Friday, February 25, 2005

Babe of the day - Jennifer Ellison

Back due to ever-increasing demand, here's Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard's ex-girlfriend, Jennifer Ellison. And yes, she's all real. Click for her Gallery


Bollywood, India's movie industry, churns out over 800 flicks a year. But with all those numbers it's hard for them to keep up with the creative work. So a lot of movies turn out to be 'inspired by' movies from all over, especially Hollywood. And at the rate they are going with good and hit movies, very soon we'll be seeing a copy of "Plan 9 from Outer Space".

How GAY are you?

How gay are you? Let the GAYOMETER decide.

Moral Dilemma

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.... You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box." HOWEVER...., the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

.....God, I just love happy endings.

The Goose

Thursday, February 24, 2005

More Charles & Camilla

Prince Charles has been caught riding Camilla in the woods. Very graphic picture. Check it out

Q: What is the difference between Muralitharan and Camilla
A: Camilla Parker Bowls

For my honey :-)

Miss you and can't wait to see you again in March :xxx

Children of Iraq

A look at some horrifying photos of Iraqi children caught up in Bush's war - Thank God we or our children don't have to go through anything like this, but is there anything we can do to help? Also read: Children Pay Cost of Iraq's Chaos

GAP Khakis

posted on the Football 365 forum

Mummy's boy - Not any more

Self explanatory

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Tennis on the Edge! The Helipad Open

Just a normal day at Dubai's 321m high Burj Al Arab hotel, which is set on a man-made island

The world's most luxurious hotel has its very own helipad 200m above ground, but it appears unlikely any helicopters will be landing.

That is because Roger Federer and Andre Agassi are having a warm-up session before taking part at the Dubai Championships.

Liverpool 3 - 1 Bayer Leverkusen

Goal scorers from last night at Anfield

Michael Owen at the Bernabeau last night

Former Reds favourite Michael Owen, a substitute who came on late for Ronaldo tonight in Real Madrid's 1-0 win over Juventus, was delighted by news of Liverpool's win.

Asked on Sky Sports Xtra whether he thought Liverpool would now go on to the last eight, he said: ``You would hope so, wouldn't you.

``They have a scoreboard here (at the Bernabeu) and there's me sitting on the bench for the majority of the game, and I kept seeing Liverpool score another goal and another goal.

``I take it Leverkusen scored quite late on. I remember it being 3-0 and then I found out just after the game that it was 3-1.

``Unfortunately they've managed to nick one late on against my old team, but they've got to be in the driving seat, but they'll probably be kicking themselves for conceding that late goal.''

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Benitez: 'My biggest week'

update @ 2:25 AM: Liverpool have DONE IT - Un-fucking-believable!!
Before the game I was sayin 0-0 will be a good result, half-fearing that we'd probably lose 1 or 2-0. But when the ANFIELD crowd gets behind its heroes, they can beat ANY team on the face of this planet - Proved it yet again even without Stevie G when Garcia opened up the scoring in the 15th with a beautiful finish after Biscan set him up with an inch perfect through ball (Biscan!!!).

Rise made it 2-0 with a curling missile of a freekick before half time and Hamann added another in the 90th minute with another freekick - Gerrard was visible celebrating in the stands - And then Jerzy Dudek does what he does best - cock up an easy one - ball played straight to him and he fumbled it straight into the path of the oncoming Leverkusen prick who finished it off.

3-1, I'm so chuffed I won't probably be able to go to sleep tonight! One foot in the door to the QFs. COMON THE REDS


"I know this is a big week in my time at Liverpool, I hope next Monday I can say it has been my best week," says Rafa. "All I can say is that if you work hard then you will be lucky."
Click here to read full report

Mind you, Liverpool are without the services of Morientes, who is cup-tied, and captain fantastic Stevie G - who's suspended from action this week. Leverkusen have had some great result in their recent matches, while Liverpool have been highly inconsistent... with 2-0 losses to Southampton and Birmingham.

