: "Oh, so that's why my credit cards won't work anymore!"
Me: "So, how did you think it stuck together if you didn't think they were magnets?"
Friend: "I thought it was just paper suction."

The mother of a friend went to New York City for the first time and was approached by a homeless man soliciting the sale of a bottle of exclusive moisturizer, normally retailed at $80, for only $5. She reached for her purse enthusiastically and said, "Sir, will there be tax on that?" When the man recovered from laughing, he made the sale -- tax free.

It's amazing how stupid people can be on the telephone. I used to work for a major northwestern bank in the collections department, and we would frequently get calls like this:

Caller: "Could I speak to [somebody's name]?"
Me: "I'm sorry, but that person is [on vacation, out of the office, otherwise unavailable]. Would you like to leave a message?"
Caller: (annoyed) "I'm calling long distance!"

As if calling long distance will magically make the individual magically appear in the office!

Caller: "Can I speak to Mr. [name], please?"
Me: "I'm sorry, Mr. [name] is on vacation."
Caller: "I'll hold."

Phone Sales Representative: "Ok, now I need the billing address of the card."
Customer: "But I want it shipped to my daughter at school."
Phone Sales Representative: "That's not a problem; I can ship anywhere you like, but I do need the correct billing address."
Customer: "Ok."

I pause, expecting him to supply me with the address.

Phone Sales Representative: "Sir, the billing address please?"
Customer: "Oh, were you waiting for me? I'm sorry. I send the payments to a PO Box in Maryland, I think. Do you really need that address?"
Phone Sales Representative: "No, sir, not where you send the payments, but where you receive the statements."
Customer: "A statement?" (rustle, rustle) "Yeah, here's one. It's PO Box 2386, Towson, MD."
Phone Sales Representative: "Sir, is that Towson address you just gave me where you send your payments or where you receive your statements?"
Customer: "Oh, the statements come here."
Phone Sales Representative: "And what is that address?"
Customer: "But I want it shipped to--"
Phone Sales Representative: "--your daughter at school. Right. But I still need a valid billing address."
Customer: "Young lady, if you would just tell me what you need from me, I would be happy to supply it."
Phone Sales Representative: "Where do your credit card statements come?"
Customer: "I told you. They come from Towson, MD."
Phone Sales Representative: "Not where they come from, where you receive them."
Customer: "In the mail, of course! You're not very smart, are you?"
Phone Sales Representative: "Sir, when you receive your statement from the credit card company and open it up to look at it, where are you standing?"
Customer: "In my kitchen."
Phone Sales Representative: "Your kitchen at home?"
Customer: "Of course!"
Phone Sales Representative: "Great! And what is your home address then?"
Customer: (finally supplies the address) "If you just wanted my home address, why on earth didn't you just ask for it?"

Friday, June 24, 2005

Champions League Draws and Premiership Fixtures announced!

Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez can afford a smile after his Champions League winning side, not the same one that will compete in next season's competition(!), were drawn against Welsh side Total Network Solutions in their first qualifying round.
More from .tv

Dirty Dan's Comments
We wanted them and they wanted us. Even though there was a 1 in 12 chance of it happening, we'll now be travelling to Wales instead of some Eastern European country. We will have either HB Torshavn or FBK Kaunas (anyone knows where the fuck they are??) for the second qualifying round.

Saw the premiership fixtures yesterday, and i've gotta say our hopes of challenging for the title have been given a huge boost. Our traditional bad spell (nov-dec) only has Everton from among last season's top 6. And with (no disrespect) easier fixtures towards the end, we might even be able to rest a few key players for the CL semis and Final, if we go that far (which i do believe we will).

There hasn't been any serious transfer activity at Anfield, no new players have come in yet and I've gotta admit I'm getting a bit worried. I do trust Rafa will have something up his sleave and we still have a few weeks, he still has the cash and Anfield is still a very exciting prospect for even the best players in the world.


