Saturday, August 06, 2005

Babe of the Day - Josie Maran

Best. Game. Ever.

Guess the Bra Size (post your score in comments)

Im off to have a wank

According to the BBC, Men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation, researchers suggest.

Excellent News for our friend badger

Meanwhile, here are some predominently British terms and phrases for bashing the bishop.

.choke the chicken
.yank the plank
.clean the pipes
.grapple the gorilla
.pet the one eyed snake
.stroke the salami
.massage colin
.toss off
.shake hands with the milkman
.plain old wank
.greet the old chap
.tommy tank
.Buffing the Banana
.Holding Your Sausage Hostage
.Jackin' the Beanstalk
.Rounding up the Tadpoles
.Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
.Spank the Frank
.Applying the hand brake
.Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
.Auditioning the finger puppets
.Boxing the bald champ
.Charming the snake
.Checking for testicular cancer
.Choking Kojak
.Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
.Straddle your paddle
.Taking matters into your own hands
.Teasing the weasel
.Thumping the pump
.Tickling the pickle

Also, checkout the
Top 5 Songs about Masturbation from the 80s.


Flying Cats? More pics here

Official: Big Feet = Big Cock

NOW we’re not pulling your leg lads — but girls CAN tell the size of your willy just by looking at your feet.

In a giant step for manhood, sorry mankind, scientists confirm the old wives’ theory that a bloke’s foot size is directly related to that of his todger.

And the Moscow University team has even come up with a formula to help ladies size up a potential partner at a glance: willy size = foot length in centimetres + 5, divided by 2.

So a British size six, which is 24.8cms, means the fella’s old fella measures 14.9cms, or a shade under six inches.
With that, Dirty Dan would like to annouce that the actual shoe size that fits moi is sie 12.
Never been prouder of that fact.

Joke of the Day

An oldie but a goodie:

Beckham and posh are in a london cab and the driver asks becks 'what are the names of your kids again?'

Becks looks a bit perplexed and answers with

'whats the name of the famous london station?'

'Waterloo?' says the driver

'no' replies becks

'Paddington?' the driver tries

'no' says becks getting more agitated


'YES' screams Beckham...'Victoria, what are the names of our kids again?

Friday, August 05, 2005

The Flying Dog!

What do you think the dog is thinking? (Apart from WTF)

I think its thinking, 'this is the seventh time they've done this. That prick with the camera better get a decent pic this time. twat'

Bush Watch

Following on from our exclusive report last week that Mr. Bush has a shitty little 14" TV, Bush, clearly embarrassed, has gone out and purchased this.

Farewell Phil: The Neville Diaries!

Saturday, July 30
'And crowd favourite, the legendary Gary Neville, flies down the right with his bushy, manly moustache to terrorise the Urawa defence. He's by far the best player in the world right now...'

Yes, I was back in the bestest position and yes, we won. I was so excited when Sir read out the team that I did a little sex wee and had to change my shorts. I don't think Phil minded.

Read this week's Neville Diaries

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Offensive Game of the Day

You must've read about the 'sick' internet game about the london bombs, now you can play it
No offence intended

Real or Fake?

Looks like a prank by someone at the station

Thanks Benny.C

I've Not offended anyone for a while so here we go...Sorry.

Two Middle east mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk.The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now" "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh so sad dear" says the other.

"And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21" "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too "says mum quietly. "Oh gracious me ." says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18, she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". "He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Walk on to the next round

Looks like we can't score without Steven Gerrard anymore! Didn't get a chance to watch the game as I don't think it was on TV in this part of the world, but according to various match reports, Liverpool had laboured to penetrate the Lithuanian champions' defence in a disappointing performance by a side showing eight changes from the first leg.

Benny C - match report

I did watch the match and I have to say it is encouraging. There were some parts where the passing and movement was superb (finishing in the first half left a lot to be desired). We controlled the game they had a couple of speculative shots nothing too threatening, Carson coped well. Credit to the Kaunas keeper he made some good saves.

