Lord of the Kung Fu?

Benny C's Post Match Comments

3 points is 3 points. I'll take it.

As regards Cisse, it's like Shankley said: "Yes Roger Hunt misses a few, but he gets in the right place to miss them". Poor bugger, has been unfortunate. It will come. You must remember that Van Nistelroy wasn't exactly prolific in the early parts of the season scoring 15 of his 25 goals (in his second season in England) in the last 10 games.

If we can get the goal drought out the way early (unlike the past couple of years) that's fine by me...

The bigger question is: What the hell is going on at Spurs???

when did they learn to play football?

This week is going to be hell for me. One of the guys I work with wont shut up about Tottenham being the best team in the World. EVER......I may have to kill him.

DD's Post Match Comments:

I think I need to be a bit more modest with my scoreline predictions. Atleast until Cisse sorts himself out.

To say he was disappointing is an understatement. All three that he missed were absolute sitters. Actually, make that four. Here's a player that we expect to score no less than 20 goals this season. He has electric pace, and he's shown glimpses of what he can do in the CL qualifying games this year. Cisse, afterall, was the top scorer in the French league before he joined Liverpool. Now I know the French league might not exactly make a great example - as I was pointing out to a french guy I watched the game with. 'English football, no skill!!! just physical" he goes. 'French football is for girls mate, in England you get to see real men play and play hard.'

Talking about playing hard, Sissoko was amazing last night. Watching him it looks like he's already settled in the premiership style of play and definately looks set to play an extremely important role in Liverpool's future.

Credit to Sunderland, they made us fight till the last minute and even though its 3 points in the bag I'm sure most Reds supporters will be wondering why didn't we cruise through it with a few more goals.

Gerrard is almost certainly out of Liverpool's CL clash with CSK Sofia on Tuesday with a calf injury. Rafa isn't willing to take any chances on his star captain and I'm sure with a 3-1 lead going into the game, it should be an easy win. It would be interesting to see how the team fares without Gerrard.

He's also gonna miss the Super Cup Final in Moscow against CSK Moscow and we might get to see Carradona lift a trophy as Captain!!

Back to Cisse, I think its already been established that his first touch is crap. He shows glimpses of excellent control and speed at times so there is hope. It could be the horrific injury suffered last year has left a.. sort of.. a mental scar maybe? His tackles seem half-hearted. And whats up with the flying kicks!!?? How many goals and goal attempts have we seen from the Lord of the Manor while airborne since the start of the season?

I believe I can fly!

GOAL


GOAL


MISS


MISS

Match Photos - Click to Enlarge

Why Chelski won't win the Title

Chelsea will not win the English Premiership this time round and will struggle to live up to the achievements of last season.

The Blues may be the favourites for the title again but they will find life as defending champions hard to go by. They need only ask neighbours Arsenal, who have been unable to defend any of the three titles they have won since the Premiership began.

Arsene Wenger and Sir Alex Ferguson have long maintained that defending the championship is a much harder ask than winning it in the first place. And Jose Mourinho's men will now be under real pressure after claiming their first league title for 50 years.

In short: Chelsea are now the team to beat. And believe you me, they are not up to the challenge.

Read More...

Babe of the Day - Eva Longoria

Some excellent pictures in this gallery

Joke of the Day

Rafa Benitez and David Moyes done an interview for Radio City recently.
Both managers were asked what their aim for the new season was.
Moyes- "At Everton we want to avoid relegation"
Benitez- "We want to win the premiership, fa cup, league cup and the champions league."
Interviewer- "Rafa don't you think that's a bit far fetched"
Rafa- "David started it!"

What a man would do if he had a vagina for the day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Blood Runs Red, Not Blue

You have to wonder whether reality ever comes knocking on George W. Bush's door. If it did, would the president with the unsettling demeanor of a boy king even bother to answer? Mr. Bush is the commander in chief who launched a savage war in Iraq and now spends his days happily riding his bicycle in Texas.

This is eerie. Scary. Surreal.

The war is going badly and lives have been lost by the thousands, but there is no real sense, either at the highest levels of government or in the nation at large, that anything momentous is at stake. The announcement on Sunday that five more American soldiers had been blown to eternity by roadside bombs was treated by the press as a yawner. It got very little attention.

You can turn on the television any evening and tune in to the bizarre extended coverage of the search for Natalee Holloway, the Alabama teenager who disappeared in Aruba in May. But we hear very little about the men and women who have given up their lives in Iraq, or are living with horrific injuries suffered in that conflict.

If only the war were more entertaining. Less of a downer. Perhaps then we could meet the people who are suffering and dying in it.

For all the talk of supporting the troops, they are a low priority for most Americans. If the nation really cared, the president would not be frolicking at his ranch for the entire month of August. He'd be back in Washington burning the midnight oil, trying to figure out how to get the troops out of the terrible fix he put them in.

