Babe of the Day: Asia Argento

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T.I.A Exclusive: Fan Video of Joe Cole's Goal

Things that make blokes proud of themselves!

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and- as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

9. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

11. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

12. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

13. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

14. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

15. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

16. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

17. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

18. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

19. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

20. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad?"

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.

Crouchinho: Photoshopped!!

FROM



TO



Here are a few more hilarious efforts

England 2 - 2 Sweden

Gifs (Goals):

Joe Cole Gif 1 Joe Cole Gif 2
Allback
Stevie G
Larsson

MATCH HIGHLIGHTS



A much better performance than the first two games, cracking goal by Joe Cole and some diabolical defending towards the end. England need to work on defending from dead balls to have any chance.

Feel sorry for little Mickey but as one of our readers Craig pointed out, it might be a blessing in disguise as far as England are concerned.

Here are Craig's comments.

Well Lampard didn't get booked, but Gerrard came on and scored a beautiful header. Owen's injury may force the 4-5-1 upon Sven, it's a shame we pay him £5 million a year and it takes injury's to players for him to finally make the right choice.

Gerrard is a much better player than Lampard, and the stats don't lie, Lampard has had 18 shots on goal and not scored, Gerrard has had just 6 and scored twice.

I'd like to see the 4-5-1, with Carrick or Hargreaves as the holding player. Rooney upfront alone, with Gerrard, Cole and Lampard supporting. Beckham will just do what he does (f*ck all).

Do you agree with him?

Another Yank on Football

RON MORGAN: Soccer popularity still not very high in the United States

From what I understand, the world’s most popular sporting event is taking place right now. I’m just not sure what that is. Let’s see. Is it Zarqawi hunting? Is it the French Open tennis tournament? Camel races in Saudi Arabia? The World Freestyle Swim across the Rio Grande? Oh yeah, I remember now. The World Cup soccer matches are going on.

From what I hear, there have been 173 people across the country tune in to watch it. The Nielson folks reported that three people in Corsicana watched it. Why is the event so wildly popular in the rest of the world but such a flop in the U.S.?

By all rights, it should be a big hit here. After all, there are more kids playing soccer than there are playing little league baseball. Young soccer players are indoctrinated at earlier ages than any other sport. They get them at about age 3.

Who did the experts say determined the last three or four presidential elections? Does the term soccer mom ring a bell? So, why aren’t these millions of kids and their moms watching the World Cup?

For one thing, the soccer folks run it in the ground. They start kids, literally in some places, at age 3. They play two seasons a year. In between seasons they bring in English experts to conduct soccer camps. I’d say, that could spell burnout. By the time a child is 12, they’ve been overexposed, and they’re looking for something new.

Soccer moms? Most aren’t really fans. They’re looking for something for little Bobby or little Sally to do. Kids aren’t allowed to be kids anymore. They don’t get to invent their own entertainment today. They don’t get to organize their own sandlot games. Those SUV driving presidential electors orchestrate daily activities. Summer camp, art camp, space camp, swimming lessons, ballet lessons, junior cheerleading lessons, karate lessons and more crowd the child’s free time. Did I say free time? That’s an anachronism.

Most soccer moms don’t care about the sport. They just want to watch their baby play. The dads don’t get much choice. If he wants to watch the Cowboys, he’d better pray there’s not a soccer game that day.

But, you say, people pay thousands of dollars to get their kids on “select teams.” That’s an ego thing. It has nothing to do with a love of the game. They’re just trying to keep up with the Joneses. The Joneses drive a new Tahoe. We drive a new Tahoe. Their son plays for a traveling soccer team with an English coach. Little Johnny plays on a traveling team with an Irish coach.

Here are my top 10 reasons that soccer hasn’t come close to the NFL, the NBA, Major League Baseball, NASCAR, the PGA or professional bowling.

10. The rest of the world thinks it’s football. We know what football is.

9. If the French are good at it, can it really be a sport?

8. Sports bras aren’t really that sexy.

7. It came on at the same time as Dr. Phil.

6. They use the metric system to measure fields.

5. Red cards? We don’t need no stinkin’ red cards.

4. Big time for soccer players is when they become NFL kickers.

3. Senegal is a world power.

2. Goooooooooooal? Whooooooooooo caaaaaaaaaaares?

1. Terrorists play soccer.

[SOURCE]

MORE Silly things women say...

We know our fairer friends often put their high-heeled feet in their mouths when talking about the football, but we didn't quite realise just how many of their little errors would wing their way to us from you.