Mark's comments (Don't know Marky Mark yet? He'll be our Chief Far-East Correspondent soon)
Liverpool go into the forthcoming season probably looking the strongest (once we get a couple new players) that they have in a long time. TNS are not going to lie down because the European champions don't exactly come visiting every day. Hopefully Rafa put outs an experience squad there and doesnt take a gamble. We all don't want a repeat of the FA cup with Milwall last year. As for the Premiership, i have heard from Dan that the fixture list is quite freindly, which should help things. Rafa has shown he is a quick learner with Valencia, so i expect him to be a lot more aware of the premier league this year and hopefully put us back where we belong in English Football, at the top.

Benny C's comments
I think it's still a bit early to speak about our chances for the Premiership at this moment in time. There is still a lot of speculation about which players will be wearing a Liver bird next season. The squad we had, amazingly came in 37 points off the pace, despite playing well for much of the season. Saying that though, the consistency will come. Rafa has proven that he knows what is happening and will look to strengthen what, on paper, should be an extremely strong side indeed. Barring injuries and incidents though, we have as much chance as the next team (And probably more than United.)

As for the draw, we have learned hard lessons from fielding weakened sides in competition, and even though I feel a few of the lads will get a run out (Their performance in the league cup was phenomenal) I don't think Rafa will risk the embarrassment of going out first round. I apologise to TNS, I know very little about them, but I also feel the revenue generated will be good for them (they wanted it....) We should get through. After that either Lithuanian champions FBK Kaunas or the Faroe Islands very own HB Torshaven......Nope, I have no idea either.

The way things are going, can't you just feel Everton over the horizon? It's almost destiny....

In Rafa we trust

Leave your own comments by clicking the comments link below - you don't need to register for that.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Drumroll please for da new gangsta who's joinin us, BENNY C

Ben Coleman, Westcliff on Sea, UK, 29

Benny C is our brand-spanking-new blogger for and will be reporting live and direct from da UK. He'll be blogging about random stuff, anything from breaking willies to getting shagged by the entire liverpool squad (Neil Mellor included) and commenting on Rafa's latest signings. And I hope after reading this questionnaire (which was part of the recruitment interview) you will not take the piss and infact make him feel great to be a part of 'da blogsphere' as you have done with moi.

So Benny, which (current) Liverpool player are you most like and why?
Jamie Carragher – I am reliable and loyal, not too bothered about being in the spotlight (my time will come) and fucking good at what I do.

It is said a person is judged by the company they keep. Tell us a bit about the people you associate with most.
My boss Sarah - has a bit of a princess complex, and likes 80’s music a bit too much but is a top laugh and can keep up with the drinking. (Is also the cause of many, many lost nights and hangovers!). Dan – current housemate, funny, funny guy. Has ability for magic (it’s up his sleeve!) and smoking way too much….barbeques we have had are the stuff of legend. Katie Lou – My hip sister, she know where it’s at (her husband is alright too.). Danny – guitar legend and part time drinker (another source of hangovers), supports West Ham but we don’t hold that against him. Special shout to Andy (longest serving friend) and Nick, don’t see them as much as I should but they know the score.

Where did you watch The Champions League Final?
Watched the final at home with Danny. At half time I was rocking back and forth saying “if we get a quick goal we are in with a shout” over and over….never expected the final result and it spawned a 24 hour session that started with champagne from Liverpool mugs and me spending way too much time on the phone to Liverpool (my cousin – not the team)

What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you?
I guess the most embarrassing thing (there are many) was probably being dumped at a
party in front of everyone. (Cheers Vicky, 10 years later – I still carry the scars)

If you could do anything you wanted, what would you do for the greater 'good' of Mancunians.?
I want to make this clear, the majority of Mancunians are cool, city loving rascals (sure, they would stab you for a tenner, but they are funny with it) saying that though, I do sometimes have fantasies about Old Trafford exploding during a Man U/Arsenal match. I guess I would let Malcolm Glazer take over the club and transform it into the “Salford Quays Red Sox” or something. (Erm, wait a minute…..)

