'This.is.Anfield: The Funny Side of Sport' (FHM, Oct 06, UK Edition)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
King Kong
I'm not really into movies with giant apes and dinosaurs. I usually prefer gangster flicks, war movies, movies with boobs in'em or atleast fast cars going really really fast. It was only by a stroke of luck that I found myself in the theater watching none other than KING KONG, one of the most ludicrous premises ever filmed. What I saw however, was probably the best 3 hours of my lifelong cinematic experiences.
I'm not going to go on about the story, as you'll find it in the millions of reviews on the interweb. The reason I'm writing about this is to get YOU out of your armchairs and watch this movie in the theaters. DVD will not do justice to the brilliance of this movie.
The dinosaurs are bigger and better than Jurassic Park, and they blend in much better. The digital Kong delivers more emotion than 80 percent of the real actors employed today. You'll feel sorry for him at the end and angry at human nature that is always wanting to destroy what it doesnt understand.
The empire state building sequence towards the end is simply breathtaking. I have a slight fear of heights (despite having a few flying hours under my belt) and watching Kong on top of the building, when you could see the rest of New York down below, made me feel really uneasy in my seat. It was as if Peter Jackson had taken you to 1250ft above ground and you were watching it all from up there. Never felt anything like it before.
One of the very few funny things on television in recent years, in my opinion, has been Ali G especially when he plays Borat. Here is a pile of links some that have been published by me previously and some that have not. Quite a few of these links could be considered NSFW.
1) After accepting a gift off a Kenyan native he replied "You are a woman aren't you?"
2) After the Dunblane massacre : "If a cricketer decided to go into a school and batter people to death with his bat, are we going to ban cricket bats?"
3) "If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine the Cantonese will eat it"
4) Told a student from Brunai how sorry he was that the student had to fly to Glasgow.
5) On a World Wildlife Fund visit he refused to touch a Koala bear as "It will be riddled with ghastly diseases"
6) Welcomed former German chancellor Helmut Kohl as 'Reichskanzler' The title Hitler gave to himself and has never been used since.
7) Suggested locals were cannibals on a visit to Papua New Guinea by asking a British student "You managed not to get eaten then?"
8) Asked a wealthy Cayman Islander "You're all descended from pirates aren't you?"
9) Asked a Scottish driving instructor "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough for them to pass"
10) Told a group of deaf school children at a fund raising event standing next to a Jamaican steel drum band "Deaf? No wonder you are deaf standing so close to that racket"
11) On a visit to China he described Peking as "ghastly" and said that if you stay too long there you will become "slitty eyed"
12) Told a student in Budapest that "You can't have been in Budapest that long because you haven't got a pot-belly"
13) In India visiting a site where the British army in the years of the Empire had slaughtered Indian civillians, He was shown a plaque commemorating the 2000 killed to which he quipped "No, no, we didn't slaughter that many"
14) Told a mother who had recently lost two sons in a house fire that "smoke alarms are a damn nuisance"
15) On a visit to a large factory he told a group of workers that a fuse box "looks like it has been put in by an Indian"
* In 1996 he caused an outcry among gun law reformers when he said: "There's no evidence that people who use weapons for sport are any more dangerous than people who use golf clubs or tennis rackets or cricket bats."
* The Prince angered local residents in Lockerbie when on a visit to the town in 1993, he said to a man who lived in a road where 11 people had been killed by wreckage from the Pan Am jumbo jet: "People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still trying to dry out Windsor Castle."
* He said of Canada: "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves."
* At the height of the recession in 1981 he said: "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."
* In 1966 he provoked outrage by saying: "British women can't cook."
* Commenting on stress counselling for servicemen in a TV documentary on the 50th Anniversary of D-Day, he said: "It was part of the fortunes of war. We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking `are you all right - are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?'. You just got on with it."
* Personal remarks have annoyed singing stars. In 1969 The Duke said to Tom Jones after the Royal Variety Performance: "What do you gargle with, pebbles?".
* At a private lunch given 30 years ago he said he thought Adam Faith's singing was like bath water going down a plug hole.