Upon drawing Japan in the work sweepstake a female colleague exclaimed, "Japan? why are they in the World Cup? I thought it was for European teams like Brazil"

She's got a geography degree.
Barry Baird


...My wife and I were watching the opening ceremony of the World Cup. Up walks Claudia Schiffer and Pele, the latter parading the trophy like he's just won it.

Says the wife - "Is he German, then?"
Ben Dixon


...I was watching the World Cup opening match with my friend, and she came out with the classic comment: "Do Costa Rica have any international players?"

Then, when Germany went 2-1 up, she said, "This game is boring, there are too many goals". Needless to say, she didn't stick around to watch the second half!
Nick in London


...While playing the new Fifa World Cup game on the Playstation an observing female friend of ours asked "How do you know which end you're shooting to?"
Niall


...I'm from Chesterfield, England but for the past year I've been living in San Diego California to study. I was speaking to my Texan girlfriend, bless her, about the World Cup and England's first match earlier today. Not being a big football fan she asked what England players she would know. I said, "probably only Beckham."

I was surprised at the quizzical look on her face before she answered, "but I thought he'd transferred?"

"What?" say I.

"Yeah, doesn't he play for Brazil now?"

Oh dear, the silly things Texas women say...
Ross Jarvis..


...I am one of those blokes in a relationship with a woman who detests football, but I managed to convince my lady a day out at OT to watch the England v Wales qualifier would be worth going to, and since she had never been to a football game she should appreciate why I like it.

Everything went well, she loved the atmosphere and was particularly tickled by our sheep-chants at the Welsh. I thought she was getting it and my relationship was going to a new level until, 10 minutes in, she said, "Which ones are England?".

Back to the drawing board.

Take a bow Shelly Priestley (and thanks for the junior blue on its way!)
Jon Mercer, Stockport


...As you printed 1-4 of Julie's comments already, I'm going to call this number 5 so I can keep track.

5. Whilst watching Mexico beat Iran on Sunday, she heard the crowd singing.

The comment was, "Are they singing that English chant in their own language?"

The Spanish speaking Mexican fans were chanting "Ole, ole, ole ole"

It just gets better.
John Smith, Handforth


...My mum started early this year in her pretending to be interested in football tomfoolery. After the Champions League final she asked me who had won. I informed her that Arsenal had lost and Barcelona had won, she replied "Does that mean England aren't in the World Cup now?"

Numpty!
Darren Curtis


...My girlfriend's brother and I were discussing the new ball being used at the World Cup, saying how bad it seemed especially for goalkeepers when up piped his wife Claire - "How are they supposed to play all those games with only one ball?"

Mmmmmmmm, I can see the ironing board calling!
Quinny - Tamworth (up the Villa)


...Watching the Portugal Angola game with my girlfriend, Faith Wilkinson (named and shamed).

Her: Why are all the players falling over, it really hot

Me: They water the pitch before the game so maybe that maybe playing a factor.

Her: That's a good idea; it allows them to cool down

Needless to say I have not stop laughing since.
Anon


You can check out the first batch of offerings from our ladyfriends right here.

The Da Vinci Load

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Joke of the Day

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

Finklestien looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg

Anyone else hoping Lamps gets a yellow tonight?

CLICK FOR BIGGERY

Not being un-patriotic or nothing, but since Sven doesn't have the balls to try it does anyone else think the only way we're gonna see Gerrard being allowed to play freely the way he plays for Liverpool is if Lampard was to get a yellow tonight and miss the next game? Ideally, I would like to see a 5 man midfield with an extra man for the holding role. That will allow both Gerrard and Lampard to get forward. With Rooney fit, I doubt if Sven's gonna change his usual 4-4-2.

Why is Rooney always refered to as a dog?

Whenever Rrooney is about to play in a big game or has just returned from injury the media always use headlines likening him to a dog. For example, the front page "Rooney let off the leash." Why is this? I know Rooney's no stud but surely comparing him to a dog is just an insult to the poor creature.

Babe of the Day: Frederica Fontana

Gallery 1
Gallery 2
Wallpapers

Even more World Cup Babes

Dirty Dan's WorldCup Hotties

Tonnes of Videos

Daily Video Update

Sex-Ed in Japan

Watch what happens next

Wrecked Exotics

The interweb's largest collection of exotic car crash photos.

Xabi Alonso - Compilation

T.I.A Careers Advice: 100 most common questions in Job Interviews

Tell me about yourself.

• What are your strengths?
  
• What are your weaknesses?
  
• Who was your favorite manager and why?
  
• What kind of personality do you work best with and why?
  
• Why do you want this job?
  
• Where would you like to be in your career five years from now?
  
• Tell me about your proudest achievement.
  
