Saturday, March 19, 2005

I'm a bad, bad person.


I couldn't resist the temptation and went into yahoo chat, pretending to be THAT random bird, started talking to this dude and got him to hold a sign saying I am coconut man. All in ten minutes. Should I feel bad? No, I'm a c**nt. I'm laughin my tits off!!!

Here's how to get your very own coconut man.

Here's how I did it

Make a girls ID on yahoo or whatever suits ya. Use THIS pic


as bait, and get him/her to send u a pic holding a sign that says I'm coconut man. No photoshopping please.

Once you have your trophy, post it on F365 Forum and be a part of history.

And be ashamed :)

Potential FrontPages for Monday


or if it all goes horribly, horribly wrong...


click to enlarge.

If you don't know wots goin on, read the previous couple of posts

No, it hasn't made the frontpages yet.

Wanna know whats going on? See the post below.

Out of the mouth of.... retarded kids!

The following questions and answers were collated from SAT tests given to 16 year old students!

(Don’t laugh too hard — one of the students could be related to you!)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because ! it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

From So Weird Productions

LINK of the YEAR:::: Coconut Man

coconut man

Here's how it all began. Someone started a thread in the 365 forum titled 'Post a pic of your missus' in all seriousness...

Poor old skinny being really really naive (he's disappeared since) posted his girlfriend's pics, wanting to show off probably. Little did he know that she was eventually gonna turn into an internet celeb.

Everything since, is history. Coconut man joined in somewhere along the way and... oh fuck it I don't wanna spoil the fun for you lot, check it out for yourselves at the F365 Forum. (Read from page 13 onwards)

Check it out, you'll thank me!

Note to all bloggers:
Add a link to this on your blogs, lets give this the coverage it deserves. We all know the power of blogs.

After you've checked out the forum link, have a look at the coconut hall of fame

Friday, March 18, 2005

Diamonds are forever


Diamonds are a girl's best friend? Check dis.

What Famous Leader are you?

What religion is right for you!??

You scored as Islam. Your beliefs are most similar to those of Islam. Do more research on Islam and possibly consider taking the shahadah and officially becoming a Muslim, if you aren't already.

Despite the actions of some - who go against the teachings of Islam - Islam is a religion of peace; the word "islam" means "peace through submission to God." "Muslim" means "one who submits to God." Islam is the third of the three Abrahamic faiths, and it shares much with Judaism in Christianity; its differences are the acceptance of Muhammad as the last and final prophet, and the oneness of God - in other words, that Jesus, though he was a revered prophet, was not in fact God, and only one God exists. Apparently the Taliban could not read (though their name means "students"), because the Qur'an states that men and women are equal as believers, and that all believers should be educated and seek knowledge. Modesty in dress and behavior is required in Islam for both men and women to preserve the values of society and move the emphasis from superificial appearance to intelligence, knowledge, and God.



















Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with

UEFA Champions League Draw (Quarter Finals)

April 5 / 6

LIVERPOOL v Juventus

AC Milan v Inter Milan

Lyon v PSV Eindhoven

CHELSEA v Bayern Munich

Reds draw Juve in CL q-final
Ex-Red Thommo welcomes Juve tie


A man walks into a shop...
Customer: "Worcester sauce flavour crisps please"
Shopkeeper: "Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, cancer scare."
Customer: "Oh right, Chinese Chicken Wings?"
Shopkeeper: "Ah that's the same. Cancer scare"
Customer: "Hamburger Relish?"
Shopkeeper: "Cancer scare"
Customer: "Sausage and Mash?"
Shopkeeper: "Cancer scare"
Customer: "Cottage Pie?"
Shopkeeper: "Yes, wait, Cancer scare."
Customer: "So they're all off the shelves because of a Cancer scare?"
Shopkeeper: "Yes"
Customer: (sigh) "Just give me 20 Benson & Hedges then..."
Shopkeeper: "Certainly. £4.50 please."

Fake pill gives man a hard time...

A Vietnamese man who took a fake impotence tablet was admitted to hospital after his erection lasted a bit longer than he expected...

nicked from Blogywood

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Joke of the Day

Three guys are walking through London one day when Satan appears. He stops them and says: Tell me, each of you, one thing that you love. The first man says: I love pizza. The second one says: I love money. The third one says: I love butt-fucking. Satan tells them that they must not do anything concerning these things for a day or they will be transported to Hell. They walk away, and they see a pizza parlor. The first man, overcome by his urge to eat pizza, runs and buys a slice. He bites into it, and poofs away. The two continue on, and come across a penny on the ground. The second man bends over to pick up the penny, and the third man poofs away.

