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from TizzleCahizzle & Baruqaa

Just To Tee Things Off

A selection of our favourite golfing references from today's match reports, for all of you with better things to do than us:

'Craig Bellamy and John-Arne Riise putt on the style in the Nou Camp last night' - The Daily Star.

'He then teed-up Riise...' - The Daily Star.

'...and teed up a second for John Arne Riise' - The Daily Star.

'...all that was left was for Bellamy to tee up Riise' - The Guardian.

'Bellamy equalised with a 43rd-minute header before teeing up Riise...' - The Daily Mail.

'...dig them out of a European bunker' - The Daily Star.

'Rafael Benitez's decision to start Bellamy proved a master-stroke' - The Daily Telegraph.

'How fortunes swing' - The Daily Telegraph.

'It was a relatively short but powerful assault that was always likely to find a hole' - The Times.

'The Norwegian international overstruck his cross...Riise clearly chose the wrong club!' - The Daily Star.

'Weekend golfers will have recognised the error of using a nine-iron when a seven-iron would have been a better choice' - The Daily Mail.

'Riise over-clubbed his centre...' - The Daily Express.

'A case of using too lofty a club...' - The Daily Mail.

'Football's equivalent of sinking a hole in one...' - The Daily Mirror.

Swinging Headlines of the Day

'Swing When You're Winning' - The Daily Mirror.

'Bellamy Back In The Swing' - The Daily Express.

'Bold Bellamy Swings It' - The Daily Mail.

'Bellamy And Riise Swing Into Action For Liverpool' - The Times.

'Bellamy And Riise Get In The Swing For Liverpool' - The Independent.

I repeat, its Barcelona 1 - 2 Liverpool!!

I love it when the so called pundits and 'experts' write us off against big European sides.

We were supposed to be brushed aside by Juventus.

We were never good enough to hold Chelsea back.

We were supposed to be annihilated by AC Milan.

And then Barca was supposedly going to teach us a footballing lesson last night?

Andy Gray in particular gets my blood boiling. All he could muster after a few minutes of silence once Riise had scored was 'Barcelona need 2 goals to go through at Anfield. Surely they can do it can't they?'

Great performance by the lads. It looked in the first half as if the occasion had gotten to some of our players and they looked shellshocked - however it was the self belief and some brilliant tactics by the master tactician that is Benitez, what saw them through. Ronaldinho is a show-pony. He's skilled, but only for showreels or Nike adverts. He was found out last night, and so were most of the barca squad.

Momo & Alonso were fantastic in the middle, Gerrard not his usual attacking self but still solid, him and Finnan had Fat Ron in their backpocket most of the time. Messi on the other hand was taken care of by Riise and Arbeloa. Riise's performance, specially in the first half was cack I thought. He's going through a terribly run lately and I hope the goal last night goes some way in restoring his confidence.

Kuyt worked tirelessly as ever but should've put that cross in the back of the net. Bellamy was out with a point to prove last night and he did his talking on the pitch - a stunning effort from the welshman.

Him and Riise on the scoresheet was, as Riise himself said after the game, destiny. Liverpool fans could not have asked for more last night. Lets finish off the tie at Anfield next week in what promises to be another fabulous European night at Anfield.

Oh and to the 'experts' and the media, pleaaaaaaassssseeeeeee keep writing us off, the underdog tag suits us beautifully.

I've lost a little bit of respect for Barca fans...

after watching their fans spitting on Steven Gerrard when he took his corners, and some of the theatricals of their players on the field.

Every club has its idiots and I'm sure we've got a few as well, however, spitting on opposition players is disgraceful and has no place in football.

Riise lifts the lid off bust up with Bellamy!

After scoring the winning goal for Liverpool against Barcelona tonight at the Nou Camp, John Arne Riise exclusively reveals what was said in the drunken Algarve row which had threatened to over-shadow the tie. Riise was speaking after a Craig Bellamy goal, followed by a golf swing celebration, and his second half right footed winner gave Liverpool the advantage is this vital Champions League 2nd Round tie.

"Well it was all a bit blow out of proportion." Revealed Riise, "The lads had been ripping me a bit about how my right foot was only for standing on for a few months now, especially after I'd shifted the ball to my left to try and hit the target, it was a bit of light hearted fun. Craig thought it would be funny for the bar staff at the restaurant we were eating at to show the DVD Rafa had made of my misses, I'll be honest, I didn't like it. Myself and Craig had a bit of a barney in the bar, I stamped on a wine glass to show frustration and a shard went into Craigs knee, that's why he has a plaster on it.

