Saturday, April 02, 2005

Man hires prostitute

Only to find out its his own daughter. For real.

As if !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I admit that was a pretty lame attempt at an april fool's prank - I kinda realised a bit late (after being pranked meself) that it was the 1st of April (booze allegedly kills your braincells. hence, memory loss) and came up with a not really very creative "goodbye" post.

Thanks for your comments though (Lucy, if I bump into you in Dubai it aint gonna be nice sunshine). One thing I've noticed - Jon, V, Sarah, you could help me out here... How do you guys get so many comments on your posts?? My comments tab has never hit double figures... That might be down to the the fact that I do post on average, 5 different bits every day so its pretty fast moving and none of my posts manage to accumulate more than 5-6 comments.

It might be down to the fact that V, Jon and Sarah's blogs are more interesting and definately more personal. Which brings me to the question...What kind of blogs do you guys enjoy reading?

Is it those online sex journals with nasty details of stuff people do (or wish they did) or is it blogs like Goose's and Badger's which provide light entertainment, pictures of women's tits, useful information on drugs and how to make bombs and the odd news / information piece.

When I started this, I tried to keep it to (very few) personal experiences, lots of Liverpool FC news, funny and weird pics and articles, alongwith some serious and thought provoking stuff on the atrocities committed in the name of liberation and freedom in Iraq and Palestine. That way there would be something for everyone. And somewhere along the way COCONUT MAN happened. (who actually read the whole thing?)

What do YOU think? Do I continue on the same pattern? Do you want to see more naked women and bar jokes? Or do you want more coverage of Iraq/Palestine/Afghanistan? I know its probably a long shot but have you seen anything on my blog that has stuck to your memory for being either too funny, too in your face, too weird or too depressing?

Your feedback will help me make this blog better.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Quotes from Goodfellas

Henry Hill: [narrating] And when the cops, they assigned a whole army to stop Jimmy, what'd he do? He made 'em partners.
Henry Hill: Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies.
Henry Hill: [narrating] Whenever we needed money, we'd rob the airport. To us, it was better than Citibank.
Henry Hill: [narrating] And then there was Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname because he said everything twice, like:
Jimmy Two Times: I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.
[Henry, Jimmy and Tommy are digging with shovels to find Batts' corpse. Henry is sickened by the stench, but the others don't appear to be bothered]
Tommy DeVito: Hey Henry, Henry, hurry up will you? My mother's gonna make some fried peppers and sausage for us. Oh hey, Henry, Henry. Here's an arm.
Henry Hill: Very funny, guys.
Tommy DeVito: Hey, here's a leg. Here's a wing.
[He laughs]
Tommy DeVito: Hey, what do you like, the leg or the wing, Henry? Or do you still go for the old hearts and lungs?
[Henry vomits]
Jimmy Conway: [after Spider tells Tommy to "go fuck yourself"] I can't believe what I just hear.
[he throws some money on the table]
Jimmy Conway: Here, Spider, this is for you. I got respect for this kid. He's got alot of fucking balls. Good for you, don't take no shit of nobody. He shoots him in the foot he tells him to go fuck himself.
[to Tommy, joking]
Jimmy Conway: Tommy, you gonna let him get away with that? You gonna let this fucking punk get away with that? What's the matter? What's the world coming to?
[Tommy pulls out a gun and shoots Spider in the chest]
Jimmy Conway: I'm fucking kidding with you; you fucking shoot the guy?
Henry Hill: He's dead.
Tommy DeVito: I'm a good shot, what do you want from me? I'm a good shot.
Anthony Stabile: How could you miss at this distance?

For more quotes from one of the best movies of all time, see IMDB

Want the original script? Here's the pdf

Babe of the Day - Kate Moss

This one's on special request from a mate. The Kate Moss Gallery

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

How fast can ya type?

Take this typing test and post your speed in the Comments. Mine was 85 :

Cheers Convict

Some newer jokes

A young boy passes by a group of hookers every day on his way home from school. The hookers always wave at him with their pinkies and say, "Hi there, little boy!"
One day the boy stopped and asked one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. "Well," replies the hooker, "that is what size we imagine your penis to be. It's just a joke!"

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The boy stops, throws his school books to the ground, sticks all of his fingers in his mouth, stretches his lips really wide and mumbles, "Hi there, ladies!"


"In English," the linguistics professor instructed his class, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

Joke of the Day : American Military Prowess

Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations 10.10.95:

Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision

This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

No, I say again, divert YOUR course.


This is a small Canadian lighthouse. Your call.

This was the transcript of a radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.

Random image of the day

The Blue Screen of Death

The Future

New allegations of prisoner abuse by US forces in Iraq and Afghanistan have been revealed in documents released by the US Army. Read more

And in another report, official documents have revealed that children as young as 11 were (and possible still are) being held at Abu Ghraib.

In one case, witness statements among the released documents allege that four drunken Americans took a 17-year-old female prisoner from her cell and forced her to expose her breasts and kissed her.

In another documented incident, troops are alleged to have smeared mud on the detained 17-year-old son of an Iraqi general and forced his father to watch him shiver in the cold.

And another one

"He told me he was almost 12," she said. "He told me his brother was there with him, but he really wanted to see his mother, could he please call his mother. He was crying."