If you were a girl, which liverpool player would you most want to sleep with?
A few years ago I would have said Jamie Redknapp (good looking boy – wife’s not too shabby either) but now I guess it would have to be John Arne Riise (got a weakness for redheads….) no wait, Luis Garcia, no Sami Hyypia (he’s like a god), or Alonso, maybe Morientes, not forgetting Carragher, or Gerrard, or even The Lord of Frodsham, erm, all of them? (Thank Christ Stephen Wright has left!!!) I may not be that fussy, even Kewell is quite attractive (shame he can’t play for anyone but Leeds)…..I think I have issues (or we have a really good looking squad?)

Have you ever experienced any injury(ies) during a sexual encounter?
Ah the stories I could tell…..the answer to this is a most resounding yes, and it could be a warning to all of you out there. A few years back I was pounced on by my girlfriend at the time. She wanted it, she wanted it now, we were off…there was a snapping sound (yes it was audible) and a sharp sensation I had not experienced before……then came the blood (you would be surprised how much blood there is…I don’t like to talk about it), needless to say the banjo string, or mandolin string (which ever you prefer) had snapped. Several weeks later I discovered, with great alarm I may add, that it had not snapped completely. Yes it happened again….so imagine the worst possible place you can get injured, imagine the pain (you there yet?) now imagine it happening TWICE!

Only me then. Pray it does not happen to you.

This is why fellas, even if for no other reason, you should perform cunnilingus, for at least an hour…..

If you think this is weird, wait until you read the rest of it. Click here to continue reading Benny C's interview!

New York Times: Editorial

Published: June 22, 2005 - New York Times

It is nice that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and his team feel as if they have achieved closure on their prisoner abuse issues and are ready to move on. The problem is, they are still in deep denial. The Bush administration has not only refused to face the problem squarely, but it is also enabling a pervasive lack of accountability.

The most recent evidence of this sad state of affairs came this week in
an article in The Times by Eric Schmitt and Thom Shanker, who reported that the Pentagon believes the Abu Ghraib scandal has receded enough in the public's mind that Mr. Rumsfeld is considering a promotion for Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, who was commander of American forces in Iraq at the time of the disaster.

We can see why General Sanchez would expect a promotion; Mr. Bush has rewarded the people who drafted the policies that led to the illegal detention, abuse, humiliation and, ultimately, torture and even killing of prisoners at the hands of American military forces. A couple were nominated to the federal appeals court. One became attorney general. Mr. Rumsfeld still has his job.

And we feel General Sanchez's pain. As the Army's own investigation showed, he lacked the experience to command the forces in Iraq. Once given that job, he labored under Mr. Rumsfeld's obsession for waging war with too few troops inadequately equipped. For months, Mr. Bush and Mr. Rumsfeld were pretending the war was over, while General Sanchez faced a mushrooming insurgency. He ordered his soldiers to start getting tough with prisoners to get intelligence.

General Sanchez relied on established practice in Mr. Bush's military. He set aside American notions of decency and the Geneva Conventions, authorizing harsh interrogations - including forcing prisoners into painful positions for long periods, isolating them, depriving them of sleep and using guard dogs to, as he put it, "exploit Arab fears." These practices would have been controversial for captives with information that would save Americans' lives. But the vast majority of Abu Ghraib inmates knew nothing.

General Sanchez was exonerated by the last in a series of investigations meant to keep the heat off top generals and civilian policy makers. But his own words at the Texas A&M University commencement were damning. When conditions are at their worst, General Sanchez said, "That is when a leader must step forward and lead - our ethics mandate it and our subordinates expect it."

General Sanchez failed to do that. He should not be the only senior person to pay the price for failure, but neither should he be the latest to be rewarded for it.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Babe of the Day- Leah Remini

The Hot Mama from the King of Queens. More photos of this dirty li'l minx.

'A Gulag Of Our Times'

TIME has obtained a secret interrogation log from Guantanamo that includes the complete minute-by-minute account of the interrogation of the alleged '20th Hijacker', the one who 'never made it' onto the plane.