I'm really looking forward to the start of the season as this qualifying run seems to have us firing on all cylinders....fingers crossed. Sissoko looked fantastic. Still tried to kill a couple of people though - needs to reign that in a bit. Looks to be favourite for a couple of cards this season

Match Photos
2517601 2517558 2517595

3692075153 2517634 2517631

The things you can buy on the internet....

Howdy folks,

It has been a while and the premier season is fast approaching (are you excited yet?)

Rafa is building a team that is looking pretty tasty (at least in my eyes - still not too sure about Crouch though...) and maybe this season Liverpool will be back challenging for their rightful place in this world. Who knows?

Anyway, was flicking through E bay and came across

You know, I thought they had all been bought up by Bill Gates.....


Mike Knocks One Out!

The poor bloke is short of a few quid apparently so will be starring in his first skin flick soon!

The question is, what will it be called?! Leave your suggestions in 'Comments'

Here are some suggestions from the F365 Forummers

Joke of the Day - Golden Oldie.

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

Important Safety Tip For Males - Benny C

Be on the lookout!

Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A date rape drug on the market, called "beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer", men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened the night before...usually with a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "golf courses" in the yellow pages.

Say NO to Terrorism!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Babe of the Day - Jessica Simpson

9/10 for me. What do you say?

View the Jessica Simpson

Rafa: Jose's brickin' it!

Well he didn't actually say THAT.

What he did say was, "I like it when Jose talks about us because it means we are doing well.

"He must be worried about us. I think we will do very well this season. Steven Gerrard will win many trophies with us - hopefully starting this season."

Full Story ]

Mourniho the cock getting cocky again

And this time its Steven Gerrard, his target.

I mean, come on, how low can you go? Every time he opens his mouth you can almost see the big turds coming out and he convinces everyone that this is probably the lowest a manager of a football club can stoop. And then he proves us wrong by stooping even lower!

'Gerrard made a mistake - It will be a loss for him, his career'
'He can say 'I was European champion at Liverpool' and that is correct, But I can say to him in the next 10 years we will compare trophies at Chelsea and Liverpool. And he'll lose.'

I cannot believe that he is convinced that the mighty blue Bolshevik revolution (Mk 2) will be winning more than Liverpool in the next decade. While, as a Liverpool fan, I can concede that Chelski were the goods last season, I personally am not convinced that they will finish in the top three this year.

They have a good core of players, yes, a good coach (not great as everyone else seems convinced), yes, and a blank check for a bankroll, yes. A tick in every box yet as we all know in football, money does not always buy success. I feel that the Blues are in need of a good thrashing or two (which may come this season) and it will be the catalyst for a sell-off of immense proportions.

Chelski can't sustain a squad with their current talent and keep them happy. ManYoo have tried this before (just ask Ole Gunner) and unless they are winning the league, it turns to sh!te. Just ask Parker, Morris, Kezman, Crespo, Babayaro and Bridge. All have had limited parts in the Chelski team and all have been frustrated with the style of management. Mourinho cannot manage his squad for another season the way he did last year and I feel that a few bad results will lead to a mass culling of talent.

It can't be long before that smile and swagger turns to a washed-out whimper of desperation, and I hope it comes courtesy of a 5-0 drubbing by Liverpool!

I don't think that Liverpool are necessarily the better side, but I feel that they are better grounded and have a team resolve that will serve them well in the next couple of seasons. Rafa the Gaffa (actually he seems to be destined to win the Prem this year considering he followed in the steps of Mourinho by winning the UEFA Cup and CL in consecutive seasons) has transformed a bunch of misfit players into a solid unit at Liverpool and I feel he has bought well to the needs of the team.

His comments are the highest form of disrespect to Gerrard, Benitez and of course Liverpool to claim that Gerrard will be the loser for not signing for Chelsea and that in the next ten years, when trophies are compared, Chelsea will better Liverpool.