Read the full story from BBC

This reminds me of the Baghdad Burning blog.

'The weapons never existed. It's like having a loved one sentenced to death for a crime they didn't commit- having your country burned and bombed beyond recognition, almost. Then, after two years of grieving for the lost people, and mourning the lost sovereignty, we're told we were innocent of harboring those weapons. We were never a threat to America...

Congratulations Bush- we are a threat now. '

Bush's actions now - will result in countless more Osama Bin Laden's who are growing up in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and in Palestine watching America torture their dads, rape their sisters, destroy their homes, and murder their families. Imagine the hatred towards America and Israel that they are growing up with.

Are they justified in hating America to the extent that they'll risk their lives to inflict as much pain as possible on their 'enemy'?

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Random pic of the day

Lord of the Freaks


US Soldiers escape charges

US Army officials have decided not to prosecute 17 soldiers involved in the deaths of prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Military investigators recommended courts-martial for the soldiers in the cases of three prisoner deaths for charges ranging from making false statements to murder. Read full story
And here are some pictures from Abu Ghraib. Not the usual torture stuff, these are relatives of detainess who wait outside the prison trying to get some information of their loved ones.





Again, who comes up with this!

How cool is this? 'The World's largest fork.' Looks like an ordinary fork, but allows you to extend it up to 2 feet to grab some food off someone elses plate.

Or how about Stinker Ciggs? Slip one in someone's pack and watch their surprise when it starts stinking like shit. Tastes worse.

Tons of stuff here, fart pens, fart sprays, fart cushions, itch powder etc.

Fuel for South Asia's Arms Race

The United States has far better ways to reward Pakistan for its helpful but selective pressure on Al Qaeda and the Taliban than President Bush's decision last week... Read Full Article

This one's for the lads

How Tennis should be played

Monday, March 28, 2005

Who comes up with this crap?

Apparently My penis's new name is Darth Vader the Hedonistical Pendulous Penis.
Take Name Your Penis by badasstronaut. today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Israeli officer who killed UK journalist faces minor charges

Chris McGreal in Jerusalem
Thursday March 10, 2005

The Israeli army has told the family of a British journalist killed in the Gaza Strip that the soldier responsible will face only minor disciplinary charges, despite the investigators' suspicion that he illegally shot James Miller two years ago.

Miller's widow Sophy said the family intended to bring a civil action for damages against the Israeli army and to seek a judicial review of the decision not to prosecute the soldier for murder.

"I think to keep people waiting for two years only to deliver nothing is an outrage," she said.

"They presented it as if they have gone to every length to secure the truth, that they've left no stone unturned, but at the same time failed to even secure the evidence the night James was killed."

Miller, an award-winning film producer and cameraman, was shot dead in Rafah refugee camp as he and the rest of a documentary team tried to pass by an armoured vehicle.

He was waving a white flag and shouting that he was a journalist, but it was dark. The armoured vehicle's commander, a lieutenant who has not been named, fired 11 bullets, two of which struck Miller in the neck.

In its first account of the killing the army said the armoured vehicle was under fire at the time, but video footage showed this to be untrue. The army altered its version twice more, effectively shifting responsibility to the victim, but these accounts were also shown to be false.

This is about Israel, not anti-semitism
Not to speak out against this injustice would not only be wrong. It would ignore the threat it poses to us all

Ken Livingstone
Friday March 4, 2005

I admire Ken Livingstone. These days anything you say against Israel, automatically gets labelled as anti-semetic and racist. But old Ken doesn't give a shit even though he's the mayor of a city with a fairly big Jewish population. He speaks his mind and infact clarifies his stance on Israel, and differentiates between anti-semitism and opposing Israel's policies in the Middle East.

Most people (myself included) don't have a problem with Jews. I've got a few Jewish mates and we get along perfectly fine. Its Israel that we have a problem with.

Read: This is about Israel; not anti-semitism

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Happy Easter


Thats me when I got arrested for drunk driving in 1963.

No seriously - I did. Mad, that woz. I know I wasn't even born then but thats the beauty of a little bit of alcohol, you end up doing shit which never should've happened in the first place!!

Like yesterday, almost midnight it woz and there I woz walking down the road talking on the phone when I tried to jump over a little fence (about a yard in height) when my foot got caught in the chain and it was as if in slow-motion... First me left knee hits the tarmac, followed closely by my left hand, then my left knee and then the right elbow before I finally let go of the bloody phone.

What an absolutely CRAP way to end an otherwise MAD birthday.

Needless to say, I need a new phone now. Any suggestions? Only Nokias and Sony Ericssons please.

And if you need your own MUGSHOTS, go to
Mugshot maker

By the way, here's another lovely lady who not only shares the same birthday as moi but also comes from the same town.

Click here to view BABE OF THE DAY, Keira Knightley's gallery.

Dubai World Cup

To celebrate EvilD's birthday in Grand style, the ruling sheikhs threw a big bash and present were the who's who of Dubai's social scene. Oh and they also had a little horse-race calling it the Dubai World Cup, The richest races on the planet. Here's how the press covered it.


The Dubai World Cup race meeting is always the social event of the year in Dubai, and arguably the Gulf. And the 10th running of the race was no exception.

Every sector of Dubai society is represented at the race meeting which has a total prize purse of $15.25 million (£8.15m). Continue reading...

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