Thursday, January 27, 2005

Babe of the day - Charlize Theron

Jagjamesh - Best of Borat Quotes

"I want to do a romance inside of you."

"In Kazhakstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape and table tennis..."

"If you come back with me to my country,(....) I will give you television and remote control..."

"Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp or make jam. But the most fun is to kill a a little animal with a shotgun or rip him up with a wild dog."

"There is land of opportunities in US of A. For man, construction work, taxi driving and accountancy. For woman, as a prostitute."

"We say in Kazakhstan, "Woman who goes with book is like horse without...Saddle."

"We say in Kazakhstan, "You find me woman with brain, I find you a horse with...Wings."

"In America, women can vote but horse cannot! It is the other way around in my country."

"I am very strong physique and I can hold a very large woman down for 3 hours...I am strong, I can throw rock at a gypsy from 15 metres. 10 metre if I am chained up."

If Carlsberg ran a football club...

Rules of Life

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her... Believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends....You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

From Captive to Convert : Yvonne Ridley

If you were being interrogated by the Taleban as a suspected US spy, it might be hard to imagine a happy ending.
But for journalist Yvonne Ridley, the ordeal in Afghanistan led her to convert to a religion she says is "the biggest and best family in the world".
The formerly hard-drinking Sunday school teacher became a Muslim after reading the Koran on her release.
She now describes radical cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri as "quite sweet really" and says the Taleban have suffered an unfair press.

Read the complete report from BBC. Click here

Down goes another one!

Liverpool's injury jinx has struck again with the confirmation that Florent Sinama-Pongolle sustained knee ligament damage during last night's Carling Cup victory at Watford. The young French striker was only on the field for three minutes before being stretchered off with the injury which is likely to result in a lengthy period out of the game.

Pongolle underwent a scan on Merseyside today which revealed a tear to his left anterior cruciate ligament.

He will see a surgeon on Thursday morning, after which the Reds will have a better idea how long he will be out of football for.

The news comes as yet another blow to boss Rafael Benitez who has already had to contend with a crippling injury list during his first season in charge at Anfield.

Pongolle's name can now be added to the list including Xabi Alonso , Milan Baros , Djibril Cisse , Chris Kirkland , Steven Gerrard , Harry Kewell , Vladimir Smicer , Luis Garcia , Antonio Nunez , Steve Finnan and Josemi - all of whom have missed large chunks of the season with various injury problems.

Despite the numerous setbacks, the Reds are still in the Champions League, have a Carling Cup final to look forward to and are still in with a realistic chance of a top four placing at the end of the Premiership season.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Babe of the Day - Keira Knightly

Some friendly Advice

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.

Cooking lesson #1: don't fry bacon in the nude.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.

If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick boxing.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
Suitable application of high explosives.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Things you wish you could say at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.
3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ah, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable...time to up my medication.
23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

31 US Marines killed in Iraq - Allah-o-Akbar

Thirty-one marines have been killed in a helicopter crash in western Iraq, the US military has confirmed.
It is the single worst loss of life for US forces since they invaded Iraq in March 2003.
The aircraft, carrying troops from the 1st Marine Division, came down in bad weather near the Jordanian border, Pentagon sources told the BBC.
Last month, 22 people, including 14 US soldiers died in a bomb at an army base in the northern city of Mosul.
The helicopter went down at about 0120 local time (2220 GMT Tuesday) near the town of Rutbah. Search and rescue teams were sent to the area.
The US military took several hours to release any details of the suspected cause of the crash or the number of casualties. Read More
Get out of Iraq if you know whats good for you.

Liverpool are going to Cardiff

They has done it. Liverpool r thru 2 da final of da carling cup, respeck!

Got to opera cafe just in time for the game to start. This is when you miss the good old pubs in london, when footies on. Dont get me wrong, they do have pubs here but beer's expensive and the lack of atmosphere puts you off completely. They're usually full of russian hookers and arabs or indians. There are a couple of really good ones with decent expat crowd, like the Irish village etc, but they're a bit far and with the traffic situation in dubai, I'd rather watch it at Oprah. Unless ofcourse if its the final which no doubt I'll be watching at Irish Village.

So, it was me and AH as usual, Liverpool struggled to get shots on goal throughout most of the game, until eventually Captain Fantastic made a surge towards the penalty box with 12 minutes to go and smashed one in the bottom left corner.

1-0. Now its Chelsea against Man Utd. tonight in the 2nd leg of the other semi, at Old Trafford. The 1st leg was 0-0 so Chelsea are in with a good chance if they score. I would personally prefer Chelsea in the finals against us, as we did have a very good game against them in the premiership and deserved a point atleast, while Man U, as much as it hurts to admit it, outplayed us at anfield that day. Even shit clubs can come up with the occasional good performance you know!

There was this girl. Sitting in the direction where the TV was. Infact just under the TV which was mounted on the wall. Short skirt, dark hair, mediterranian looks, fit as fuck, but was with a butt ugly bloke and both me and AH kept trying to work out what the fuck was going on - He must've been paying for her time, was our conclusion until the cheque arrived and SHE paid with her card!!!

Anyways ding it.