For Ladies looking for Mr. Right

Lonely Heart

am a lonely Asian male who would like to have a girl friend. If you interested, here is my picture on the left. Am I not hot? When I was in my Indonesia, I was a gigolo!

Check this prick out

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Ten things I've done that you probably haven't!

After the 101 factoids (which take f**king ages to do) here's the next geekly obsession doing rounds on blogs all over.

1. Shared an apartment with a lapdancer voted #2 on Channel 5's Lapdancing competition 2 years ago.

2. Done 20 hours of flying in a Cessna-152

3. Met and shook hands with Sportsman of the Century, Muhammad Ali

4. Played cricket with India's Rahul Dravid

5. Carried a loaded revolver for a week. Nearly got caught once when a bouncer at a West London pub wanted to check me. Never got a chance to use it though. Doubt if i would have anyway.

6. Played ProEvolution Soccer from 7-8 am once, after spending the night in a hotel room with 4 strippers. Went to work straight after that, even though i was f**ked on charlie.

7. Got kicked out of an ex's sister's house at 2am in Cannock - after she walked in on us doing it. There are no hotels open that late around that place, so we had to spend the rest of the night at her mum's place.

8. Sold a cellfone to Jay Sean

9. Had snake soup.

10. Quit Smoking.

Liverpool v Blackburn Rovers 8:00pm @ Anfield

Liverpool will welcome back striker Fernando Morientes after a groin strain but Harry Kewell (ankle and knee) faces another three weeks out of action.

Liverpool will still be without Djimi Traore and Josemi, but both could be back within a fortnight.
Robbie Savage is a doubt for Blackburn with the groin strain that kept him out of their FA Cup quarter-final match.

Striker Paul Dickov is also struggling with groin and thigh problems but Dominic Matteo (thigh) should return.

Rafael Benitez:
"For Luis Garcia to score eight goals in his debut year is a very good tally. "This shows he can play at this level and will continue to improve. Luis scored goals in Spain and we signed him because he has a lot of skill and is capable of getting many goals here."

16/03/05 : Rafa: Madrid link just another rumour
16/03/05 : Boss: No time to waste on speculation
16/03/05 : Finnan: Must win game tonight
15/03/05 : Boss brushes aside latest Gerrard rumours

Gwen has the best legs (allegedly)

Sun Online

SEXY singer Gwen Stefani has the best celebrity legs, according to a new poll.

The quirky blonde 33-year-old beat off competition from stunning actress Uma Thurman, Latino star Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz in the survey by In Touch magazine. Veteran singer Tina Turner made a surprise apperance at No6 in the list - ahead off leggy babes such as Britney Spears, tennis star Anna Kournikova, model Liz Hurley and double Oscar winner Hilary Swank.

Top 10
1. Gwen Stefani 2. Uma Thurman 3. Jennifer Lopez 4. Cameron Diaz 5. Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) 6. Tina Turner 7. Britney Spears 8. Anna Kournikova 9. Hilary Swank 10. Liz Hurley

Click here for the slideshow

From the world's best Forum

Fucking legendary stuff. You just KNOW you have to see it

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

London Underground

London Underground

A website dedicated to what people have been overheard saying on the Tube.

1. She's desperate to get broadband and I think we both know why.

2. A lot of journalists secretly fancy Roy Keane. There's no other explanation for it. They want a bit of rough.

3. Ten years ago I was in college and she was twelve. Twelve!

4. How old is John Terry? He looks about forty.

5. She's not going to believe you. I don't believe you and I was there.

6. I can fit my whole fist inside.

7. Lisa's cousin let one off in my face and it burnt my face.

8. I got chocolate money, but it was Euros.... I felt very modern.

9. I took paracetamol. Then aspirin. Then ibuprofen. But I feel worse than ever.

10. She has an acidic vagina

Here's the rest

This one's for the lads...

A couple of hot chicks flash their boobs during a live game of Cricket. You got to love the announcers reaction to this.

Cheers Badger

Look Closely


What is wrong in this photo ?? Click to enlarge.

Run over by the Truth

To whom it may concern
by Adrian Mitchell

I was run over by the truth one day
Ever since the accident I've walked this way
So stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.

Heard the alarm clock screaming with pain,
Couldn't find myself so I went back to sleep again
So fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.

Every time I shut my eyes all I see is flames.
Made a marble phone book, carved all the names
So coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.