Instead, Mr. Bush is bicycling as soldiers and marines are dying. Dozens have been killed since he went off on his vacation.

Continue Reading...

The Inevitability of Getting Old (By Benny C)

Well I'm sitting here with one hell of a hangover. I turned 30 last Saturday (No laughing at the back). There was drinking. Though, to be entirely honest, I really can't recall much at all. (Except for some reason these days I tend to think that I am a world class athelete after a few pints......Apparently I am not - I have the bruises to prove it)

Still, to mark this event I attach a few notes on leaving your 20's behind (Sob!!) I must admit there are a couple here that I identify with. (Shit!)

You Know You Are 30 When:

1. You leave gigs before the encore to "beat the rush"

2. You own a lawnmower

3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section

5. You prefer later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops

6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46

7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like

8. Flicking through Heat magazine makes you too tired to go out

9. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden

10. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it

11. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out ofthe newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would be thieves.

12. You start to worry about your parents health.

14. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500

15. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child

16. Pop music all starts to sound a bit crap

17. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white

18. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture

19. You always have enough milk in

20. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents

21. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.

22. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.

23. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q

24. You wish you had a shed

25. You have a shed

26. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day"

27. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy young has some really interesting guests on, you know

28. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at school children whose diction is poor

29. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets

30. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11

31. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time,and the indestructibility of the 20ies gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on pissing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying everytime a cheeky one turns into 10, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for £99, they cost as much as £35 each if youbuy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, and.................

Time for a change?

England thrashed by Denmark
Denmark score three goals in seven second-half minutes to humiliate England.

Sven Slams Sloppy Display
Sven-Goran Eriksson admitted England's second half display against Denmark was a disaster as they conceded three goals in six minutes to lose 4-1.

David James then revealed he 'should have paid more attention' after coming on as a half-time sub



Other Football News

Austria 2 Scotland 2 Smith Looks At Positives
Rep Of Ire 1 Italy 2 Kerr Concerned With Defeat
Wales 0 Slovenia 0 Toshack Pleased With Draw
Malta 1 Norn Ire 1 Sanchez: We Got Out Of Jail
Int. Friendly Round-Up All The Scores Are Here
Sven Promises Poor Paranoid, Jilted Sol A Chance
Vieira Backs Arsenal Ricardo Rages At Mourinho
Fredi Signs For Sevilla Rovers Fined Ten Grand

Joke of the Day

Bloke walks into his local bar with a big grin on his face.
What are you so happy about?" asks the bar man.

"Well, I'll tell you," he replies. "You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love
all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky slob. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno....never found her head....."

Babe of the Day - Eva Mendes

Quite possibly 'THE most beautiful woman on earth'

Excellent Gallery - Some of the best photos
Photo Gallery: Official Site

Idiotic moments you have witnessed..?

In my old student first floor flat I used to have a balcony overlooking the street and the supermarket across the road. Well, one drunken evening a few of us were out on the balcony sipping our 14th gallon of beer and the drunkest one out of us thinks it'll be a good idea to jump off the balcony and on to a van that's parked just below. It's not a big jump so he makes it OK despite having more alcohol than blood inside him.

So he's dancing away on top of this van when we spot 2 fellas coming out of this door across the street and heading towards the van. Mate on van bricks it and lies down (we're obviously pissing ourselves with laughter at this point). The 2 blokes get into their van and drive off.

He's left hanging on to the top of this van and as they get to the first lights (only 50 yards or so away) he's banging on the roof and everything trying to attract their attention and get them to stop.They get out of the van, he jumps off the roof and starts running back towards my flat. The 2 guys have seen him jump off and are cracking up themselves and aren't even bothering to chase him or anything.

Drunk mate then proceeds to trip himself up in the middle of the street. He stumbles back into the flat with his 2 front teeth chipped and piss all over himself.

From: Football 365 Forum Thread of the Week

Add yours in comments.

You'd think it woz women that bitch all the bloody time...

Guys are just as bad

Top Ten Things learnt from Horror Movies

10. If you're searching for something that caused a mysterious noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
9. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go it alone.
8. Do not search the basement, especially if the electrical power has just gone out.
7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to hell.
6. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, crypt, tomb, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.
5. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
4. Stay away from certain geographical locations such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
3. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, power drills, soldering irons or band saws.
2. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
1. When you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's "really dead."

Football's Hard Nuts

Manchester captain Roy Keane has been named the hardest ever footballer in the British game in a new survey. Keane's vein-popping performances, rants at referees and hospital tackles on opponents earned him the hardman title.