Iraqi Girl's Blog from Baghdad

'Terror isn't just worrying about a plane hitting a skyscraper…terrorism is being caught in traffic and hearing the crack of an AK-47 a few meters away because the National Guard want to let an American humvee or Iraqi official through. Terror is watching your house being raided and knowing that the silliest thing might get you dragged away to Abu Ghraib where soldiers can torture, beat and kill. Terror is that first moment after a series of machine-gun shots, when you lift your head frantically to make sure your loved ones are still in one piece. Terror is trying to pick the shards of glass resulting from a nearby explosion out of the living-room couch and trying not to imagine what would have happened if a person had been sitting there.

The weapons never existed. It's like having a loved one sentenced to death for a crime they didn't commit- having your country burned and bombed beyond recognition, almost. Then, after two years of grieving for the lost people, and mourning the lost sovereignty, we're told we were innocent of harboring those weapons. We were never a threat to America...

Congratulations Bush- we are a threat now. '

Read more on Baghdad Burning.

Suicide Bomber - MUST SEE

OHHH this is some funny shit check it out ASAP!!
Click here to open from McSey

Monday, January 24, 2005

Premiership Babes

Hate to say this but the Man Utd one looks fit... The scouse one aint bad but I don't really like the shape of her shoulders... The Geordie one's got lovely tits and the best for me would be the Spurs chica.

Anyway here's some fun facts, and very true indeed

1 - Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2 - At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3 - One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet
cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4 - You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5 - Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6 - Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7 - Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8 - You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9 - Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
10 - You never know where to look when eating a banana.
11 - Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
12 - You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
13 - The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher
mum or dad.
14 - The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first
given opportunity.
15 - Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
16 - Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
17 - You never ever run out of salt.
18 - Old ladies can eat more than you think.
19 - There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand
or head stuck in something.
20 - The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned
21 - People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
22 - Bricks are horrible to carry.
23 - In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Lady of the Day - Eva Mendes

If I could, I'd post my princess' pic here every day cuz she's melady 4eva - but I aint gonna put my GFs pic on here cuz some of you lot are really really sick in the head and deserve to be castrated and fed to pigs.

So here's for you. Eva Mendes. One of the top ladies... She's like...... hot aint even the word mate, its like.... extra super hot. Don't u agree? And if one pic ain't enough, you can always look at for a complete gallery of her pics.

Southampton VS Liverpool

Saturday, January 22, 2005 - KO 12:45 pm - St. Mary's Stadium
LOST !!!! Can you fuckin believe it?? Lost 2-0 to South-fuckin-ampton who are like 18th on the league table and ohhhhhhh i still can't believe it! They've just recently sold James Beattie to Everton and looks like his departure has made em a better team - just what Rooney's sale did to Everton!

We made a piss-poor start to be honest, Pellegrino fucking up unneccesarily in the 4th minute, handing a goal and then Crouch making it 2-0 in the 21st minute. The defence seemed non-existant throughout the first half and Southampton came close to increasing their lead quite a few times. Dudek made a couple of fine saves though.

Second half, Liverpool played a little better, kept posession and actually made a few chances but no goals at all.

Notable Performances
Morientes - Didn't really see much of him in the first half - improved in the second but not by much. 5/10
Gerrard - Not as accurate as he's been a few weeks ago. Had barely passed a fitness test for this game so, overall a committed performance - 7/10
Baros - Looked dangerous in the second half whenever he got the ball near the penalty area. Class act. 8/10
Sinama Pongolle - A couple of great runs coming in from the right after coming on at the start of the second half. 6.5/10

Watched the game at the IceCream cafe next to pizza hut, as they were watchin some arab movie at opera. Its a nicer place and have a big-ass TV too. But we went back to Opera after the game to watch Chelsea v Portsmouth - me and AM. Got home around 9. Made ommelette as I couldn't be bothered to go out to eat.

Everton lost their game so that could be good for us, point gap remains the same instead of widening. I'll post the premiership table after the Arsenal game this afternoon.

Spoke to Dad, he's thinkin of opening up a school! Selling the spare parts store too.

How did the Twin Towers REALLY come down?

"The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the greatest liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth." H.L. Mencken
Jimmy Walter a very interesting argument - in short that whatever we've been fed by the media about what actually happened on 9-11 was a load of bollocks - and he's willing to pay a large sum of $$ if anyone can prove him wrong. He's got alternative theories to this, makes very interesting reading.

Rape accusations in cricket!

Some chick in Australia apparently has accused 'a pakistani cricketer' of raping her in his hotel room. Something like... Three weeks ago. And she hasn't yet reported it to the police. More details on BBC Cricket.

Its like... okay but what was she doing in his room if it wasn't by consent? And why has she not gone to the police? why now? after 3 weeks has she come up?

Dunno wots going on but it will be disasterous for cricket and if someone is found guilty (it will probably be shoaib akhtar, if anyone) - should be made an example. I'd say atleast locked up for 10-15 years. And sack the team management.

And oh yes, Shoaib supposedly had hamstring probs in the 3rd test where he couldn't bowl, he was actually out clubbing with his mates. Here's some pics of him in a nightclub. Could it be one of these chicks he's raped???

What a fucked up world we live in.
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