Anyway, Carra and Stevie calmed us both down and Carra took me back to the hotel for a nice hot cup of coco and naturally I fell asleep. I was awoken a couple of hours later by what seemed like a screaming banshee, but when I opened the door it was Craig with a golf club shouting

"If you ever get a f**king chance on your right f**king peg then you f**king use your f**king right peg, it's not just for standing on dickhead! If I ever see you shift the f**king ball onto your left I'll stick my f**king putter so far up your f**king arse it's be coming out of your mouth and I'll f**king use you to putt the f**king ball"

Looking back it was sound advice, it just didn't come out well because he was slurring his words, but it's quite funny that I took his advice tonight and it came off. It's a shame, I was looking forward to him shoving his putter up my arse!"

Liverpool take the advantage back to Anfield where it is expected the fans will be in full voice supporting the redmen and of course Bellamy and Riise.

Bully Shithousen reporting.

With thanks to WelshRed

Cheeky Twat

What a fitting result for Bellamy! There were suggestions (and there still are) that Bellamy would be sold at the end of the season after his bust up with Riise, and I'd been saying since that whole episode in Portugal that he needs to redeem himself in front of the fans by scoring at Nou Camp.

Never had I imagined that he would not only do that but set up a winner for RIISE out of all people! I've been impressed with Bellamy, to be honest. He's made more intelligent runs behind opposition defences than any other striker in the premiership (although he's mostly offside) but you can see he has the pace, the ability and the drive to perform at the highest level. He's always causing problems to defenders and is a real handful. Above all, he's a c**t to play against. And that is a compliment. He's at a club he's supported since childhood and knows he cannot f*** it up, but how many of us can really say we've never had any drunken arguments with our mates? Yes, that was a low point for him but the key thing is the way he's bounced back.

Its always a sign of a true great, the harder they fall down, the higher they bounce back up. I'm in no way suggesting Bellamy is a true great (not just yet), he's a twat, but he's OUR twat and as long as he keeps performing on the pitch, we'll try overlook his little imperfections off it.

'If you think thats a foul...

... you aint seen me with a putter!'

'He ish not only my shtrike partner...

but alsho my lover...'

TOUCHDOWN!

'Carra gets carried away with new yank owners.'

New US Flag?

:::Breaking News:::

Bring it on!!

This is what football is about. You may not win much in a particular season but its nights like these, testing yourself against the very best in the world, that make it worthwhile your support. Lets hope we can produce a decent display on the field tonight and make it 3 out of 3 clean sheets at Nou Camp.

The events of the past week have been unfortunate, but I believe Rafa will use it to bring the best out of this side, who would be ashamed of their behaviour in Portugal this week. This is the perfect opportunity to redeem themselves and I can imagine Bellers would be on his toes for this one.

Here's a guide to our opponents tonight:

Barcelona

Home: Camp Nou

Current league position: First

Manager: Frank Rijkaard

What can be said about the Catalan giants which hasn't been said already? They are the regining European champions and are bidding to become the eighth team to retain the crown. The current La Liga champions have always lived in the shadow of arch-rivals Real Madrid when it comes to European football, with Barca lifting the European Cup twice to Madrid's nine wins. But they by no means have a bad record in the tournament - and in Europe in general - with four UEFA Cup Winners Cups, two European Super Cups and three UEFA Cups to their name. The trophy cabinet at the Camp Nou struggles to cope with the weight of the trophies they posses.

The 24-time La Liga champions certainly have the pedigree when it comes to Europe having made it through the group stages for the last seven years. But Liverpool are no strangers to the European Cup themselves, having lifted the trophy five times, most recently after their famous comeback against AC Milan two years ago. The battle of the last two Champions League winners is certainly the tie of the round as Barca try to overcome English opposition at this stage in the tournament for the third year running.

The last time the two sides met was in the 2001/02 second round group stages of the Champions League when Barca ran out 3-1 winners at Anfield and then the two sides played out a 0-0 draw at the Camp Nou. The Reds have got the better of the Catalan side in the two previous meetings with Liverpool dumping Barca out of the 2001 UEFA Cup and in the 1975/76 European Cup as they went on to lift the trophy.

Barcelona's home record against English opposition is formidable having lost just once in 22 games, that defeat coming courtesy of Liverpool in 1976. This season Barca are unbeaten at home in all competitions and have conceded just six at the Camp Nou this campaign. Compare this with Liverpool's patchy away form and it begins to look like the Reds may struggle.

It doesn't get much better for the Merseyside club when you begin to look at the Barcelona squad. Despite appearing to be in turmoil at the minute they still have arguably the world's best player, Ronaldinho. He is backed up by the likes of Samuel Eto'o, Xavi, Lionel Messi and Carles Puyol. But Liverpool fans can hold dear the fact that Rafa Benitez never lost a game at Barcelona when he was in charge of Valencia and that Chelsea have managed to record a victory and secure a draw over the La Liga champions in the group stages.

My prediction
It will be a very difficult game even without Eto'o as Barca haven't conceded many at home this year. With Ronaldinho, Messi, Xavi and Deco they have world class players, each capable of changing the game with one piece of contribution. I would gladly take a 1-1 draw here tonight with the 2nd leg at Anfield. Although 2-1, 3-2 won't really be bad results. F365