Personally, a 0-0 would be a good achievement.

"It's always good to have our best players available but this is not always the case," says Benitez. "It is normal to have player out through either suspension or injury and there is nothing we can do about it. We have been preparing for this game without those players and we have solutions.
Click here to read full report

Monday, February 21, 2005

Babe of the Day - Beyonce Knowles

Dead Men Eating

...a tattoo on his left arm that spelled out in big letters: "MOM." ...

Last Meal: Bagwell requested a beef steak, medium rare with A1 Sauce, three fried chicken breast, three fried chicken thighs, BBQ ribs, a large order of french fries, a large order of onion rings, a pound of fried bacon, a dozen scrambled eggs with onions, fried tatters with onions, sliced tomatoes, a salad with ranch dressing, two hamburgers with everything, peach pie or cobbler, ketchup, salt and pepper, milk and coffee, ice tea with real sugar.

The skinny: Bagwell, 41, was executed for the slayings of his mother and three others in a bloody spree almost 10 years ago near San Antonio. The killing was in a dispute over money. According to testimony, Bagwell asked his mother for money and became enraged when she only gave him $20. The massacre ensued.

Last words and such: Bagwell spoke few last words from the death chamber, saying only, "I love you all," to his few friends who witnessed his execution.

Bagwell died having never admitted guilt.

More last meal requests

Mission Accomplished:::: And some other jokes

A man wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.

He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate.

On the bedside table is a note, which says, 'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'

Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.

'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?

''Well, says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.'

'Christ!' says the man. 'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?'

'When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!'

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: SOME QUOTES :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off.- Stephen King

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.- Emo Philips

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.- Fulton Sheen

When moderates switch

Flipping through the pages of the latest issue of TIME last night in the comfort of my room, I came across this article on the tactics used by interrogators at Gitmo. As I began reading it, I could feel the hair rising at the back of my neck, my eyes started burning, I could feel the temperature rising around me. I've felt that a few times in the last year or so. Wished that I could somehow go and join the fight. The fight against terror and the biggest terrorist in the world.

United States of America.

Read the article and you'll know why.

I've calmed down now. But I'm still a bit worried. All of that, coming from a 'moderate' muslim, is scary. I'm no extremist, not at all. I struggle to join friday prayers once a week, I haven't touched the Koran in years, I'm just like most of you lot actually. I'm at the pub whenever Liverpool is playing. Alcohol is forbidden in Islam, but thats never stopped me. I've done cannabis, charlie, skunk, acid, E, you name it. I've been involved in business with a lapdancing club in West London (got some special treats along the way). Infact, without trying to sound arrogant, I've gone as far as most of people my age can only dream about. And it aint like I have changed or anything, I'm still like that, I still like indulging myself in all of the above whenever I get a chance to.

When 'moderate' muslims have started feeling so PISSED OFF (understatement actually), imagine what those with extreme views would be feeling. If I felt like I should get up and try and do something about it, there will be hundreds of extremists who have already gotten up and joined the ranks. And will continue to do so.

'The interrogator shed the top of her camouflage battle-dress uniform, revealing a tight Army T shirt.

The prisoner looked away.

She rubbed her breasts against his back, taunting him about his erection. She stood in front of him touching her breasts.

He spit in her face.

During another break, the interrogator said she wanted to shame the devout Muslim captive in order to break his connection with God, which was giving him the strength to stonewall.

After asking advice from a different translator, this one a Muslim, she went into the bathroom, taking a red marker with her. When she and the first translator re-entered the interrogation booth, she told the detainee she was having her period. She stuck her hands in her pants, then withdrew a hand and showed the detainee what appeared to be blood on it.

She asked again who had sent him to Arizona, and he glared at her silently. When she wiped the red ink on his face, he let out a shout, spit at her and lunged forward so forcefully that an ankle came loose from its shackle.

