Out of the mouth of Football Managers

Out of the mouth of Football Managers

'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'Home advantage gives you an advantage.' - Bobby Robson

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.' - Graham Taylor

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.' - Alex Ferguson

'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson

'The first 90 minutes are the most important.' - Bobby Robson

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.' - Graham Taylor

'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish

'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.' - Glenn Hoddle

'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton

'People always remember the second half.' - Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.' - Bryan Robson

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.' - Arsene Wenger

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.' - Graham Taylor

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.' - Terry Venables

Out of the mouth of footballers

Actual quotes from footballers.

'It was a game of two halves, literally.' - CHRIS POWELL

'It's a no-win game for us. Although I suppose we can win by winning.' - GARY DOHERTY

'I was both surprised and delighted to take the armband for both legs.' - GARY O'NEIL

'I was really surprised when the FA knocked on my doorbell' - MICHAEL OWEN

'What we have to do is put our teeth into the Premiership.' - PETER SCHMEICHEL

'Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground' - DAVID UNSWORTH

'He managed to make a good hash of it in the end' - NIALL QUINN

'The manager could not even talk to us at the interval - he said we were bad.' - JOHN TERRY

'It's great to get the first trophy under the bag' - MICHAEL OWEN

'I thought from start to finish we really started well' - JOHN HARTSON

'I've always been a childhood Liverpool fan, even when I was a kid' - HARRY KEWELL

'It’s going to be difficult for me - I've never had to learn a language and now I do.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'He’s started anticipating what’s going to happen before it’s even happened' - GRAEME LE SAUX

'We seem to be a side that if we don't score we get beat' - JASON MCATEER

'In the last ten minutes I was breathing out of my arse' - CLINTON MORRISON

'It's not just the manager who makes the decision, it's the player who makes the decision. They both decide fifty-fifty to make a decision.' - RUUD VAN NISTELROOY

'Over the years a lot of great players have left United - I'm sure the same will happen to me one day.' - ROY KEANE

'The stars above Italian clubs' badges shows you how many times they have won the Gazetta' - DAVID JAMES

'I thought from start to finish we really started well.' - JOHN HARTSON

'They was given as good as they got' - JOHN TERRY

'There is a smear campaign against me with facts, which are not true' - TONI POLSTER

'Jörg Berger is such a good coach, he had even saved the Titanic' - JAN AAGE FJORTOFT

'Now the world is my lobster' - KEITH O'NEILL

Babe of the day - Veronica Zemanova

Click for the Veronica Zemanova Gallery from THE GOOSE

Proverbs as told by kids!

It's hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids (6-year olds). Collected by their teacher.

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.
Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the . . . bug is close.
It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.
You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
No news is . . . impossible.
A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.
You can't teach an old dog . . . math.
If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust . . . me.
The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.
An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.
Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
A penny saved is . . . not much.
Two is company, three is . . .
The Musketeers.
None are so blind as . . . Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.
You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.
There is no fool like . . . Aunt Edie.
If at first you don't succeed . . . Get new batteries. For all the olders out there: that's the 21st century mantra. - The Single Girl

Have you had any haunted experiences?

Shortly after we went to bed, around 1:am, I could smell this arabic sorta perfume, light at first but getting stronger. I didn't think much of it at first, just thought that it was the aftershave I was wearing. But once it starget getting stronger, I sniffed my tshirt to check if its that. The perfume I had on was totally different. This smell, filling up my room was more wooden sort of, sandal wood or oudh, that thing the arabs burn that gives off this really strong but beautiful smell.

Now, there is no way any of us would be burning or sprayin something like that just after we've gone to bed. There is no way it could be coming from outside as the apartment is on the 7th floor, and all the windows are shut due to the aircon.

I called NB. He could smell it too. Within moments, the lights were on and the we were staring blankly at each other at first, then looking around for possible leaks that might be letting this smell in our apt, but there was none.

It lasted about 1/2 an hour. We just sat there, smokin weed at 1am, wondering what the fuck was goin on. Eventually we gave up, blaming it on some good spirit who might have passed us by. Slept really well, surprisingly.

The geordie, the manc and the scouser

Three Englishmen, a Geordie, Mancunian and a Scouser are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total", says the genie.

The Geordie says, "I'm a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

With a blink of the genie's eye, the oceans were teaming with fish.

The Mancunian was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Manchester, so that no one can get through and pollute our perfect culture, specially them scouse pricks"

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around Manchester.

The Genie turns to the scouser. The scouser asks, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

To this, the Scouser goes, "Fill it up with water."

Ali G's a f**kin LEGEND

Ali's Interview with Professor Sue Leece, director of the Centre for Gender Research

Ali: "Boyaka-sha. Check dis. Today we is talking about women. I is
with none other than Professor Sue Leece. She be director of the
Centre for Gender Research and we is going to talking about
ladies. Now, one in two people in the country is a women, so we
has got to know about this... Women. They is important aren't
they?"

Sue: "They indeed are, very important, as important as men."

Ali: "Which is better? Man or woman?"

Sue: "Well equality is not about being better."

Ali: "But which one is better?"

Sue: "Neither is better."

Ali: "But one must be just a little bit better."

Sue: "In what respect?"

Ali: "Like, you know, in the way that something is worse and something
is better."


