Funniest Shit Ever! Cybersex gone wrong!

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

There's more here...

T.I.S EXCLUSIVE!! Paris Hilton SCREWING!

If you think Paris Hilton is doable, you're gonna love this latest snap of her screwing!

US 'starving' Iraqi civilians

A senior United Nations official has accused US-led coalition troops of depriving Iraqi civilians of food and water in breach of humanitarian law.

Human rights investigator Jean Ziegler said they had driven people out of insurgent strongholds that were about to be attacked by cutting supplies.

Mr Ziegler, a Swiss-born sociologist, said such tactics were in breach of international law.

A US military spokesman in Baghdad denied the allegations.

"A drama is taking place in total silence in Iraq, where the coalition's occupying forces are using hunger and deprivation of water as a weapon of war against the civilian population," Mr Ziegler told a press conference.

He said coalition forces were using "starvation of civilians as a method of warfare."

"This is a flagrant violation of international law," he added.

More from the BBC

The Anti-Porn Brigade

This chick is probably fooked in the head. Got dropped on her head too many times when she was a baby or something. Sorry but people who diss pornography really get on me tits.

Bad Joke of the Day

Given the outbreak of bird flu in Turkey, their pairing with Switzerland in the World Cup play-offs could well be the death of the cuckoo-clock industry. BOOM BOOM!

Here's the rest of your fur coat...

Our friend Leumas has taken the trouble of uploading this video of animals having their heads banged on the ground before they are skinned, while still alive. Thanks Leumas!

Adult Puzzle Game

Click away!

Stolen from The Convict

One Liners

Ok, so maybe some of them are a bit longer what the hey.

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'Try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your arse'.

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris licking frog'. She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour madame'.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it scared the shit out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'What's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.
A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said ........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.

Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You better jack off, I've got a headache'.

Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started.

Paul McCartney poem: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.

Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital to have a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be shagging one of those again!

It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her pussy. Doc say's 'That looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty? It's just the tip of the iceberg!'

Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks 'Do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the arse!'

Stolen from The Convict

Photography

Loads of nudity but some excellent photos as well. Don't see if you're fasting or are at work.

US rejects British Katrina beef

The US has blocked the distribution of around 350,000 packaged meals donated by Britain for victims of Hurricane Katrina, because of mad cow disease.

US officials said the meals - routinely eaten by UK soldiers - were not considered unsafe but fell foul of its post-BSE ban on British beef products.

They added that none of the hurricane victims had gone hungry as a result.

From the Beeb

Just how wrong is this?

J Lo does have a gorgeous arse - shame about the face.

Anyways, back to the topic, watch this clip - all of it.

Diamonds are forever

Diamonds are forever 1
Diamonds are forever 2
Diamonds are forever 3
Diamonds are forever 4
Diamonds are forever 5
Diamonds are forever 6
Diamonds are forever 7

Racialist?

SIGNS THAT YOU'RE A COCKNEY BASTARD



1. You say 'mate' constantly.
2. You think it is perfectly normal to pay over £3.00 for a pint.
3. Anyone not from London is a 'wanker'.
4. Anyone from outside London and north of Watford is a 'northern wanker'.
5. You have no idea where the north is.
6. You see All Saints in the Bar Med (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
7. The countryside makes you nervous.
8. Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
9. American tourists no longer annoy you.
10. You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day".
11. You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car.
12. You didn't realise that 'Paddington Green' is REAL.

SIGNS THAT YOU'RE A MANCHESTER TOSSER.



1. You go mad when somebody who is not from Manchester says 'mad ferit',"Nobody says that EVER!" you scream.
2. You say 'mad fer it' when back in Manchester.
3. You think fisherman's hats are attractive.
3. You support Man City out of principle.
4. You see Coronation Street stars all the time and think nothing of it.
5. You think Londoners are 'soft southern wankers'... until they kick your head in at a footie match.
6. You get a freckle and consider yourself 'suntanned'
7. You deny that it rains all the time, as you struggle home with the shopping in yet another torrential downpour.
8. You won't pay more than £1.50 for a wrap of skag
9. People start yawning when you talk about how great Manchester is

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN GLASGOW TOO LONG.