Here is a full list of the the top 20 hardest footballers according to the WKD survey:

1 Roy Keane (Manchester United - 1993 to present)
2 Ron 'Chopper' Harris (Chelsea - 1961 to 1980)
3 Vinnie Jones (Wimbledon - 1992 to 1998)
4 Dave Mackay (Tottenham - 1958 to 1967)
5 Nobby Stiles (Manchester United - 1960 to 1970)
6 Dennis Wise (Chelsea - 1990 to 2001)
7 Tommy Smith (Liverpool - 1962 to 1977)
8 Neil 'Razor' Ruddock (Liverpool - 1993 to 1998)
9 Kevin Muscat (Wolves - 1997 to 2002)
10 Norman Hunter (Leeds - 1962 to 1976)
11 Graham Souness (Liverpool - 1978 to 1984)
12 Wayne Rooney (Manchester United - 2004 to present)
13 Kenny Burns (Nottingham Forest - 1977 to 1981)
14 Peter Storey (Arsenal - 1965 to 1976)
15 Billy Bremner (Leeds - 1959 to 1976)
16 John Terry (Chelsea - 1997 to present)
17 Julian Dicks (West Ham - 1988 to 1993)
18 Patrick Vieira (Arsenal - 1996 to 2005)
19 Lee Bowyer (Newcastle - 2003 to present)
20 Eric Cantona (Manchester United - 1992 to 1997)

Terror Alert Status Update

Shamelessly nicked from The Convict

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, the level has just been raised from 'miffed' to "peeved'! Soon though, the levels may be raised yet again to "irritated' or even " a bit cross"!! Londoners have not been a "bit cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorised from "tiresome" to "a bloody nuisance", the last time a "bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was during the great fire in 1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, The Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the middle east ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the world" and "beg the British for help".

Finally here in GB we've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea". Our higher levels are "remain resolutely cheerful " and "win".

Babe of the Day - Veronica Verakova

Here's her PhotoGallery

Bad news, fellas

The breasts of Britain's women have grown by a cup-size in the past decade and could be changing the shape of the female spine, according to new research.

An average bra size of 34B 10 years ago has increased to a 36C across this country and Australasia, the bra manufacturer Bendon has discovered.

The result was supported by retailer Marks & Spencer, but a spokesman said it had only noticed the change in the past five years.

Experts suggested that the increase was due in part to the popularity of breast enhancement, and fitted into a pattern of women gradually getting bigger. [Continue...]

Hilarious!

This dude posted his genuine 'problem' on the internet. Have a look

Things NOT to say to a woman during an argument

Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Don't you have some laundry to do or something?
You are so cute when you get mad.
You're just upset because your bottom is beginning to spread.
Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?
You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.

Got any more?

Going international

'Da te mocham od keramidi, batti' (Lithuanian)
I'll pee on you from the roof, bitch (Translated)

Wanna cuss someone in a foreign language? Visit the Swearsaurus

'Stop stealing our Fucking signs'

The mayor of an Austrian town called 'F**king' has appealed to British tourists to stop stealing the road signs.

Iraq Continues to Burn

Apparent Abuse of Iraqi Prisoners by Iraqi Forces
A boy, identified as a 14-year-old, was found among Iraqi prisoners when Oregon National Guardsmen responded to reports of what appeared to be prisoner abuse June 29, 2004 at the Iraqi Ministry of the Interior. This photo, identified as being found in a detention room, appears to show him while he was still restrained before his release by Oregon Army National Guard. The Oregon soldiers disarmed the Iraqi policemen and gave first aid to the detainees. The guardsmen were later ordered to stand down, handing the prisoners back over to the Iraqi officials.


Iraqi Interpreter Kicking Iraqi Looting Suspects in Baghdad
An Iraqi interpreter, working with the US Marines patrolling the center of Baghdad, kicks a looter until he is stopped by the order: "You're a fucking Marine. Don't kick them in the head. Let them go!"

Two brothers claim they were beaten and denied water and sleep after they were arrested in Basra and taken to a camp, weeks after military action began. Marhab Zaaj-al-Saghir told the programme: "They lowered me down... while I was tied up, threw me on the floor and hit me with a stick.

"You couldn't draw breath afterwards and I lost consciousness."

He said he had then been urinated on.

Congratulations Bush & Blair for making OBL's job a bit easier.

Democracy is the last thing the U.S. can afford in Iraq, as anyone who has paid attention to the state of Arab popular sentiment already realizes. Representative government in Iraq would mean the rapid expulsion of U.S. interests. Rather, the U.S. wants westernized, secular leadership regimes that will stay in pocket and work to neutralize the politically ambitious anti-Western religious sects popping up everywhere. If a little brutality and graft are required to do the job, it has never troubled the U.S. in the past.

Ironically, these standards describe someone more or less like Saddam Hussein. Judging from the state of civil affairs in Iraq now, the Bush administration will no doubt be looking for a strongman again, if and when they are finally compelled to install anyone at all.