The Saudi began sobbing uncontrollably, and the interrogator left, telling him the water in his cell had been shut off. He would not be able to wash, as Muslims are supposed to do before they pray.' (Read the complete Article on

Imagine what the Saudi would've been going through. Someone who's been locked up, chained and tortured inhumanely for 3 years, who doesn't know what the fucks going on in the world, how his family is, how his friends are. His only source of information is the Americans. He'll eventually believe whatever they tell him and its not by choice, its a lack of options. He doesn't know if he'll ever get to see his loved ones again. He doesn't know if he'll ever spend a normal life again.

And on top of that, theres a slut trying to get u hard and insulting you and your religion. You'd normally either give her one or in this guy's case, give her a piece of your mind. But when you're chained up, you'll feel completely helpless. That, is what broke him down and he started sobbing uncontrollably. It takes a lot to make a grown up man cry like a baby, specially in front of a woman.

He'll probably die eventually in Gitmo, or even if he's released, his life would never be the same again. Never.

All the US will have succeeded in, is creating many more extremists who are ready to take up arms against America.

It's gonna be a bloody long fight.

Nuke Manchester!!

Another Football Joke
Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck. All the while, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, "Liverpool fan saves friend from vicious animal." The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a Liverpool fan." The reporter starts again: "Everton fan saves friend from horrific attack." The boy interrupts again: "I'm not an Everton fan either." The reporter asks: "Who do you support, then?" "Manchester United," replies the boy. So the reporter starts again: "Manc bastard kills family pet"

Freudian Slip

Two guys walk into a bar, and they both have black eyes.

"How did you get your black eye?" asks the first guy.

"Well, it was really a Freudian slip. You see, I was walking through the park one day when i saw a woman with three beautiful children. I walked up to her to compliment her children, but when I tried to say, 'You have some lovely kiddies,' I accendentally said,'You have some lovely titties.' So she slapped me, and gave me this black eye. How did you get your black eye?" asked the second man.

The first man replied, "Well, I too had a Freudian slip. I was sitting down to breakfast with my wife of thirty-two years, and I tried to say, 'Would you please pass the Cornflakes?' but instead I said, 'You ruined my life you fuckin bitch.'"

The FA CUP Date Change

You will probably have read that the Football Association is considering moving the 2005/6 FA Cup Final to a Wednesday evening.

The Football Supporters Federation has been in touch with the Football Association asking for prior consultation with supporters and seeking information on the timetable for a decision.

Click here to sign the petition

Latest addition to the Beckhams

As if there weren't enough of them already, there's another Beckham around now by the name of Cruz.

Why Cruz??

Cruz, means 'Cross' in Spanish. Not the kind of crosses that Becks is famous for, but a religious cross. And its actually an old-fashioned Spanish girls' name. Why would you do something like that to a kid!?

The Sun tries to answer that question.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Photoshop Magic

Human Rights : American Style

"They use everything possible to make me crazy," Habib said.

"They put me in isolation all the time. I never see the sun. I never have shower like a human being. I never treated like a human being," he said.

"No one should be treated in the way they are treated in Cuba. The Americans, how they are treating people, they are terrorists. They have no humanity."

The United States has has said it believes Guantanamo detainees are treated humanely. Yeah right, FUCK OFF BUSH. I'll be a happy man the day someone assasinates him.

Continue Reading

A day for the lads! About time!!!

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts flowers dinner shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.

Fact is ...guys feel left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day."

Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show her man just how much she loves him. No cards, no flowers no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! Click here to sign the petition.

A story about a bloke in California

From the Genius that is John Nicholson of Football365.

This is a story about a man I met in California this summer. He's a great bloke. He's not really called George. I thought his story was symbolic.

George was shocked to get the news. He always thought it'd be the drink and drugs that killed him. He was only 49, it didn't seem fair.