* Prince Philip's joke to a blind girl at an award ceremony: 'A blind man walked into a pub and swung his guide dog around his head by the tail. He told the barman 'I'm just having a look around'.'
* Prince Philip on his daughter, Princess Anne: 'If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.'
1. The nice men are ugly. 2. The handsome men are not nice. 3. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money, think we are only after their money. 7. The handsome men without money are after our money. 8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. 9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. 10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move!!!!!! 11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW......WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a womans job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
Liverpool star Steven Gerrard has won £5,000 from England international pal and clubmate Peter Crouch by singing at a gay club.
The Liverpool pair were back home celebrating their 5-3 FA Cup win over Luton when the lanky striker bet his skipper the cash that he wouldn't dare get on the mike at city club Garlands.
But Gerrard walked over to the DJ and crooned along to Just Can't Get Enough by Herd and Fitz.
Then he had a go at spinning another record for the cheering dancers.
And, just to show there were no hard feelings that he'd lost his wager, Crouch joined in and became a second makeshift MC.
Gerrard, Crouch and fellow Anfield star Steve Finnan were at the gay club's Carry On Misbehavin' gala the night after their FA Cup triumph.
A source said: "They'd had a few drinks and, though Steven was a little the worse for wear, he readily let loose as soon as Peter bet him five grand."
Muslims believe that God revealed in a dream to Ibrahim to sacrifice his son Isma’il. Ibrahim and Isma’il set off to Mina for the sacrifice. As they went, the devil attempted to persuade Ibrahim to disobey God and not to sacrifice his beloved son. But Ibrahim stayed true to God, and drove the devil away. As Ibrahim prepared to sacrifice his son, God stopped him and gave him a sheep to sacrifice instead. The story is also a part of the other Abrahamic religions
The first day is the primary holiday, on which men, women, and children are expected to dress in their finest clothing and perform prayer (Salah) in a large congregation. Muslims who can afford to do so sacrifice domestic animals, usually sheep, as a symbol of Ibrahim's sacrifice; this sacrifice is called "Qurbani." The meat is distributed amongst their neighbors, relatives, and the poor and hungry. The charitable instincts of the Muslim community are demonstrated during Eid ul-Adha by the concerted effort to see that no impoverished Muslim is left without sacrificial food during this day. Coming immediately after the Day of Arafat (when Muhammad pronounced the final seal on the religion of Islam), Eid ul-Adha gives concrete realization to what the Muslim community ethic means in practice.
You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it. The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you. Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!
Not long ago Britney Spears was young, beautiful and talented. Now she’s old, spotty and rubbish. Where did it all go wrong? That’s right, she married Kevin, and now it’s time to dump his sorry ass.
George Michael was sacked from his Saturday job at British Home Stores for not wearing a shirt and tie in the stockroom.
Madonna was fired from New York fast-food restaurant Dunkin' Donuts for squirting jam at a customer.
Mickey Rourke lost his job as a cinema usher after getting into a brawl with a colleague.
Boy George was sacked from his job as a shelf-stacker at Tesco for wearing the store's carrier bags. Tesco deemed his appearance 'disturbing.'
Roseanne Barr got fired from her job as a salad lady at Chuckarama in Salt Lake City for refusing to enter the walk-in freezer after a painful visit to the dentist.
Eric Sykes lost his job at a cotton mill for singing Bing Crosby's 'In the Blue of the Night' with an empty bucket on his head.
Dusty Springfield was fired from his sales job at Bentalls for making a mess of a demonstration and fusing the store's entire lighting system.
Peter Finch was sacked as copyboy on the Sun, Sydney's leading newspaper of the 1930s, for emptying a jug of water over the editor's head.
Sidney Poitier was fired from his job parking cars because he couldn't drive. He got first gear mixed up with reverse and crashed into another car.
There's tonnes more at one of my oldest link-buddies, The Goose.
37. If a young Tiriki man offers beer to a woman and she spits some of it into his mouth, they are engaged to be married. Hmmmmm.....that makes the single life seem a little more attractive
