Babe of the Day - Jessica Alba

Checkout Goose's brilliant Jessica Alba Gallery

Chavs - The Scum of the Earth

What is a Chav?

'chav' (slang) - a young person, often without a high level of education, who follows a particular fashion; Chavs usually wear designer labels including the chav favourite 'Burberry', and if they’re girls, very short skirts, large hoop earrings and stilettos.

Chavs see branded baseball caps as a status symbol and wear them at every opportunity. Normally found hanging around shopping centres.

Also known as Townies, Kevs, Hood Rats, Charvers, Steeks, Stigs, Bazzas, Yarcos, Ratboys, Chorer, Skangers, Scutters, Janners, Kappa Slappers, Scallies, and Spides. Also known as Neds in Scotland, knackers & skangers in Ireland, and Guidos in the USA

How to spot one

Sportswear - Baseball Cap

What can I say? I'm convinced that male Chavs are issued with a Baseball Cap at birth! Disregard caps worn at a jaunty angle or back to front, the Chav will use his cap peak to conceal his identity to the max! Look out for the particularly hideous Burberry variant as pictured left!

Sportswear - Banded Shirts and Jackets

Forget Savile (yes, that's Savile, Dominic!) Row tailoring, what your Chav about town likes to be seen wearing is branded sportswear! The bigger the brand name on the garment, the better! Look out for what was this summers classic, the pink Nickelson polo shirt and this winters classic, the sky blue McKenzie hoody!

Jewellery - Big Hoopy Gold Earrings

Nothing says 'filthy chavster' quite like a nice thick pair of big hoopy gold earrings! When I say big, I mean a inside diameter of at least 2 inches! If you see someone with earrings so big they rest on the wearers shoulders, you are in the presence of Chav royalty!

Rides - The Chav Car

Chav cars, roaring around at 11pm, blue lights, loud exhaust, huge spoiler. Sound familiar? If so then we can help. Simply call your local police station and quote section 59 of the police reform act at them. Make sure you get the registration number, and hopefully an officer will come and take a look. If the chav does it again.....we impound their car :) And they have no defence against it hehe.

More 'How to spot a Chav'

Chav Jokes

What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav?
Fathers Day!

What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?
The burglar.

What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.

What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.

What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.

What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter!

What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.

Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police.

What do you do if you run over a chav?
Reverse just to make sure

Play ChavOlympics [game]
Great Site - Loads of Chav-related Links
Celebrity Chavs

Israel v The Pope

Pope Benedict XVI was yesterday immersed in the first big diplomatic crisis of his papacy after the Vatican issued an unusually blunt statement criticising Israel for its response to Palestinian attacks.

The Vatican's stinging rebuke came after Israel demanded to know why the Pope did not refer to a Palestinian suicide bombing in remarks he made on Sunday condemning terrorist attacks in London and Sharm el-Sheikh.
In a 1,300-word communique, the Vatican said: "It has not always been possible to follow every attack against Israel with a public declaration of condemnation."

It said one reason for this was that "the attacks on Israel were sometimes followed by immediate Israeli reactions not always compatible with the norms of international law ... It would thus be impossible to condemn the [terrorist operations] and pass over the [Israeli retaliation] in silence".

The statement also expressed irritation with the reaction of the Israeli government to the Pope's original comments and said it was not prepared to "take lessons or instructions from any other authority on the content and direction of its own statements".

Israel has repeatedly demanded that other governments recognise Palestinian attacks as part of an international Islamist campaign against western democracy, therefore implicitly not connected to its own actions in the occupied territories. [source]

What a load of shite, the last para. I'm sorry Mr. Sharon, Israel's actions in Palestine is the single biggest motivator for Anti-west terrorists, whether you like it or not.

Berlin prepares giant BROTHEL for WC 2006

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German company is looking to cash in on an expected boom in the sex trade during next year's soccer World Cup with a 60-room brothel a walk away from Berlin's Olympic Stadium, German media reported on Friday.

Named after the virgin huntress of Greek mythology, the "Artemis" complex is due to open for business in September with whirlpool, sauna, cinema, buffet restaurant and a staff of 100 prostitutes, mass circulation daily Bild reported.

"This is no flash rip-off joint where clients are taken for a ride," a spokesman for the Artemis GmbH investment company behind the project, told the newspaper. [source]

Somebody better keep an eye on Rooney.

Lobster has its blues

A blue lobster at The Audubon Society has molted and is at its brightest blue ever. [source]

Reds face potential trip to Tirana or Sofia

Assuming they avoid a shock defeat at home to FKB Kaunas next Tuesday Liverpool's defence of the European Cup will continue with a tie against KF Tirana or CSKA Sofia. [More]

I'm a bit gutted that we didn't draw the blue-shite - would've loved to be the cause of their inevitable humiliating exit from the Champions league.

But I do believe Villareal will do that for us. At Goodison Park yesterday, there was clear dismay at the news that they must get past the side that finished third in La Liga last season if they are to reach the money-flushed group stage, which this season could be worth as much as £15m.



"It's going to be very difficult and, if I'm honest, we haven't been very lucky," admitted Everton's Spanish midfielder Mikel Arteta, aware that Villarreal have reached the semi-finals and quarter-finals of the Uefa Cup in successive years.

"If I could have chosen who we'd play, I'd never have chosen them," said Arteta. "They like to play good football, and played the best stuff in Spain along with Barcelona last year. [More]

Babe of the Day - Lucy Pinder

Yes, they're the only reason she's today's BOTD.
Yes, Men are that shallow.

Lucy Pinder from Babes of the Goose

I still have my doubts about this...

According to this site, our perceptions of colours are strongly affected by surrounding colours.

In some cases, a color that looks.. lets say YELLOW, could actually be GREY!