It has a detailed account of the techniques and method used for the interrogation of Mohammed Al Qahtani, a Saudi.

The log records every time Al Qahtani eats, sleeps, goes to the loo, every time he complies with the interrogators, every time he doesn't.

When Dick 'The Dick' Cheney said last week that detainees at the American prison camp in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, were treated better than they would be "by virtually any other government on the face of the earth," he was carrying on what has become a campaign to whitewash the record of abuses at Guantánamo.

Right-wing commentators have been sounding the theme. Columnist Charles Krauthammer said the treatment of the Guantánamo prisoners had been "remarkably humane and tolerant."

Yes, and there is no elephant in the room.

Agents of the Federal Bureau of Investigation observed what went on in Guantánamo. One reported on July 29, 2004: "On a couple of occasions, I entered interview rooms to find a detainee chained hand and foot in a fetal position to the floor, with no chair, food or water. Most times they had urinated or defecated on themselves and had been left there for 18, 24 hours or more."

Although President Bush decided to deny detainees at Guantánamo the protection of the Geneva Conventions, he did order that they must be treated "humanely." The Pentagon, responding to the Time magazine article on the treatment of Mr. Kahtani, said, "The Department of Defense remains committed to the unequivocal standard of humane treatment for all detainees, and Kahtani's interrogation plan was guided by that strict standard."

In the view of the administration, then, it is "humane" to give a detainee 3½ bags of I.V. fluid and then make him urinate on himself, force him to bark like a dog, or chain him to the floor for 18 hours.

TIME: TIME EXCLUSIVE:: Inside The Wire At Guantanamo

Since the widespread outrage over the photographs from Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, Americans have seemingly ceased to care. It was reported yesterday that Lt. Gen. Ricardo S. Sanchez, the former American commander in Iraq during the Abu Ghraib scandal, is being considered for promotion. Many people would say the mistreatment of Mohamed al-Kahtani, or of suspects who might well be innocent, is justified in a war with terrorists. Morality is outweighed by necessity.

The moral cost is not so easily put aside. We Americans have a sense of ourselves as a moral people. We have led the way in the fight for human rights in the world. Mistreating prisoners makes the world see our moral claims as hypocrisy.

Beyond morality, there is the essential role of law in a democracy, especially in American democracy. This country has no ancient mythology to hold it together, no kings or queens. We have had the law to revere. No government, we tell ourselves, is above the law.

Over many years the United States has worked to persuade and compel governments around the world to abide by the rules. By spurning our own rules, we put that effort at risk. What Justice Louis Brandeis said about law at home applies internationally as well: "If the government becomes a law-breaker, it breeds contempt for law."

Joke of the Day

So this fat Chav scum is sittin on the settee, watchin the telly. His wife, a chavette, is standing in front of the mirror, looking depressed.

She then says to her husband, 'Honey, I'm puttin on weight and I've got dark circles around my eyes, I look so ugly! Pay me a compliment to make me feel happy?'

Chav scum - 'Well you're eyesight's fuckin spot on innit!!'


What is a chav?

The 11-Year-Old Wife

By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF, Published: June 21, 2005, The New York Times

When Pakistan's prime minister visits next month, President Bush will presumably use the occasion to repeat his praise for President Pervez Musharraf as a bold leader "dedicated in the protection of his own people." Then they will sit down and discuss Mr. Bush's plan to sell Pakistan F-16 fighter jets capable of carrying nuclear weapons.

But here's a suggestion: How about the White House dropping word that before the prime minister arrives, he first return the passport of Mukhtaran Bibi, the rape victim turned human-rights campaigner, so that she can visit the United States?

I've heard from Pakistanis who, while horrified by honor killings and rapes, are embarrassed that it is the barbarism in Pakistan that gets headlines abroad. A word to those people: I understand your defensiveness, for we Americans feel the same about Guantánamo Bay and Abu Ghraib. But rooting out brutality is a better strategy than covering it up, and any nation should be proud to produce someone like Ms. Mukhtaran.