He considered himself in his prime. He was making great money doing A & R for a major record company. He lived in a big house off Laurel Canyon in LA, got as much action as his not-inconsiderable libido could handle and drove around town in a metallic gold Merc convertible.
He was the man, but soon apparently he was going to be the dead man. What a bitch.
The doctor had given him a 30/70 chance of surviving his prostate cancer. He didn't like the odds, George had never been any good at gambling. So he had the operation and the chemo and lost his hair and three stone in weight and waited. He briefly considered praying for his life but couldn't bring himself to stoop so low as to get religion. After all he reasoned, if there was a God, he'd clearly got it in for him already by giving him the cancer in the first place, so what would be the point?

He went to see his physician...

"There's good news and bad news" he said.

"Gimme the good news," said George, hoping that it would be good enough to ease the pain of the bad news.

"Well the good news is that you are not going to die."

"That is f***in' good news," said George.

"The bad news is that you can't have kids."

That's the bad news? He didn't want to have kids anyway. Screaming little poo machines. He hated them.

"Hey Doc, that's okay with me. I'm happy to be shootin' blanks."

" you misunderstand me. I mean you will not be able to physically procreate."

George frowned trying to work out what the guy was actually saying...

"You mean I won't be able to get wood?" he said, never one for euphemisms.

"Exactly. It's quite common after an operation on your prostate."

This was bad news. Really freakin' bad. Jesus H.C. how was he gonna live without his endorphin rush? Even cocaine wasn't as good as sex.

"...but I may be able to help you" said the doctor, pulling out a leaflet from his draw. "You can get one of these fitted."

George looked at the brochure. It was full of diagrams. It looked complicated but apparently involved putting a small metal rod in his dick in some way.

"What's this shit?" he said.

"It's a penis pump. We can get it fitted in you, so that every time you need an erection, you flip a valve and attach a can of compressed air inflate yourself. You can then perform as normal. It's very successful. Once you're done you flip the valve and let the air out."

George stared incredulously at him.

"You're kidding me man. No-one blows their dick up like a party balloon. You just can't do that."
"I can assure you it's very possible and works very well," said the doctor. "You just have a small metal valve fitted in a fold of skin under your scrotum."

"Get out of here. I'm not going have some kind of robot schlong."

George went away and put a lot of thought about whether he wanted a mechanical cock installed. It was the only option he had if he wanted sex again but how the hell did you explain it to women?

"Yeah you're beautiful...just a minute while I inflate my cock babe."

It wasn't exactly romantic. He could see women running away screaming as he produced his can of compressed air. It was weird - even for LA.

He went home, watched porn and tried to beat nature. But he couldn't. He was as soft as a marshmallow. He had to face up to the truth. As tough as it was.

'What the hell' he thought. He had nothing to lose and he had always liked to be different and take chances. So he had the device fitted.

And it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. While some ladies found it a bit weird, most thought it an excellent contraption. He could be as hard as he wanted for as long as he wanted at any time he wanted. It was 100% guaranteed. The only time he had any problems was when a woman being a bit too vigorous popped the cap off his valve and deflated him half-way through. There was a hissing sound followed by a rapid detumessence.
The very thing that he thought would kill him had in fact turned out to be a blessing in disguise after he faced up to the realities.

And I thought of George when I was watching Arsenal's limp performance in losing to Bayern so badly this week. Like George they've got to face up to realities and like George they need to be able to perform when the big occasion demands, and not just when you're playing Crystal Palace.
The truly flaccid nature of their performance in Germany should tell them something. They need help. Wenger clearly has not got the answers to their European problems. He can't make them perform adequately. If he could, he would, but he rarely can. Perhaps Wenger could bring in an assistant with a track record of European success. It's clearly an art he doesn't possess so why not get help?

The players may be psychologically inhibited now and that also makes them unable to rise to the occasion.

So they need the football equivalent of a penis pump. Something to get them up for the big occasion. Something to make them hard, because right now they're unable to perform adequately and there's something a bit embarrassing about it.

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