I smell something burning, hope it's just my brains.
They're only dropping peppermints and daisy-chains
So stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.

Where were you at the time of the crime?
Down by the Cenotaph drinking slime
So chain my tongue with whisky
Stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.

You put your bombers in, you put your conscience out,
You take the human being and you twist it all about
So scrub my skin with women
Chain my tongue with whisky
Stuff my nose with garlic
Coat my eyes with butter
Fill my ears with silver
Stick my legs in plaster
Tell me lies about Vietnam.

'There is some wonderful film footage, shown on telly a few years ago, of Mitchell reading this poem to a packed house at the Albert Hall in 1965 - it's spellbinding'

'When the war on Afghanistan started, I wanted this poem: I got it off the internet, printed it out, walked round with the copy in my pocket, learned it by heart. I repeated it to anyone who would listen - I have very tolerant friends. I kept waiting to hear it read out on one of the anti-war protests. '

Run over by the Truth <-----Check it out

Ten things we didn't know this time last week

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience.
1. The Beatles negotiated with JRR Tolkien for the rights to star in a film version of the Lord of the Rings. John was to play Gollum, George Gandalf, Paul Frodo and Ringo Sam. "It was something John was driving at," director Peter Jackson told Total Film magazine, after McCartney told him the tale. "JRR Tolkien still had the film rights at that stage, but he didn't like the idea of the Beatles doing it. So he killed it."

2. The Mr Men are the only major children's characters still in family ownership - and they might not be for long. The rights to Roger Hargreaves' characters are still owned by his widow, but negotiations are taking place for them to be sold to the company which owns Noddy and the Famous Five, reportedly for tens of millions of pounds.

3. The actor who plays the Gremlin in the government's literacy campaign adverts is Warwick Davis (right), the same fellow who played an Ewok in Star Wars and Professor Flitwick in Harry Potter.

4. Proto-Britpoppers Suede, who perform their farewell gig on Saturday night, were managed by Ricky Gervais, before he went on to make The Office.

5. Pedestrians hit by four-wheel drive cars are twice as likely to die as those struck by saloons, according to new research in the United States.

6. Home Secretary David Blunkett, who introduced emergency powers to detain foreign terrorist suspects without trial, has been a member of human rights charity Amnesty International for 20 years.
7. Michael Schumacher's Formula One Ferrari is faster off the mark than a supersonic Eurofighter jet. The Grand Prix champion beat the jet by half-a-car length at a race over 600 metres.
8. Why do advertisers like to use pretty women in their commercials? Because men act irrationally on seeing them, according to research by Canadian psychologists published this week. Women are unaffected by photos of handsome men.

9. At least 100 children have been raised by animals, including one young boy called Tarzancito, found in El Salvador in 1933 aged five, according to

10. King George IV (1762-1830) was allegedly a member of a sex club in Fife, in which members would perform public sexual acts and watch girls dance naked. A cup belonging to the club has been sold for £2,700. Full story

Ex-Marine Says Public Version of Saddam Capture Fiction

News Ticker in NY announcing Saddam's Capture

United Press International

A former U.S. Marine who participated in capturing ousted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein said the public version of his capture was fabricated.

"We captured him after fierce resistance during which a Marine of Sudanese origin was killed," he said.

Revocation of Independence

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to produce proper cars and elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee' and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to ney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially,
it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips areproperly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.

The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

16. Re-education of all 97.85% of US citizens that a 'road trip' is not a holiday or a 'coming of age', just the equivalent of a coach ride to Hull in British terms, henceforth issue passports to the 90% of Americans that actually don't have one, and enforce a map of the world in every room of an American's house. Be proper British by dominating the Spanish coast the whole year round in holiday time. Use of the word 'vacation' is banned.

17. To be genuinely British, you must learn that the girl next door is not hot, nor is any other girl you may meet at school/workplace/nightclub, due to the 'being British' syndrome that affects every female.

18. The words 'Vacation' (holiday), 'Elevator'(lift) and in fact any other American versions of perfectly good British words shall be outlawed completley.

Thank you for your co-operation

My name in Chinese

Thats quite simple innit? Get yours from here

Weird Food

How about crispy FRIED MONKEY PAWS (Indonesia) for starters, SQUIRREL BRAIN (US) and Dog stew (Phillipines) for Main Course washed down with Cow Urine (India).

Guess what, I'll let you choose the dessert.

Checkout http://www.weird-food-com for some horrible dishes from around the world. Bon Appetit

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