Mission Him-sploshible

Take that ... Sun man Jerome takes retribution on Tom's behalf

TOM Cruise's alleged squirter gets a soaking himself last night, courtesy of The Sun.

Three reporters dressed just like Tom in Mission Impossible to seek revenge on his behalf.

Jerome Starkey, Grant Rollings and Claire Anderson laid in wait outside West End Central nick in London.

Our picture at the top of the page shows Jerome getting even with the 28-year-old joker who laughed off our stunt.

Related Stories:
Cruise told to lighten up [The Sun]
Well Done Channel 4 []

Sadd The Sexist

Defence Editor

SADDAM Hussein is a sexist pig who believes wives should cook, clean and be kept in check by their husbands, his guards have revealed.

The captured tyrant is also fanatical about cleanliness, loves crisps and Raisin Bran Crunch cereal, and is a fan of late US president Ronald Reagan.

The fresh insight into the Butcher of Baghdad's life as a prisoner was given by five US soldiers who have been his personal jailers at a secret military compound for nine months.

They revealed that despite facing the gallows, 68-year-old Saddam is STILL convinced he is president of Iraq and will one day be restored to power.

The despot made a point of learning their names, took an interest in their lives and chatted to them in broken English.

Monsters munch ... Cheetos and Raisin Brwon
Monster's munch ... Cheetos and Raisin Brwon

He often offered fatherly advice to the soldiers, aged between 19 and 25. But he revealed his sexist side when GI Sean O'Shea told him he was not married.

O'Shea, 19, said Saddam “started telling me what to do”.

The soldier added: 'He was like, You gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. One that can cook and clean'.

The mass killer then grinned, made a 'spanking' gesture, laughed and went back to washing his clothes in a sink.

Tyrant in the home ... Saddam, wife Sajiba (sitting) and family

Tyrant in the home ... Saddam, wife Sajiba (sitting) and family

The guards speaking with the Pentagon's permission told the American version of GQ magazine that the monster has turned into a clean freak. He keeps everything around him spotless. He washes his hands after every handshake. And he even uses baby wipes to clean his meal trays, utensils and tables before eating.

Guard Jesse Dawson, 25, said: 'He has germophobia, or whatever you call it.'

The tyrant has developed several other strange obsessions.

He insists on munching cheese-flavoured American crisps named Cheetos and the more familiar Doritos.

And one of his greatest concerns is whether he will get his favourite Raisin Bran Crunch, a Kellogg's cereal sold in Britain as All-Bran Sultana Bran for breakfast.

saddam hussein

Tamed tyrant ... Saddam in his pants

He told soldier O'Shea he would NOT eat Froot Loops, another US brand similar to our Honey Loops but flavoured with fruit. Saddam happily chews fish and chicken for dinner but refuses beef.

He was given a treadmill so he could keep fit in his cell but does not use it. Instead, he asked for a table-tennis table but his plea was refused.

After years of slaughtering hundreds of thousands of his own people, Saddam now writes poetry and cares for birds in the prison yard.

He also plays at being a good Muslim by praying five times a day. He keeps a copy of the Koran that he claims he found in rubble near the underground hideout from which he was pulled 18 months ago.

The magazine says: 'He proudly showed it to the boys as it was burned around the edges and had a bullet hole.'

The soldiers said Saddam's favourite topic of conversation is politics, particularly US leaders.

He rated the two George Bushes senior and junior 'no good'. Bill Clinton was 'OK.' But he was full of praise for Ronald Reagan.

On the Bushes

On the Bushes ... 'The Bush father and son no good. Reagan, good'
Picture: REUTERS

GI Dawson said: 'He'd always be like, Bush is no good. And then hed be like, 'Reagan? Reagan and me, good.' He talked about how Reagan sold him planes and helicopters and stuff, and basically funded his war against Iran.

