Friday, April 29, 2005

"We'll need 11 Gladiators", Steven Gerrard

"We need 11 gladiators out there to beat Chelsea, and the fans have to be ready for an incredible night.

"Anfield is the best place for big European night by a mile. It is an incredible atmosphere, and we need that - we know exactly what role the fans can play, and we know how the team must play.

"Chelsea won't know whats hit them."

Steven Gerrard, on Tuesday's game.

And here are 4 of Liverpool's 'Gladiators'


A bloke walks into a pub carrying a crocodile.

"Excuse me landlord, do you serve Manchester United fans in here?" he enquires.

"Certainly sir, we'll serve anybody" is the landlords reply.

"Good. Throw one to the crocodile then, he's bloody starving."

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Lern Yerself Scouse

As most of you who are at this site will know, the majority of people from Liverpool and its suburbs speak a little bit differently to their English counterparts. In fact some people speak 'very' differently to their English counterparts. As Stephane Henchoz once said on Liverpool's defence and their communication with each other, "we all speak enlish now so there is no problem, but Jamie Carragher, he talks very strange English!"

Therefore, I thought it only right to dedicate a part of the site to those of you who are unfamiliar with the Liverpool dialect - Scouse.

This task was first done by an organisation called Scouse Press (Lern Yerself Scouse) back in 1966 , with updated prints being published every few years.

Copies are usually available in all good tourist shops in and around Merseyside.

To give you a taste of what 'Scousers' speak like below I've listed some translations which I hope help you out or even better try out Whoohoo's excellent scouse translator right.

Scouse/skaus/ n. &adj. colloq n. 1. the dialect of Liverpool. 2. (also Scouser /'skause/) a native of Liverpool. 3. (scouse) = LOBSCOUSE. adj. of or relating to Liverpool.

WINING & DINING (or in the pub)
'Alehouse' - Public House
'Bevey' - Alcoholic beveridge
'Eees/shes paralitic - He/She is very drunk
'Ave gorra gob like an arabs flip flop' - I'm very thirsty
'Gerrim in' - Will you please got to the bar and get a round (each person within the group) of drinks in
'Bladdered' - Very drunk
'Am goin for a Jeff' - I'm going the toilet to urinate
'Scram' - Food
'Butty' - Sandwich
'Chippy' - Takeaway selling selection foods including chipped potatoes

'Cogger or left footer' - Catholic
'Proddy Dog' - Protestant
'Firebobby' - A fireman/fireperson
'Gammy andded' - A left handed person

'De Pool' - The City of Liverpool
'De big ouse' - The Vines Public House (situated in Lime Street - see Pub Guide)
'De Phil' - The Philharmonic Hall or the Philharmonic Pub (situated in Hope Street)
'Kellys's barn' - St Georges Hall
'Parly Street' - Upper Parliment Street
'Over de water' - The Wirral
'Limey' - Lime Street Station and surrounding area
'Tocky' - Toxteth (an area of Liverpool)
'Paddy's Wigwam' - The Metropolitan Cathedral

'Footee' - Football
'Got a proey' - Has anybody got a football programme

Why Men have it better

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Chocolate is just another snack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Same work, more pay.
The garage is all yours.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
The world is your urinal.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
You can be president.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You can open all your own jars.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You know stuff about tanks.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
Your last name stays put.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Wrinkles add character.

For Women Only..

Its true, allegedly.

Windows for Geordies

And oldie but still a classic. Wonderin if there's a scouse one available, will make life easier :

from 'Look at this'


So it will now be winner takes all in next week's second leg for a place in the final. Last night's game finished with 0-0 (for those who don't know already). Chelsea have to play at Anfield now and the winner of that game will go through. If it stays at 0-0 at the end of 90 minutes at Anfield, there will be extra times and penalties. If it's a scoring draw, Chelsea go through.

It was a game where both sides fared equally. At times, the home side threatened to take control but they were always pushed back and the fact if that a bit of luck could have won the game for either side.

The better chances - Didier Drogba, Frank Lampard - fell to and were squandered by Chelsea.

The better efforts - John Arne Riise, Milan Baros - came from Liverpool and were saved by the best goalkeeper in England, if not Europe.