Ali: "Do you think there will ever be a female Prime Minister?"

Sue: "Well there has been one."

Ali: "When?"

Sue: "Margaret Thatcher."

Ali: "No she wasn't a Prime Minister. Do you think another woman will
be allowed to slip through?"


Ali: "Do you think a women should be able to have any job?"

Sue: "I think yes, I think they should be able to have any job."

Ali: "But would you feel safe though if you knew a women was flying
your plane."

Sue: "Why wouldn't you feel safe if a woman was flying it? Do you feel
safe being driven by a women?"

Ali: "Nope. Would you not be scared though that she would start
nattering or whatever, or start thinking about things and then
forget to fly the plane, or get angry with somebody?"

Ali: "A lot of boys me know is trying to get their girlfriends into
feminism, do you that is right?"

Sue: "Yes, I do actually I think it's a good thing."

Ali: "Do you think all girls should try feminism at least once?"

Sue: "Well girls today often don't realise how much they've benefited
from feminism..."

Ali: "But do you think it is right when they try feminism when they is
drunk at a party or whatever with a few mates?"

Sue: "What does 'trying feminism' mean?"

Ali: "You know, try a bit of feminism and when they is sober the next
day they get back together with their boyfriends?"

Sue: "I don't understand what you mean by 'get feminist?'"

Ali: "When they kiss a women."

Sue: "What, being lesbian, are you talking about, sexually?"

Ali: "... A'ight, for real."

Ali: "Me uncle Jamal, he says he is tri-sexual. He will try anything
sexual. What does that mean?"

Sue: "There are a lot of people, you know, who would agree that they
are... that they would like having sexual relationships with men
and with women."

Ali: "So you is saying that you think that he has done it with men?"

Sue: "Or doing it."

Ali: "Ai?"

Sue: "Um, well, it would suggest that from that... or that he is
interested in it, don't know that he would have done it. Depends
what 'done it' means."

Ali: "So you think me uncle Jamal is a... batty boy?"

Sue: "No, I don't think he is a batty boy actually, but..."

Ali: "But you think me uncle Jamal like it in both pipes?"

Sue: "I think he's probably, uh, making a joke."

Ali: "For real. So it probably a joke? It ain't a necessarily. 'Cos he
is a joker."

Sue: "Yes, I think he's a joker."

Ali: "If you called him that to his face he'd probably kill you."

Babe of the Day - Scouse Chick

Watch that LFC kit come off...

Rafa demands more effort from players

Rafael Benitez has told his players a performance like the one against Birmingham will not be tolerated again and has demanded more hard work and effort from his players. The Liverpool manager watched the defeat at Birmingham again on video and was angry with the way his team performed.

Benitez said: "I have come here to Liverpool to work hard and I expect everyone else to do the same. I don't want to spend time here without trophies. It's not enough for me to see my side play well in one or two games. I want consistency and that means everyone working harder. continue reading

Evil Comments: Well said Raffa the Gaffa - yer spot on mate. a kick up the batty will do these lazy lot real good.

The Gary Neville Diaries

'I hate international duty. I don't see Sir for three whole days. But I do see David :-) and I like his new hair. I tried to touch it at training. He mentioned the police. I'm scared in case he knows. '

He's back - with a campaign to bring down Nike and a rage against the injustice of Malcolm Glazer's ManYoo bid. Oh and the usual hint of sex wee... Read them here

The REAL Simpsons

Check it out if you're a Homer fan. He's a fuckin Legend.
click here for the video

America's 'Droopy Drawers' Law Dropped

A "pants" law which proposed fining people who wore their trousers so low their underwear could be seen has been dropped. The US state of Virginia had proposed fining people £27 if their underwear was on display in a "lewd or indecent manner". continue reading

'Give your man a sexy lapdance or striptease'

Says Carmen Electra: Stripping is really popular and I think thats because it can be used for fitness or seduction.

And the best thing is you can do it in the privacy of your own home, you can close the curtains and nobody needs to see you do it.

Then when youre feeling confident you can give your partner a lap dance or do a little striptease - they'll love it. continue reading

Note to self : Need to get pole fitted in bedroom

Happy Valentine's Day, Princess

Even though we can't be together on this Valentine's day, I'm sure it doesn't matter that much as we don't need a special day to celebrate what we have. Every day is Valentine's day with you babe.

Best of Homer Simpson Quotes

Homer Simpson's philosophy of life:
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."


Homer Simpson on thespianism:
"Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively."


Homer to Bart, on losing Santa's Little Helper:
"Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog."


Homer Simpson questions his son's latest investment:
"A hundred bucks for a comic book? Who drew it, Michaelmelangelo?"


Homer Simpson on his wife becoming a cop:
"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie Police Academy."


Homer Simpson's secret to success:
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."


Homer Simpson on work:
"If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."


Homer Simpson's survival techniques:
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

Thanks to The Goose

Ecstasy found on Royal Navy Ship

An investigation is under way after a substance suspected to be ecstasy was found on board a Royal Navy warship. A "single individual" was helping with inquiries into the find on HMS Cumberland but no-one had been charged, a Ministry of Defence spokesman said. Continue Reading

EvilWatch reckons the 'single individual' is fucked now :)