The Bush administration's Top 40 Lies about war and terrorism

Meanwhile from Iraq:

'Zarqawi aide killed in ambush'
Blasts kill US soldiers in Iraq
Iraq Shias call for more autonomy
Sadr group 'frees Iraq hostages'
Mayor 'ousted by gunmen'
Car bomb shakes Baghdad
Bush rejects early Iraq pullout

And if you're deluded enough to actually believe that life in Iraq is getting better, read this.

German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder has warned the US to back away from the possibility of military action against Iran over its nuclear programme. 'Force will not be an option. We've already tried seen how ineffective is it.'

It aint just ineffective, its a dangerous game. Using force against Iran will only result in increased anti-america sentiments and as a result more pissed off people willing to blow themselves up just to hurt 'the enemy'. Right now, there are a few thousand people fighting the Americans in Iraq. If America does indeed attack Iran, then I can assure you, that number will be far, far higher.

Smells like something's burnin...

VIDEO: Woman being interviewd on the telly as a man runs in the background with his arse on fire.

Vida Guerra - Uncovered

You'd look at that and think - How on earth can someone have a perfect arse like that! Okay the face aint all that but come on, have you seen that arse? (Not Convinced?)

Well, here's how.

That arse has more to do with... wait... Why don't you see for yourself.

Vida Guerra - Uncovered 1
Vida Guerra - Uncovered 2
Vida Guerra - Uncovered 3

Here's when she was Babe of the Day

Meanwhile if its a lady's beeehind that gets you going, I believe you should check this out. Its all real.

No Shit, Sherlock

Babe of the Day - Sara Spraker

Maxim Gallery

Movie Mistakes

In this scene from "Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets," a cameraman is visible at the left of the screen.

Best of 05

Top 20 Oxymorons! - Thanks to Anon.

20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works

These were sent to us by an anonymous visitor. Cheers Mate - We'd like to know who you are and where you found us?

Tidy up before the photographer arrives

She didn't.

Here are some more cockups.
How not to take a picture of your MONITOR
How not to take a picture of your CAT

Azadi Mubarak!

To all our Pakistani visitors from Karachi, Dubai, London, Chicago, New York, Canada and all others who visit this blog, wish you a very Happy Independence Day.

Did you know all the crap they say about...

how horrible things will happen to your computer if you keep switchin it off without closing down windows? Or when they say that using a cell phone on a plane interferes with the navigation and communications systems of the aircraft? Or even that magnets zap your data?

Well, its all porkies.

How to tell if your son's gay?

Tell your son you are going outside to play ball and wrestle alligators. Then shove your son to the ground repeatedly and say, "Whassamatta, crybaby? Gonna cry? Gonna cry?" If he cries he is a great big pussy and therefore gay. If he "takes it like a man" he's still gay, but one of those butch tough-guy gays, like a "bear" or a "top."

More here

Actual Quotes

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
-- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859

"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
-- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

"For the majority of People, smoking has a beneficial effect."
-- Dr. Ian G. Macdonald, Los Angeles surgeon, quoted in "Newsweek", Nov. 8th 1963

Lots more here

PS - Dr Ian's the only one who might have got it right, from this list.

The first premiership saturday - Predictions for the season

The worst 3 months of the year are over and Football's back on the telly. Life feels great again.

Liverpool v Boro is actually the first game I've watched this season having missed all the CL Qualifying games as they aren't on TV here. And it brought back memories of the last time I saw the men in red, the Legends of Istanbul in action on May 25th, adding another fine chapter to the glorious history of Liverpool Football Club.

Rafa has proved himself to be the REAL special one when it comes to Europe. He still has to prove himself in the league though and I believe he will come through.

Here are my predictions for the season ahead and you can keep them to laugh at me later :)

Who will win the Premiership?
DD: Chelski

Top four in the right order, please?
DD: Chelski, Liverpool, Arse, ManUSA

Who might 'do an Everton'?
DD: Definately not Everton. Spurs probably, they'll have a good season methinks.

Which Premiership stalwart will flirt with relegation?
DD: Newcastle - Not just flirting but some heavy patting as well

Which three teams will actually go down
DD: Sunderland, Wigan and Everton

Which Premiership manager will be the first to go?
DD: Souness

Who will finish the season as top scorer?
DD: I'd like to say Cisse cuz I know he'll definately score 20+ but Henry, unless he breaks his leg in a freak moped accident, probably will score more.

Who will 'do an Owen' and force their way into England's World Cup side?
DD: SWP

Which import is going to royally flop?
DD: Park-Ji Sung

Which youngster will be a revelation this season
DD: Neil Warnock

Which Blackburn player will be sent off first
Tied between Robby Savage / Bellamy

What will be the most exciting thing to happen at Everton this season
DD: Their relegation

Give us a random prediction...
DD: Shearer to be Toon player/manager before Halloween



Also Checkout: Liverpool Won't Make A Fool Of Me This Year... by John Nicholson