Regardless of the post-match spin, of the two managers Rafael Benitez will surely be the happier, even if he regrets now his decision to replace Igor Biscan and not Xabi Alonso as he looked to disrupt Chelsea's rhythm in the closing minutes.

The yellow card that rules the Spain midfielder out of the second leg makes his pointless booking against Juventus look especially stupid and it is important, in my view, that stupidity is properly punished. (Likewise Liverpool twice being caught offside taking short corners, because Chelsea had no one on the line.)

The last word should be on Carragher. The Scouse rock, once an easy target and overlooked at Euro 2004 when a horrified nation thought of him up against Thierry Henry in England's opening game, was, bar Drogba's beating of him for that early chance, immaculate. Playing on a booking, he never looked like missing the second leg and was surely man of the match.

On the other hand, Stevie G was a shadow of himself. He was nowhere to be seen in most of the game, lost the ball when while trying his trademark 50 yard passes, was jogging through most of the game when the likes of Carra and Biscan were busting their arses.

'Welcome Home Gerrard' says a poster from a chelski cunt.

"It is set up nicely now for Anfield on Tuesday night and I am sure the roof is going to come off with the noise our fans will make. Chelsea will not know what has hit them. They will be taken aback a bit by the noise, we know our fans are special and on a European night even more so. Everyone will be looking forward to it, hopefully it will be our day." - Stevie G - Liverpool Captain

Player ratings from THE SUN

News from Anfield
28/04/05 : Gerrard: Chelsea won’t know what’s hit them
28/04/05 : Alonso: I hoped ref would change his mind
28/04/05 : Reds give themselves a great chance
28/04/05 : Finnan: We will reach final for Xabi
28/04/05 : Reds’ skipper in pre-match dental op
28/04/05 : Cisse: Fans can help us beat Chelsea

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

UEFA Champions League Semi Final (1) - Chelski v Liverpool

I don't care how much money they've got!
I dont care how much talent they've got!
I don't care how good their manager thinks he is!

All I know matey, is that we're going through!

The game kicks off around 11 local time in Dubai and will finish around 1am . Depending on the result, I might be up a bit longer than that despite having an early meeting tomorrow morning in Abu Dhabi (2 hour drive).

Manager's corner:
Tactical Masters fight for Euro Glory (Indepth review of Rafa Benitez and Mourinho's managing style, their first season incharge with their respective clubs, and how they work)

Previous Meetings
CC: Liverpool 2-3 Chelsea (aet)
PL: Liverpool 0-1 Chelsea
PL: Chelsea 1-0 Liverpool

By Alan Hansen BBC Sport Football Expert

Chelsea will be favourites to win the all-Premiership Champions League semi-final against Liverpool.

But Liverpool have shown that, on a given day, they can beat anyone - and that's why I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that they could beat Chelsea and go on to win the whole thing.

No-one, myself including, would have given Liverpool a prayer of doing that, not least when they turned in abject displays against the likes of Birmingham and Southampton earlier this season.

But in Europe they are a team transformed and have shown that they can threaten anyone.

Chelsea may be 30 points ahead of Liverpool in the Premiership and have three wins under their belt against them this season but, in a strange way, Benitez can take heart from those games.

I recall when I played for a dominant Liverpool, Chelsea had an Indian sign over us in the cup competitions and I remember coming a cropper on a couple of occasions.

And over two legs of a European semi-final there can be many twists and turns. Liverpool will be underdogs but they will have faith in themselves after the way they dispatched Bayer Leverkusen and Juventus.

Liverpool played badly at Stamford Bridge and lost but in the narrow 1-0 defeat at Anfield and in the loss in the Carling Cup final, they more than matched Chelsea for long periods.

And this will not be like some cagey European affair.

The semi-final will be a typical Premiership collision, with tackles flying in and no room for the faint-hearted.

Chelsea's confidence will be high and they have some real thoroughbreds in their team, but Liverpool will know they are three games away from the big prize.

Liverpool's fans have had some terrible lows in recent times and just to reach the Champions League semi-final will give them a massive high.

But there may just be a growing feeling inside Anfield, both from players and supporters, that this unlikely adventure could go all the way to the final destination in Istanbul on 25 May.