Check it out

Offensive Joke of the Day

A man goes into a sex shop to buy an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?" asks the assistant.
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black, or White?"
"Black, please"
"Would you like a Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man. "What has
religion got to do with it? he asks.
"Well," explained the assistant,
"The Muslim one blows itself up..."

Do you have a better TV...

than the 'most powerful man in the world' ??

Babe of the Day - Holly Valance

The best thing to come out of Australia.

Holly Valance from Babes of the Goose!

Random Virals

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

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[Offensive Joke Alert]
Beauty spa's all over britain face closure today is it's been revealed that the met police are doing brazilians for nothing.

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What did the sunbathing mother say to Gary Glitter?
Excuse me sir, but you're in my son.........

Grand Theft Auto: Porn Scene

A tempest has struck the American video-game industry after the publisher of the country's most popular series, Grand Theft Auto, acknowledged that its latest instalment includes embedded pornographic content that allegedly was never meant to be seen by players.

The globally successful game sold one million copies in Britain in nine days when it was released last October, where it attracted an "18" certificate. [More]

The 'porn' scene scene however, is a huge disappointment. You can watch it here

Du The Dudek - The Trophy Boys Video

Now available for download (15mb)

Catchy tune, nice video, four hottt chicks in Liverpool tops.

3-1 Victory for the Reds

Liverpool came from behind to beat Kaunas in the Champions League second round qualifier first leg. Giedrius Barevicius' close range finish put the Lithuanians ahead on 21 minutes, but soon Liverpool led.

Debutant Peter Crouch's header set up Djibril Cisse for the equaliser, with Jamie Carragher's header putting Liverpool 2-1 ahead.

Early in the second half Steven Gerrard won and converted a penalty to claim his sixth goal in Europe this season. [Full Match Report]

The Goals [click to enlarge]

Match Photos [click to enlarge]




Funny Pic of the Day


Peter Crouch with Rafa Benitez [also available as a banner ]

Babe of the Day - Denise Richards

Denise Richards Photo Gallery from Babes of The Goose

SLEEP

Kids and animals can fall asleep just about anywhere.

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6. "The coffee machine is broken...."

5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

"Amen"

Liverpool Slap £7m price tag on Milan

Dominic Fifield
Monday July 25, 2005
The Guardian

Aston Villa will have to meet Liverpool's £7m valuation of Milan Baros if they are to sign the Czech international striker.

Villa offered £5m for Baros last week. That was quickly knocked back, however, with Liverpool aiming to recoup nearer twice the £3.6m they paid to Banik Ostrava to sign the forward four years ago.

A renewed offer is expected this week, with Baros - Liverpool's joint leading goalscorer last season with 14 - unlikely to be involved in tomorrow's Champions League game against FBK Kaunas. [More]

Liverpool 4 - 3 Olympiacos [Friendly]

Milan Baros showed Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez why he should stay on at Anfield with a brace which helped sink Olympiakos in Liechtenstein.

Good work by Liverpool debutant Peter Crouch set up Luis Garcia's opener but Rivaldo levelled before the break.

In the second half, Baros set up Fernando Morientes for 2-1 before heading in a Stephen Warnock cross.
He rounded the goalkeeper for 4-1 before a Predrag Djordjevic penalty and a Yiannis Okkas strike closed the gap. [More]

I'm starting to think we should keep Milan. I don't think anyone doubts the fact that he does have serious talent and doubled with consistency that he unfortunately lacks, he is a £10 mil + player. But CAN he perform consistently?

For those who have doubts about what Liverpool can realistically achieve this season, read this article

Jean Charles de Menezes (1978 - 2005)

This is the man shot 5 times in the head by the police after he apparently refused to obey instructions and ran onto a northbound Northern line train.

Yesterday evening it emerged that he was a Brazilian Electrician - unconnected to the london bombings and has been named by police as Jean Charles de Menezes, 27.

His cousin, Alex Alves Pereira, from London, told the BBC: "Apologies are not enough. I believe my cousin's death was result of police incompetence."

Describing his cousin as a "person full of life" he said his cousin was "a victim of government's mistakes."

I'm sure everyone would understand the family's shock at this and our thoughts and prayers go out to the victim of this tragedy.

But I don't believe the Police is to blame in this scenario. Given the situation, they did what was required of them. Had the man turned out to be a suicide bomber, the police would've been hailed as heros.

When you have a man who you're half-suspecting to be a terrorist, do a runner into a packed tube-station after being told to stop, jump barriers and rush into a packed train, you literally have a fraction of a second to react before the suspect has a chance to detonate the bomb he might be carrying.

Now, I KNOW he wasn't a suicide bomber but he could've been one and he really didn't help his chances by running away from armed cops INTO A TUBE STATION just one day after 3 failed attempts on tubes.

What made him run?

Could've been anything - He was legally resident in the UK so it won't have been any fear of immigration officials. He could've shat himself on seeing 5-6 big burly blokes (presumably) with a gun asking him to stop. He could've had gear on him and didn't wanna get caught. Fuck knows. We'll probably never find out.

What would YOU do if you had some armed blokes tell you to stop and that they're police? Running away hoping to outrun a bullet won't be an option now would it?

The police did exactly what they're expected to doby not taking any chances on the lives of hundreds of innocent passengers.

What really bothers me are 'witnesses' such as Mark Whitby, who came up with this gem:

'"I saw the man run onto the train, hotly pursued by three plain-clothes police officers. One of them was carrying a black handgun - it looked like an automatic. He looked like a cornered rabbit. They pushed him to the floor... and unloaded five shots into him." He said the suspected bomber 'looked Asian' and was wearing a heavy coat — rather too warm for Britain's ongoing balmy summer - with wires sticking out '

To me, this Mr. Whitby sounds nothing more than an attention seeking cock.