Liverpool may not have won the Premiership in the last ten years but the club rates among Real and Milan as the most successful in Europe. Mourinho has forgotten that Chelsea last won the domestic title before last season in 1955 and that yesterday's success is not a guarantee for today's or tomorow's success.

If, according to Mourinho, he cannot match Sir Alex' records, I wonder how far he intends to succeed in the next ten years; meanwhile, Liverpool has not said that they lack ambition in the next ten years. Has the 'special one' become a seer? Mourinho prides himself as being special due to his winning the UEFA Cup and Champions League back to back. He forgets easily that Benitez holds the same record and with two differnt teams.

Have Chelsea become so big and mighty that anyone who does not sign for the club becomes a loser? Mourinho should please imbibe some spirit of respect and humilty - not arrogance.

Get your hands off it Mourinho! You have the league, we have Europe, and we didn't have to buy it!

inna lillah wa inna 'ilayhi raji'un

King Fahd of Saudi Arabia dies

King Fahd, Saudi Arabia's ruler since 1982, dies and is succeeded by Crown Prince Abdullah.

Analysis: Life and legacy
Obituary: King Fahd
Your comments: King Fahd

Crown Prince Abdullah (now King) has been known to be against the American presence in the Gulf region, which can only be a good thing. He does, however, likes holding hands with Bush and enjoys kissy wissying with the 'most powerful cunt in the world'(Eww).

Security in London

Some people have decided to take things into their own hands

On the other hand there's good news for 'Asian looking' people who are too afraid to carry rucksacks becuase of obvious reasons.


Clean your dirty screen

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Things learnt from blogging (a bit geeky innit?)

From: A Welsh View

The world is both bigger and smaller than I’d ever imagined.
There is great power in words.
Blogging can very easily be considered work. Lots of it.
24 hours in a day isn’t enough.
Making a mistake and being called on it can be one the best learning experiences you can have.
You really can meet cool people online. And many of them are not so bad in person either!
It’s easy to mix up “it’s” and “its”. Same goes for “your” and “you’re”. Oh and “too” and “to”.
Don’t trust spellcheck.
Blogs are great for marketing and PR if done the right way.
I’ve got friends in low places.
The world is full of passionate people.
Storytelling is one of the best ways to convey a message.
People love gadgets. And porn.
Defensiveness makes you look bad.
People I’ve never met care about me, and I care about people I’ve never met.
Links are a new form of currency.
Blogging is a great way to express yourself.
Blogging is a great way to manage knowledge and lessons learned.
Geek is the new pink.
Smaller is better.
Writing is hard!
Most people are more positive than negative.
Some people actually can make a living blogging. Imagine that.
A well-placed f-bomb can go along way.
Mainstream media is full of shit.
Everyone has a bad day.
Crankiness comes in waves and affects many at once.
Popular doesn’t always mean good.
The best way to become better at something is to keep doing it.
Comments make great content.
Conversations are a great way to communicate.
You’ve got to love what you do to do it really well.
People actually do read Web content.
Making an ass out of yourself will get you lots of attention.
Censorship is lame.
Perfect is the enemy of the good.
Clever writing can be frustrating.
Sub-headers are priceless. As are lists.
The future is text-based.
Content management is a process, not a technology.
If you step away from it, the blogosphere will still be there when you get back.
Asking a question is a great way to get a response. (Obvious I know…)
With that, I’ll throw it to y’all. What has blogging taught you?

Christiano Ronaldo - Nancy Boy

Anybody seen the article in The news of the world?

It shows a picture of him in
stilettos and bending over....

Then it has an interview with his ex, she says she came home once and he was wearing a top of hers which was far too small, a pair of her trousers and stilettos again.

Nancy boy.

source: 365 - click to see some more pics

Ugliest Team Ever!

Somebody seems a little...

Joke of the Day

This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.

He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So...

I switched the heads.
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