Why Nuetrals will be supporting Liverpool - The Guardian

The Buildup
Full Team news and stats
Ranieri backs Chelsea for glory
Mourinho urges Chelsea to relax
Benitez ready to end Chelsea jinx
Chelsea v Liverpool
Kewell back to bolster Reds Euro squad
Carra: Threat of suspension won’t affect me
Bookies set for 10 million pound CL gamble
Songs to learn and sing: London Bridge
Garcia: Bring on Chelsea
Mourinho: I have great respect for Liverpool
Lopez: Benitez is a special manager
Rafa: Stevie wants to win so much
Xabi: Time for the real Liverpool to shine

Indians to grade UK students!?

Thousands of exam papers from England will be sent to India later this year as part of the marking process. Critics in England say the move is the latest example of cost-cutting by outsourcing, and will result in errors in exam marking and delays in results. More...

Italian hostage blasts US report

Italian journalist who was held hostage in Iraq has criticised a US military report into the killing of the agent who helped secure her release.

Secret agent Nicola Calipari was shot by US forces as he escorted Giuliana Sgrena to Baghdad's airport.

"The greatest disappointment would be if our authorities were to accept this insult without reacting," Ms Sgrena wrote in a front page editorial in her newspaper, Il Manifesto.

"All the words said about Calipari would turn into hypocrisy... and Nicola would have been our government's hero, just for one day." More...

Iraq: Are things really that much better after Saddam? Check out the latest headlines

History lost in the fog of war
Iraq blighted by poor services
US legal legacy for Iraqi economy
Trials loom for former rulers
Iraq struggles to educate children

Men Fight Back

[For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No more! The man fights back!! Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead... Long live the Man of 2005. Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is...]

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse down a gym;
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down;
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it;
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present... again;
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it;
6. Saturday = Sport. Let it be;
7. Shopping is not a sport;
8. Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
9. Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work;
10. Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes;
11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?;
12. 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers;
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor;
14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend;
15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance;
16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out;
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument;
18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate you eat!!
19. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them;
20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay;
21. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one;
22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?
23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks;
24. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship;
25. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine;
26. Dieting doesn't work without exercise;
27. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well;
28. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.;
29. Do not question our sense of direction.

If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect. The ball's in your court.

The Lads

Penis explodes during sex

Doctors in Romania are treating a 28-year-old whose penis exploded while he was making love to his girlfriend.

Exploding Toads

“You see the toads crawling along the ground, swelling until they are like little tennis balls — and then they suddenly explode."

rofl - would love to see that!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Stupid Questionnaire

1. If your hot favorite Hollywood celebrity threw up on you, how would you react?
Slap her silly

2. What is the color of the clock (not watch) that is nearest to you?

3. Who is your action comic hero?
None. My only hero was Hugh Hefner when I was growing up.

4. Do you have any weird unconscious habits?

5. Would you let your partner watch his/her favorite TV show if yours is also on on a different channel?
Probably yes, but not always. Although if it was Liverpool playing, then no.

6. Two opposite words which describe you are:
Intelligent and gullible

7. "I have been misunderestimated." George W. Bush's claim in one of his speeches. What do you think?
No George, you have been a cunt.

8. You wake up one morning and find a million dollars under your bed. What would you do with the money?
Open a Lapdancing bar.

9. What is the scariest headline in today's newspaper?
Milan Baros might not play against Chelski tomorrow

10. If you could design a flag for a country, what would it look like?
Probably black with pinstripes, a metallic circular logo in the middle with a naked chick on it.

11. You cried while watching this movie:-
Ten things I hate about you - When she's reading the poem at the end. Didn't cry but felt like it.

12. You cried while reading this book:-
Erm.. No I didn't.

13. What's on T.V?
Ali G Interviewing Jenna Jameson at a Porn Festival

14. Life is ...

15. Did you enjoy filling this questionnaire.
Takin the piss, are we?

From Paranoid Diabolic

Rumor of the Day

'Malcolm Glazer would consider selling his stake in Manchester United if rumours of a £900m takeover bid prove true, his advisers said yesterday. Dubai's Ruler, Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum is said to be preparing to mount the offer, which would put a premium of almost 50p per share on the bid currently on the table from Glazer' –
Hoping that he turns it into a Camel Racing Club.