1. You say 'pish' all the time.
2. You say 'aye' all the time.
3. You end sentences with 'like' i.e. 'I'm no goin' there, like, it's pish' like.
4. You think McEwans beer is great, ignoring the fact it 'tastes of pish like'.
6.You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
7.You punch everybody you meet.
8. You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
7. You are incomprehensible.
8. People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.
9. You automatically get the urge to kill on hearing the words 'Edinburgh' or 'England'.
10. You have heart disease aged 26 due to all deep-fried pizzas you have consumed since birth.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DUBLIN TOO LONG.



1. You say "I'm Grand" all the time.
2. You think of Guinness as if it is the sixth food group.
3. You disagreed with 2. - Guinness is the FIRST food group.
4. You're pale and white... yet compared to others your suntan looks good.
5. You say "Are you Grand ?" all the time.
6. You say "Isn't it grand" all the time. 7.
7. You say "That'd be grand" all the time.
8. You can pronounce names like Eoghan, Niamh and Siobhan.
9. You take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
10. You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes
11. You say "Your man" all the time.
12. You say "Your woman" all the time.
13. You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.
14. You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at 30.
15. You talk about 'dinners' and 'mammys'.

SIGNS YOU'RE SCOUSE



1. You support Liverpool Football Club, the only 'People's Club' and the BEST on merseyside
2. You are a season ticket holder at Anfield.
3. You answer every criticism of your team's performance with 'FIVE FUCKIN CUPS MATE!'
4. You answer every criticism of your handling of your team's criticism with 'ON PERMANENT DISPLAY AT ANFIELD!'
5. You answer any further criticism with 'BEATING JUVE, CHELSEA, MILAN AIN'T A FUCKIN FLUKE MATE'
6. If someone persists, 'WENGER WOULD GIVE UP THE PREMIERSHIP FOR ONE OF OURS'
7. People don't understand a word you speak

Official Male Code of Conduct

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten and killed by his fellow partygoers.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable
9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
14. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back
and enjoy.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
24. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F@ck OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore Wedding Pictures

If you're into all the celeb crap

What Celebrity Do You Look Like?!

This website thinks its too clever. You can upload your pic and it comes up with pics of celebrities you allegedly look like.

I'm a bit paranoid about posting my photo on the interweb so I've used Stevie G instead. Try with yours and let us know what you got!

Missing the T.I.A babes?!

Hope this helps...

Still not satisfied? Why don't you head over to:

Fu-Qtoo's Babes
Coolio's
Babes of The Goose
Cardinal Sin

NOTE: Babe of the Day has temporarily been discontinued due to Ramadan, and should be back early November!

Listen to the 'Special One' Part II

Following on from the sensational 'Listen to the Special One' tape where Jose tells off Drogba and sings about his famous grey coat, we now present another tape that has found its way out of Stamford Bridge!

Milan Baros Caught Red Handed

bashing his bishop in public (SAFE FOR WORK)

Aren't they beautiful?...

You've gotta love mini-coopers. They're powerful yet small, and oh so cool. I've been in love with the old 1960-70 models more than the new 'Italian Job' ones, although I've always been unsure about what colour to go for.

Until ofcourse I saw this

MSN Tips

ALWAYS know where your parents are when talking to someone on MSN with your cam on.

this.is.anfield awards

The T.I.A Award for the Man of the Year

The T.I.A Award for The Most Gullible Arsehole of the Year

Britney Spears

is oh so classy

Nuke all old people

PROOF that old people are evil. End of.

The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes You Make With Women....

Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With WomenAnd How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes... read more

MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A Nice Guy

Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?
Of course you have.

Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What's going on here?

It's actually very simple...

Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.

And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.

Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

9 MORE Dangerous Mistakes you make with women

Can a man and a woman be 'just friends'??

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York

Self Explanatory