• If you were at a business lunch and you ordered a rare steak and they brought it to you well done, what would you do?
  
• If I were to give you this salary you requested but let you write your job description for the next year, what would it say?
  
• Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball?
  
• How would you go about establishing your credibility quickly with the team?
  
• There's no right or wrong answer, but if you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
  
• How would you feel working for someone who knows less than you?
  
• Was there a person in your career who really made a difference?
  
• What's your ideal company?
  
• What attracted you to this company?
  
• What are you most proud of?
  
• What are you looking for in terms of career development?
  
• What do you look for in terms of culture -- structured or entrepreneurial?
  
• What do you like to do?
  
• Give examples of ideas you've had or implemented.
  
• What are your lifelong dreams?
  
• What do you ultimately want to become?
  
• How would you describe your work style?
  
• What kind of car do you drive?
  
• Tell me about a time where you had to deal with conflict on the job.
  
• What's the last book you read?
  
• What magazines do you subscribe to?
  
• What would be your ideal working situation?
  
• Why should we hire you?
  
• What did you like least about your last job?
  
• What do you think of your previous boss?
  
• How do you think I rate as an interviewer?
  
• Do you have any questions for me?
  
• When were you most satisfied in your job?
  
• What can you do for us that other candidates can't?
  
• What are three positive things your last boss would say about you?
  
• What negative thing would your last boss say about you?
  
• If you were an animal, which one would you want to be?
  
• What salary are you seeking?
  
• What's your salary history?
  
• Do you have plans to have children in the near future?
  
• What were the responsibilities of your last position?
  
• What do you know about this industry?
  
• What do you know about our company?
  
• How long will it take for you to make a significant contribution?
  
• Are you willing to relocate?
  
• What was the last project you headed up, and what was its outcome?
  
• What kind of goals would you have in mind if you got this job?
  
• Give me an example of a time that you felt you went above and beyond the call of duty at work.
  
• What would you do if you won the lottery?
  
• Can you describe a time when your work was criticized?
  
• Have you ever been on a team where someone was not pulling their own weight? How did you handle it?
  
• What is your personal mission statement?
  
• Tell me a time when you had to give someone difficult feedback. How did you handle it?
  
• What is your greatest failure, and what did you learn from it?
  
• What irritates you about other people, and how do you deal with it?
  
• What is your greatest fear?
  
• Who has impacted you most in your career, and how?
  
• What do you see yourself doing within the first 30 days of this job?
  
• What's the most important thing you've learned in school?
  
• What three character traits would your friends use to describe you?
  
• What will you miss about your present/last job?
  
• If you were interviewing someone for this position, what traits would you look for?
  
• List five words that describe your character.
  
• What is your greatest achievement outside of work?
  
• Sell me this pencil.
  
• If I were your supervisor and asked you to do something that you disagreed with, what would you do?
  
• Do you think a leader should be feared or liked?
  
• What's the most difficult decision you've made in the last two years?
  
• What do you like to do for fun?
  
• Why are you leaving your present job?
  
• What do you do in your spare time?
  
• How do you feel about taking no for an answer?
  
• What was the most difficult period in your life, and how did you deal with it?
  
• What is your favorite memory from childhood?
  
• Give me an example of a time you did something wrong. How did you handle it?
  
• Tell me one thing about yourself you wouldn't want me to know.
  
• Tell me the difference between good and exceptional.
  
• Why did your choose your major?
  
• What are the qualities of a good leader? A bad leader?
  
• What is your biggest regret, and why?
  
• What are three positive character traits you don't have?
  
• What irritates you about other people, and how do you deal with it?
  
• If you found out your company was doing something against the law, like fraud, what would you do?
  
• How many times do a clock's hands overlap in a day?
  
• How would you weigh a plane without scales?
  
• What assignment was too difficult for you, and how did you resolve the issue?
  
• If I were to ask your last supervisor to provide you additional training or exposure, what would she suggest?
  
• If you could choose one superhero power, what would it be and why?
  
• What's the best movie you've seen in the last year?
  
• Describe how you would handle a situation if you were required to finish multiple tasks by the end of the day, and there was no conceivable way that you could finish them.
  
• What techniques and tools do you use to keep yourself organized?
  
• If you could get rid of any one of the US states, which one would you get rid of, and why?
  
• With your eyes closed, tell me step-by-step how to tie my shoes.
  
• If you had to choose one, would you consider yourself a big picture person or a detail oriented person?
  
• If selected for this position, can you describe your strategy for the first 90 days?
  
• Who are your heroes?
  
• Tell me 10 ways to use a pencil other than writing.
  

Pass these on to yer missus lads.

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general).

These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this... why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards, T.I.A