Babe of the Day - Alessandra Ambrosio

Advice from Women to Men

1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear;

2. The next time you and your buddies make joe-ks about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim;

3. If we're watching football with you - it's not bonding - it's their butts;

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie;

5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime;

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving;

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed;

8. The next time you make joe-ks about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts;

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care;

11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too;

12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance - in fact, please do!

13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" - the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way;

14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs. a negative grunt;

15. Don't insist that we "get off the stupid phone" and then not talk to us;

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level;

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you;

20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling... however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.

Random image of the day

Stuck in Bins and Breastfeeding on some next level

Most new mums can find breastfeeding their baby something of a daunting experience - so imagine what's it's like suckling two Bengal tigers. For one young mother in Asia, it's become a sharing experience she would never have dreamt of. Hla Htay not only breastfeeds her own baby boy, she also travels to Yangon zoo in Myanmar to feed the tiny tigers. More...

Meanwhile in Australia, firefighters have had to rescue an Australian teenager who got stuck head-first in a
rubbish bin.

Women vs Motorcycles

Reasons why a Motorcycle is better than a woman
1. If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apoligize before you can ride it again.

2. If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

3. If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.

4. If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.

5. If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.

6. If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.

7. If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

8. If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.

9. It's always ok to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.

10. Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.

11. Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.

12. Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.

13. Motorcycles don't care if you are late.

14. Motorcycles don't get pregnant.

15. Motorcycles don't have parents.

16. Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.

17. Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.

18. Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

19. Motorcycles last longer.

20. Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.

21. Motorcycles' curves never sag.

22. New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.

23. When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

24. You can have a beer while riding your Motorcycle.

25. You can have a black Motorcycle and show it to your parents.

26. You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.

27. You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.

28. You can ride a Motorcycles any time of the month.

29. You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.

30. You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.

31. You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.

32. You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that motorcycles are equals.

33. You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.

34. You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.

35. You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is _really_ worn.

36. Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.

37. Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.

You might also wanna check 112 Reasons why a Beer is better than a Woman

Fraudster sells Indian PM house

India’s intelligence department is investigating reports that a fraudster sold an American businessman the prime minister’s residence in the heart of New Delhi recently, a leading daily reported on Sunday. More...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Down and Out?!

I don't think so. Baros might be, but I don't think any of Liverpool's players including Baros consider themselves out of the race for next year's CL spot.

Although they probably agree that the route they'll have to take is different. They'll have to qualify as holders of this year's title. Other than that, I don't think its possible anymore.

With Liverpool's results, very much depends on which Liverpool side turns out to play. The mighty reds that blew away leverkusen and juventus or the tired out of touch looking reds that were beaten by southampton, citeh, burnley this season, among others.

Last night it was the latter one. Liverpool lost 1-0 when they had a chance to come within 1 point of Everton, who only managed a draw at B'ham. But credit to Crystal Palace, they played an extremely physical game, which prompted the usually cool Benitez to decalre that Football wasn't possible due to the way Palace played.

If we manage to turn in the kind of performance we have in Europe, against Chelsea on Wednesday then I do think we'll be through to the Finals in Istanbul. And then, anything can happen.

"I was driving along with my wife Montse when two boys with Liverpool scarves recognised me and started running towards the car. I pulled up and they were dancing about singing 'Ra-Fa Benitez, Ra-Fa Benitez!' They were waving their scarves and it was incredible. I gave them my autograph and as I was driving away they were still in the middle of the street shouting 'Ra-Fa' with all the cars driving past them!

"I remember another time. It was seven o'clock in the evening and I was the last one here at Melwood. As I left there was a guy waiting for me in the cold. He was shivering. He wanted my autograph and said 'thank you'. The gate man told me later that the guy had been waiting for me since 9am!

"Liverpool fans are very special. The atmosphere from the Kop is fantastic. If you run and work hard, whatever happens at the end of the game they say OK. Igor Biscan is maybe the best example of that and they appreciate his effort.

"For a player that must be fantastic. When you have such supporters cheering you on players can reach another level for sure. If we continue to play with passion we can reward those fans."

Rafa on Liverpool Supporters

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