He said, 'I wish things were still like when Ronald Reagan was president.' And I said, 'Yeah, I wish they were, too, because then I wouldn't be here'.

When told Reagan had died of Alzheimer's, a sombre Saddam fell silent for a moment then said: 'Yes, this happens'

Soldier O'Shea said: 'He'd always say, 'The Cleeenton, he's OK. The Bush father, son, no good.' But he wanted to be friends with them. Towards the end, he was saying that he doesn't hold any hard feelings and he just wanted to talk to Bush, to make peace with him.

'He thought Bush could forgive and forget about what has happened. He said, 'He knows I have nothing, no mass weapons. He knows he'll never find them'.

Saddam, who denied any links with Osama Bin Laden, also told his guards that when Allied forces invaded Iraq in March 2003, he tried to flee in a TAXI cab.

He revealed US jets attacked the palace to which he intended to travel rather than the one he was in. Corporal Jonathan Reese, 22, said: 'He started laughing. He goes, 'America, they dumb. They bomb wrong palace'.

The fallen dictator also told angrily how he was captured after he was betrayed by the only man who knew where he was a confidant paid a fortune to stay silent.

Soldier Dawson said: 'He was really mad about that.'

He compared himself to Jesus, how Judas told on Jesus. He was like, 'That's how it was for me'.

Saddam claimed he did not always conceal himself in his hidey-hole. He said he also used a nearby house but scurried back underground whenever Allied troops approached.

He insisted all his actions, including the 1990 invasion of Kuwait, which sparked the first Gulf War, were for the good of ordinary Iraqis.

And he said he was PROUD sons Uday and Qusay 'died for their country' in the second conflict.

Saddam believed '100 per cent' he was still the liberated nation's 'president' and even invited the guards to stay with him once he was restored to power.

He said: 'I'll show you around my country. You are like sons to me. It's not beautiful now but will be when I'm back in charge.'

The soldiers reservists from the 103rd Armor Regiment were chosen to serve at the compound where Saddam was a detainee. The assignment was so secret they could not tell their own families.

The GIs told of orders that Saddam must not be harmed while in US custody. And panic erupted when the brute fell over during one of his twice-weekly showers.

One soldier had to help him back to his cell, while another carried his underwear.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Joke of the Day

Two pubes sittin on a toilet seat.

One got pissed off.

Banner Exchange

For everyone who's linking my blog, could you please add one of the following banners (whichever size suits you) onto your blog? We in turn will do the same. A big massive banner in your face will get you more traffic than a tiny text link among hundreds of others. So if you want us to post a banner for your site or blog, do an exchange.

Small Size 120 x 60

Standard Size, 468 x 60 (Click to Enlarge)

Fuckin Massive Ones - Tower (160 x 600) - CLICK TO ENLARGE

Steven Gerrard

Eva Mendes, Babe of the Day?

Carmen Electra, Babe of the Day?

Adriana Lima, Babe of the Day?

Jennifer Ellison, Babe of the Day?

Angelina Jolie, Babe of the Day?

Any problems, email me on / Let me know if you need a size different from the ones above ;)

Well Done Channel 4

Tom Cruise, the annoying little midget was sprayed in the face by Channel 4's crew at the premiere of War of the Worlds.
This surely aint the first couple in the world to fall in love so can they just fuck off our screens and do their kissy wissying off screen? They think we'll find it sweet? Well, I've got news for you, you muppet. It make us wanna puke. So fook right off.

I'm sick of celebs who think that they're personal lifestyles are something we're really really interested in, hence you never saw anything on my blog when they started dating, when he was acting like a retard on Oprah, or when he proposed to her in France. The reason you're seeing it today is well... cuz he's just got what he deserved.

According to BBC, the 42-year-old prick's face and jacket were drenched with water squirted from what appeared to be a microphone.

The crew was working for Channel 4, which said it hoped Cruise would see the funny side of the stunt which was for a new comedy show. What they didn't realise was, that he's a cunt.

Watch the video of the Incident
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